Look After You
by starrylaa
Summary: Over time, two very different people find themselves a common ground and become first friends, and more second. P/T AU after Faces.
1. Chapter 1

**Look After You**

Chapter: 1/?

Rating : T

Pairing: P/T

Summary: Set after the episode "Faces." After their ordeal in the Vidiian mines, two very different people find they share a common ground.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything, apparently. The title comes from The Fray's song Look After You.

Author's note: There will be some back story from Jane Taylor's "Pathways" so it will help if you have read that. This is slightly AU: it follows canon in some ways and deviates in others, especially later. Thanks to Pepper for the beta!

**A/N2: I have noticed that all my line breaks have been taken out by ffnet, which means this will be hard to read. I don't have time to change it back, so if you're having difficulties reading, please read it here: wwwAstarry-laaAlivejournalAcom/5547Ahtml#cutid1 (replace A with . )**

She can't stop staring at him.

Unintentionally. Deliberately. Subtly. Obviously.

And somehow, his blazing eyes always find their way to hers.

Ever since their time trapped down in the mines, his presence has become a source of comfort to her, and this very thought disturbs her. Everything she ever thought about him seems to be a lie. He's not some arrogant, self-centred, care-free pig. Well, comparatively. He's a man who knows the right words to comfort someone melting with fear and terror; who will stop at nothing to defend a comrade even though he barely knows them. He puts his life on the line not because he has to, but because he feels he needs to in order to do the right thing. She hasn't seen honour like that in her lifetime, and she's met plenty of Klingons.

Lately though, there's been a change in Tom Paris. He flies the ship as if on autopilot. Laughs and jokes with the crew without any true feeling and flirts with women (but not her; never her) with half-hearted interest. The fire in his eyes seems to have died, and she's shocked to find that she can't help but wonder why.

At the senior meeting, his usual rapt attention and witty remarks are gone. B'Elanna exchanges worried glances with Harry, and is relieved to know she's not the only one who has noted.

"He's been different ever since he's come back from the mines," Harry informs her during lunch. "I think whatever happened down there really got to him."

She nods in understanding. Tom isn't the only one suffering.

Every night the nightmares come.

_She's being held down on the Vidiian scientist's operating table, and this time she is awake when he separates the two halves of her. It's excruciatingly painful, and she feels as if every molecule inside of her is being ripped apart. She doesn't realise until later that they are. She wants to scream out in agony, but she can't remember how. In her mind, she begs for death to release her from this, but knows it won't happen. Her mind somehow conjures up the image of Paris and Durst._

Kahless, let them be alive,_ she prays. _Let them have escaped. _But she knows she's wishing impossible things._

B'Elanna woke up sweating. She cursed when a glance at the chronometer told her it was only 3 am.

Feeling both restless and tired at the same time, B'Elanna pulled on her dressing gown and exited her quarters, aiming to find somewhere where her nightmares wouldn't follow. Her original intention of seeing the Doctor led her instead into the mess hall, nursing a raktajino. Hands wrapped firmly around the mug, she gazed around the completely empty room, and found that comfort did not come. No drugs from the doctor were going to provide an easy fix for what she was going through. The trouble was, she didn't know what would.

Before she knew it, she'd fallen asleep at the table.

_Her Klingon half wakes up to find her human side missing. Extreme anger and rage ensures she breaks away to find her. She is aware of the power and strength coursing through her blood. She feels invincible, as if nothing will get in her way._

_Until something does. _

_Her hopes of finding Paris and Durst alive are instantly dashed as she stumbles across the sight before her. In the place the scientist referred to as "Organ Processing" she finds their bodies. They're hardly recognisable, but instinct tells her it's them, just as surely as it tells her there is no hope left. _

_She kneels down on the cold, hard ground, and looks on in fury at their lifeless forms. Durst's face is missing, along with many of his organs and all that remains is a bloody pulp, that had she still been human would have made her throw up. She turns to Paris and the scene isn't any better. They haven't taken as much from him- his heart and kidneys, judging by the scarring. And his eyes. His beautiful, blue eyes. This seems to snap something within her. She stands up to her full menacing height. She'll find the monsters who did this. She'll rip them apart as slowly as they did to them, and when she found the one who had Paris' eyes…_

"B'Elanna! B'Elanna, wake up!"

A familiar voice by her side…

She opened her eyes, disorientated, only to find deep, blue eyes staring back at her. She jumped in surprise.

"Tom?" her voice was raspy. "What are you doing here?"

"You fell asleep in the mess hall," he informed her.

"I did?"

He nodded, sitting down beside her. "It's almost 4 am, what are you doing down here?"

She fidgeted with her now cold raktajino. "I had a nightmare," she confessed, her voice still soft and human-sounding. "And I came out here to get a drink." _Replicators in quarters not withstanding, _she thinks. But hopes Tom doesn't question her on it. She's not sure he'll understand.

He looked at her intently, and she hated the way he makes her feel as if he can see right through her.

"What are _you_ doing down here?" she asked him, noting the way his lips quirk at the question.

"I had a nightmare and I came out here to get a drink," he echoed.

She raised an eyebrow at him, and he smirks in return.

She wants to ask him about his nightmare, wants to know if they're dreaming about the same terror, wants to know if talking to him about it will ease the pain in her that's been growing ever since their return. Yet she can't seem to formulate the right words to articulate what she wants to say.

A moment of silence stretched between them, but instinctively she knows they're thinking about the same thing.

"Hey, B'Elanna?"

She looked at him again.

"If you ever, you know, need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She's surprised at the earnestness in his eyes. She nods, and he places a hand on hers reassuringly, before getting up and leaving.

It's not until after he's gone that she realised that whilst talking to her, the fire in his eyes had been blazing.

The next morning, she stumbled into the mess hall for breakfast, feeling drained from her lack of sleep. She found a solitary spot at the back of the mess hall, and tried to drink her coffee without falling asleep in the process. For a moment a sense of wistfulness passed over her. Had Seska still been here, she'd be teasing her about her tiredness. Seska wouldn't care about what B'Elanna was going through, nor could she ever understand, but she'd be a comforting kind of company. With her gone, the only people she could call friends were Chakotay and Harry. But Chakotay barely had a spare moment for himself, let alone her, and Harry divided his free time between her and Tom, though spent more of his time with Tom. Not that she was resentful, it just made her realise how isolated she felt at times like this.

Speaking of Tom, she spotted him sitting on the other side of the mess hall, without Harry in sight. She didn't feel like she knew him well enough to sit with him, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to. The Vidiian mine incident withstanding, her opinion of Tom prior to it was dubious at best.

She frowned when she realised she's started to refer to him mentally as "Tom," rather than "Paris," or one of her favourites, "Pig-face."

Another surreptitious look at him, and she found that he looks how she feels. Tired and drained. There are dark shadows under his eyes, and he seems to be struggling to pay attention to the greetings of many passers-by.

As if he could feel her watching him, his gaze caught hers, and she flushed when she realised she'd been caught. He gave her a short smile, but it took a while for her to return what she thought was one back. It took longer still for her heart to steady, although she wasn't sure why.

Gaze now firmly glued to her coffee mug, she refused to look back at him. The movement of people around her told her it was time to begin her shift. Momentarily closing her eyes, she drew out a long sigh.

_It's going to be a long day. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Look After You- Chapter Two**

Chapter: 2/?

Rating : T

Pairing: P/T

Summary: Set after the episode "Faces." After their ordeal in the Vidiian mines, two very different people find they share a common ground.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything, apparently. The title comes from The Fray's song Look After You.

Author's note: Many thanks to **Pepper9873** for the beta, and everyone who reviewed.

Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the stars refuse to shine  
Out of the back you fall in time  
I somehow find you and I collide

_Howie Day "Collide"_

She stared distractedly at the warp core, thinking about a person whose eyes were the exact shade of light emanating from it. The image of him lying dead in her dream was plaguing her thoughts. The question her mind kept asking was how close that dream was to becoming a reality?

"Lieutenant Torres?"

She jumped out of her reverie, and found herself facing Joe Carey. "Lieutenant?"

"I have that report you requested," he said, handing out the padd in his hand.

She blinked, trying to regain herself. "I see."

"Lieutenant, is everything okay?"

Joe and she weren't exactly friends, not yet anyway, but he was fast becoming someone she considered a good colleague, and his ability to pick up her moods was more than sound.

"I'm fine," she answered stiffly.

Joe hesitated. "You've just seemed a bit distracted lately. With everything that's happened lately, I'm not surprised, and if you need time off-,"

"No," she cut him off sharply. Her eyes suddenly softened. With Joe's endeavour to honour her as his superior, even though the position most probably belonged to him, he was the last person she wanted to receive her moody Klingon monster traits. Not yet anyway. "I'm fine," she reassured him. "I'm just thinking about…the warp core."

He studied her intently for a moment. "If you needed time out, to think 'about the warp core' that would be okay."

She nodded, touched by his concern. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

He nodded back.

As he departed, her eyes turned once again to the warp core. During their short time stuck on the other side of the galaxy, they'd been in peril far too many times to count. Why then was this incident so different that she was struggling to move past it?

_Because someone died and you can't help but blame yourself._

Instinctively, her gaze wandered over to the station Durst usually worked at. She hadn't known him well, but he'd been a good man, and she had personally recommended him to the Captain for their away mission. She remembered how he struggled to maintain his professionalism over his excitement on being able to go on his first Voyager away mission, and how Tom had talked about how the first one always seemed to end in disaster. How she wished he had been wrong. Durst would never write up his first away mission report for Voyager, would never get the chance to go for a second, third or fourth, nor would he continue with them on their journey home, or get the chance to reunite with his family. Did he have a wife back home waiting for him? Did he have his own family? She wished she had gotten the chance to ask.

Why hadn't they taken her instead? She had been weaker. She was the logical choice. She remembered her Klingon self telling her what the Vidiian had done to Durst's face, and was so glad she hadn't been the one to see it. That face could have easily been Paris', and she couldn't help but feel guilty over her relief that it hadn't been.

Something occurred to her. If she hadn't been Klingon, all three of them would never have returned. Somehow, she wasn't sure that was something to be grateful about.

***

After her shift she wandered around the ship, her mind in a continuous state of thought. Before she knew it, she was standing outside Tom's quarters.

_Maybe I need to talk to him_, she thought.

She took a deep breath. "Computer: locate Lieutenant Paris."

"Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters."

She hesitated. "Is he alone?"

"Affirmative."

She pressed the call button on his door, and heard his reply for her to come in. Taking another deep breath, she stepped in.

He was sitting on his couch, dressed in his dark blue night wear. She'd never seen him dressed like this before, and even during their night encounter he had been in uniform. Her gaze became fixed on the triangle of gold-red hair exposed to her, and she found herself blushing when she realised she'd been staring a moment too long.

She hesitated in the door way. "Is this a bad time?" she asked.

Tom seemed surprised to see her. "No, of course not. I was just writing up a report." He waved the padd in his hand for demonstration. "I wasn't expecting company though," he said by way of explanation for his current state of dress.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked to come by earlier."

He shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry about. Take a seat." He pointed to the space beside him, and rather nervously she joined him.

His blue eyes bore onto hers. "What can I do for you, B'Elanna?"

"I guess my Klingon DNA hasn't fully integrated with my human DNA yet."

He looked at her in confusion.

"I have this inexplicable need to just _talk. _I've never been this unreserved before."

He smiled at her confession.

"I was hoping I could talk to you about what happened down in the mines. You're the only one who can understand."

"Of course you can."

She wrung her hands together. "I can't stop thinking about everything that happened down there. It's becoming an obsession."

"B'Elanna, something like that isn't something you can forget about easily."

"I wish I could," she said softly. "Every night I have these nightmares, and they're awful in every way possible. I keep- I _keep _dreaming that my Klingon self finds Durst and you dead, and the two of you are mutilated beyond recognition."

He gave a slight smile. "Funny, I keep dreaming the same of _you_ and Durst."

She studied his face, every inch of it, before her gaze landed back to his eyes. "I keep dreaming that they take your eyes," she confessed.

He laughed. "My _eyes_?"

She looked at him in confusion, before realising he didn't know what she obviously did. "You have the most vibrant shade of blue eyes that I've ever seen. I imagine that the Vidiians wouldn't hesitate for a moment before taking them to look more attractive."

"Lieutenant Torres! Was that a compliment?" he teased her.

She blushed again when she realised she'd revealed a little bit too much information. "I really can't wait until my DNA is normal again. I can't seem to shut up."

Tom smiled again. "I like you like this. You're open. You've never revealed this much of yourself before."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You never gave me a reason to," she said, thinking about when she first met him in the Maquis, and he'd asked her a lot of questions she refused to answer.

He was grinning now. "Maybe you're right." His expression suddenly turned serious. "How do you feel about being reunited with your Klingon side?"

She considered this for a moment. "At the moment I feel at peace with myself. But I'm sure that won't last long. Seeing the two sides of me manifested into two different people, was a strange and equally incredible experience. It taught me a lot about myself. I just wish my Klingon self didn't have to die for me to realise what I did."

"Your two sides wouldn't have been able to coincide separately," Tom pointed out. "They need each other together to live."

"Funny, I've spent my whole life fighting with myself, thinking the opposite."

They smiled at each other.

"You know, when they carted you off from the mines, I was so scared they'd taken you to organ processing."

"But I'm fine."

He looked at her sadly. "You might not have been."

"It wouldn't have been your fault had I been."

"You don't understand. I was in charge of that mission. It was my duty to ensure that you didn't get hurt. I was to suppose to look after you. _And_ Durst. Now he's dead."

For a moment she didn't understand why he felt so responsible. And then suddenly it hit her. She could almost hear him thinking, _I have a penchant for killing those I'm in command of. _And all of a sudden, his introverted and withdrawn behaviour over the last few days made sense.

When she first started working on Voyager, the rumour mill had been crazy with gossip about Tom Paris. There had been many people angry about his sudden promotion to conn officer, when they thought he clearly didn't deserve it. No man who killed his friends in a mission gone horribly wrong and then later had the nerve to lie about it and blame it on one of his friends, deserved such a position. At the time, she hadn't been surprised at the news, but she hadn't cared for it either.

Looking into his stormy eyes now, she could tell there was more to that story than what had been told. There was more to Tom than an irresponsible liar, and seeing his guilt that his past had been repeated, only affirmed this for her.

She squeezed his hand, possibly a gesture due to her still being too human, but she wasn't ashamed to do so. "Tom, you can't hold yourself responsible for this. Nothing you could have done would have made a difference."

"They could have taken _me._ Both Durst and I knew that they weren't taking him away to communicate with the ship. I let him go, and I didn't even offer him any reassuring words."

"Tom, you were the strongest of us three. You would have been the last to go. _I _was the weakest one. I should have been the one to go. I've spent days deliberating over this, and the only conclusion I can reach, is that it was all down to chance. For whatever reason, they took him."

"He didn't deserve that."

"And you think you did?"

"Well I haven't exactly led the noblest life."

"And you think everyone else has? No one, even you, deserved what the Vidiians did. What happened with Durst had nothing to do with what happened to you in the past."

He looked haunted. "How can you be sure?"

"Because everyone makes mistakes, Tom. And that doesn't mean we have to spend the rest of our lives paying for them."

He didn't say anything, instead his gaze dropped to their touching hands, misery etched on his face.

"I shouldn't have lied about it."

"About your friends?"

He nodded. "I don't even know why I did. They didn't deserve that and I can't believe I'd dishonour them like that. I just couldn't bring myself to admit fault to the accident. I think I was still too shocked at them being dead, and before I knew it, I had told the worst lie of my life."

"But you confessed."

"Yeah eventually. And it was the lie rather than the deed that was the most incriminating."

"At least you were willing to take responsibility for your actions. That took a lot of courage."

He gave a bitter laugh. "It was a lack of courage that stopped me from telling the truth in the first place."

"But you said it yourself, it wasn't as simple as that. And look how hard you're trying to repent. I saw how much it meant to you when the Captain promoted you. How determined you were to do the right thing. You rescued Harry and me from the array as easily as reciting numbers. Hell, you even rescued me back in the Maquis. Yes, my opinion of you has been colourful, shall we say, but our experience down in the mines showed me who you really are. And I think you hide that part of you deep down because you're afraid people won't believe that's who you are anymore."

His eyes were wide. "Do you really believe that?"

"What, that you secretly suffer from a hero complex? Yes." She grinned at him. "But I promise not to tell anyone."

He smiled. "Thank you, B'Elanna."

"You're welcome."

His smile suddenly dropped. "I can't believe this. You came to me to talk about your troubles, and here you are trying to counsel me over mine."

"It's fine. I actually feel a lot better now."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean I don't feel completely over it. But I feel a little less lost. It helps talking to someone who's gone through it too."

"I'm glad."

She looked around. "I guess I better get a move on. I have an early shift tomorrow."

He nodded. "Me too."

"Thank you, Tom," she said sincerely.

"Anytime, B'Elanna. And thank you too."

They both smiled at each other again, before she stood to make her way towards the door.

"B'Elanna," he called out to her as she started making her way out.

She turned around.

"I'm really glad you were so open with me. I hope that in a few days time, you don't feel the need to hide that part of you, lest what you say is too Klingon. Your human side. Your Klingon side. There's a brilliant balance there somewhere, but you shouldn't feel the need to compromise one for the other."

She smiled at him. "I can't make any promises for sure, Tom."


	3. Chapter 3

**Look After You**

Chapter: 3/?

Rating : T

Pairing: P/T

Summary: Set after the episode "Faces." After their ordeal in the Vidiian mines, two very different people find they share a common ground.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything, apparently. The title comes from The Fray's song Look After You.

Author note: Thanks to Pepper for the beta!

***

"_I woke up this morning, with this feeling inside me that I can't explain, like a weight that I've carried, been carried away."_ Rascal Flatts, Feels Like Today

Harry was surprised to see B'Elanna walking up to their table the next day at breakfast.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked, looking at Harry who was facing her.

Harry gestured for the seat next to him, unable to speak with his mouth full of Neelix's [rather disgusting] leola root omelette.

Harry was slightly overjoyed at having B'Elanna sit with them. His invitations for her to join them were always turned down flat, and he always suspected that B'Elanna felt uncomfortable around Tom.

But instead, he watched as B'Elanna exchanged a shy smile with Tom, and Tom gave her one back. He noticed something that his tired mind hadn't noticed earlier; that Tom seemed considerably brighter than he had been the last few days, and B'Elanna too seemed a lot more comfortable with herself. He wondered if the two had talked about the Vidiian incident.

It had taken a while for Harry to extract what had happened on their away mission, and when he heard the details, he wasn't surprised at Tom's reluctance at sharing the information. Since Tom had been back, he'd watch him fall in a downwards spiral and nothing Harry said or did could bring him out of it. Maybe B'Elanna, the very person he shared the ordeal with, could help him through it, although she hadn't seemed too focused the last few days either.

"How are you this morning, lieutenant?" Tom asked B'Elanna, with a playful emphasis on the word 'lieutenant.'

B'Elanna looked at him, eyes gleaming. "I'm fine. Really good actually." Harry still couldn't get used to B'Elanna's softer, gentler voice. "How are you? Both, I mean."

"Well you know, it's too early in the morning for my brain to function, but I couldn't be better," Tom answered, grinning back at B'Elanna.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so you're implying that you have a brain, are you? I'm good B'Elanna. It's nice seeing you for breakfast."

Tom stood up to leave. "Yeah you know you should join us for lunch."

B'Elanna nodded. "Sure," she answered. "I'd like that."

Watching the two, he suspected that he was finally getting his two friends back again. That they seemed to be more comfortable with each other was an added bonus.

***

B'Elanna watched from the sidelines as Harry and Tom played pool in Sandrine's, each egging each other on. Every time one got the other, she couldn't help but laugh.

And she hadn't laughed in a long time.

Ever since she had made the decision to join the two of them for breakfast two weeks ago, free time by herself wasn't an option anymore. Harry and Tom dragged her everywhere, and seemed to misunderstand the word "no," no matter how insistent she made it sound. At first she had regretted deciding to sit with them, hating their intrusion of her alone time, but as the days grew on she found that she enjoyed their company.

She had never really had a proper friend before. Chakotay didn't count as their relationship was that of siblings, and sometimes she forgot that he wasn't actually her brother. Their bond had been instantaneous, and she could honestly say that he was the only person she ever trusted on sight. In retrospect, Seska and she had been acquaintances rather than friends. Seska had been far too absorbed in Chakotay to care much for B'Elanna, and B'Elanna never felt the need to think much for her when she was pulling the jealous-possessive act. Harry and Tom…well, they were different. Harry was so trusting and child-like that she couldn't help but be drawn in by him from the moment she met him. Since then, she hadn't had much of a chance to spend time with him, and with Tom hanging around him all the time she'd made a conscious effort not to, lest she ripped his head off.

But ever since she had talked to Tom, things had been different. She found he was more tolerable than she expected, and hanging out with the two of them could be fun, if she let it be. At breakfast, they shared each other's company in companionable silence, none of them being awake enough to exchange more than a handful of words. If they had a chance to grab lunch together, they always gave each other words of encouragement to get them through the rest of the day and dinner in either Harry's or Tom's quarters usually accumulated in mayhem of some sort, but she found she looked forward to that part of her day best.

She considered having these two people as her friends ridiculous. Five year olds had friends. Surely by her age, there was no such thing? Irrelevant perhaps. Yet there was something compelling about having two people who cared about her. Though they'd only been doing this for two weeks, she could have sworn that it felt like they'd been doing it for a lifetime. She wasn't quite sure if they had alternative motives for suddenly befriending her. Harry surely not. But Tom? Despite her words to him, there was still something about him that put her on the edge, but she couldn't tell what.

She watched as Tom sunk the last ball in, and Harry groaned.

"There goes my rations," Harry said, walking off and muttering something about daylight robbery.

Tom was grinning from ear to ear, and there was something boyish and charming she found about that smile.

"Hey B'Elanna, want to play?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so."

Tom walked up in front of her, and leaned on his pool stick, eyes level with hers.

"And why not?"

She refused to recoil beneath that gaze. "I hate pool." The truth was she couldn't actually play pool. As much as she wanted to pretend that she couldn't and bluff him just as the captain had, she didn't quite contain that trick up her sleeve. Though she was curious about the game, having Tom revel in teaching it to her would be too much. She hated the idea of him thinking of her as some quaint little girl who needed a man to show her the way to Deep Space 9. Kahless knew that he'd already seen the most vulnerable side of her, and that was something she didn't want to have to repeat anytime soon.

He didn't seem satisfied by her answer. "You _hate _pool?"

"Is that so surprising? It's not exactly the most challenging of games."

Tom gawped at her. "Well, what would a person with such good tastes as yourself, consider _challenging_?"

The look in her eyes matched the challenge in his. "Parrises Squares."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"Well then, let's play lieutenant."

"Are you sure about that? I may just whip your ass."

Tom grinned. "Is that a challenge?"

She grinned back. "You bet it is."


	4. Chapter 4

**Look After You 5**

Chapter: 4/?

Rating : T

Pairing: P/T

Summary: Set after the episode "Faces." After their ordeal in the Vidiian mines, two very different people find they share a common ground.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything, apparently. The title comes from The Fray's song Look After You.

Author note: Thanks again to Pepper for the beta!

*******

"_This is over my head, but underneath my feet. 'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat and everything will be back to the way that it was. I wish that it was just that easy._" – Lifehouse, Somewhere in Between

"VeQ ngIm! B'Elanna spat at the bio-neural gel packs.

"Well I take it your Klingon side has fully integrated back with you," came a voice from behind her.

B'Elanna turned around to find Tom Paris looking at her rather smugly, and she tried to restrain the urge from ripping his head off just for that.

"What do want Paris? I'm busy." Her voice was back to its usual gruff tone.

"So the bio-neural gel on your face tells me," he said. "I came to ask if you're free to join me and Harry tonight."

"Why, still sore about me beating you last night?" She couldn't suppress her smirk at that thought.

Tom rolled his eyes. "You didn't _beat _ me, I recall, you just about won."

"That sounds like the talk of a sore loser."

"You know, I preferred it when you used to be a little bit nicer to me."

"When did that ever happen?"

Tom smiled. "So are you free tonight?"

"Not if I can't fix this stupid gel pack."

"What was it my uncle always used to say? If it doesn't fix, force it and if it breaks it needed replacing anyway. But then again he did run off with a gaseous, non-corporal entity, so his logic may not be sound."

B'Elanna blinked, and then again. "That wasn't very helpful, Tom."

"Well then, how can I be of use?"

"You can go to locker Gamma 5 in Engineering and get me a new gel pack," she intoned sweetly.

Tom wrinkled his nose at the prospect of walking to the other side of the ship. "Fine," he sighed dramatically. "But only if you promise to turn up tonight."

"Why, do you plan to disembowel me and chuck me out the nearest airlock?"

"I thought that was more your kind of thing. No, I have something to show the both of you. Be outside the holodeck at the seven, okay?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "Fine."

Grinning, Tom walked off, and then suddenly turned around. "Oh and B'Elanna? I'm glad you're back to your usual, charming half-Klingon self," he said, thumbs held up.

She rolled her eyes again. "Get out of here, Paris," she growled.

"Yes ma'am."

***

"Well, if it isn't my second regular patient, looking…delightful," the Doctor said disdainfully, as she entered Sickbay, no doubt eyeing the mixture of warp core and gel over her entire form.

"Nice to see you too, Doctor," B'Elanna said dryly. She made a motion for one of the biobeds, but he stopped her.

"Lieutenant, I'd like it if you stay standing. I don't want you messing up my biobed. They don't clean themselves."

B'Elanna gave the doctor an incredulous look. Was he being serious? "Fine," she muttered, remaining standing.

He came at her with a tricorder. "Well B'Elanna, this should be your last check-up, you'll be happy to know."

"Delighted."

"You should be on the way back to your usual, charming half-Klingon self."

B'Elanna gave him another look. Had he and Tom been exchanging jokes together?

B'Elanna sighed as the doctor ran the tricorder over her.

"Your DNA is now 50% human and 50% Klingon. Your transcription and translation processes are all functioning well, and your metabolism has increased back to normal. Your body has fully recovered and appears to be displaying no side effects from having its DNA ripped apart and back again."

The Doctor almost seemed disappointed by this. "Kes is going to give you a verbal psychiatric evaluation," he went on.

"A what?"

"A psychiatric evaluation. Standard procedure after physical traumatic stress on the body."

She didn't know what the hell one of those was.

Kes took her into the office and motioned for her to sit down.

"Isn't the Doctor worried about me contaminating one of his chairs?" B'Elanna asked.

Kes smiled. "He'll get over it."

B'Elanna took a seat.

"I have to give a psychiatric evaluation to see how you are doing, lieutenant," Kes went on. "Usually it's the Doctor who should do it, but I thought with his…nature, maybe I should be the one to do so."

B'Elanna nodded, not caring either way. Having not had a great day, she wanted to be out of sickbay as soon as possible.

"So B'Elanna, the doctor has finished his treatment for you. How are you feeling?"

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow at Kes. Was someone who was only one-year old trying to counsel her?

"I'm okay, I guess," she answered coolly.

Kes nodded, looking down at her padd. "The doctor administered his treatment for you over several days, so it's probably taken quite a while for your Klingon side to fully incorporate with your human side. How did you feel about that?"

B'Elanna shrugged. "I don't know how I feel. The integration has been gradual, so the change within me has been too." Her eyes glazed. "But it was nice being human for a while."

Kes nodded again, understandingly. B'Elanna wasn't sure Kes could ever understand her predicament, but Kes was very empathetic, and there was something about her that made B'Elanna let go of her tendency to keep things in.

"It must have been strange not to worry about your Klingon side for a while."

B'Elanna said nothing for a while. "It was weird not having that part of me there. I was so used to battling with that part of me everyday, and without her everything seemed so quiet. It was kind of nice, actually. But part of me is glad to be back to normal again. I've been feeling like a ghost of my former self."

"Hopefully this incident has helped you forge a sense of harmony with your Klingon side. Now that you've seen her, maybe you're able to understand why she is like she is."

B'Elanna nodded. "Maybe."

"I really do hope you find peace with yourself, B'Elanna," Kes said sincerely. She looked down at her padd again. "How are you feeling about your away mission? I imagine it must have been very hard for you."

B'Elanna cast her eyes downwards and closed her eyes. Talking about her Klingon side was one thing. Talking about what happened seemed much harder.

She looked back up to Kes' big, expressive eyes. There was wisdom there, but innocence too.

How could Kes ever know what it was like?

There just weren't enough words.

***

She returned to her quarters afterwards, and sat on her couch, eyes glued firmly on the view port of the stars.

Somewhere out there was a planet with numerous caves and even more prisoners, slaving away for Vidiians, knowing their life was balanced precariously somewhere between near death and absolute death. Some would be there for barely an hour, others years; each minute would feel like an eternity.

Should Voyager have done more to save them? Or would that have been interfering with Starfleet's stupid protocols? What of that Talaxian who had probably saved hers and Tom's life by giving them water? After all he'd done for them, they'd left him behind.

Horror still filled her heart every time she thought about the place, and she thought about it constantly. Kes said that it would take time to heal. But she couldn't imagine a time when she wouldn't feel like this. But at least the nightmares had stopped. Talking to Tom had helped that much. Sometimes though, she couldn't help but feel she was still living a nightmare.

Her combadge beeped.

She pressed it. "Torres here."

"B'Elanna, it's Harry. Where are you?"

Her eyes widened. She'd completely forgotten about their "date!"

"I'm on my way," she lied.

She could practically hear Harry grinning at her lie. "You better hurry; Tom looks like he's going to have an aneurysm."

"He probably deserves it," she muttered. _Stupid Paris and his stupid plans. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Look After You- Chapter Five**

Chapter: 5/?

Rating : T

Pairing: P/T

Summary: Set after the episode "Faces." After their ordeal in the Vidiian mines, two very different people find they share a common ground.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything, apparently. The title comes from The Fray's song Look After You. Information on Tom's ship came from here: www . lib . mq . edu . au / all / journeys / ships / vessels. html (with no spaces in between)

"Pathways" belongs to Jeri Taylor, and it would help if you've read that. In that book, B'Elanna too has a passion for sailing. HMS Pinafore "We sail the ocean blue" belongs to the geniuses who created it.

Author notes: Thanks to Pepper for the beta! I hope you all enjoy reading this, and it was fun to write.

***

"_This _is what you wanted us to see?"

There were a lot of things B'Elanna was, but at that very moment impressed wasn't one of them.

"Yeah," Harry's voice echoed, just as unimpressed. "You brought us onto a boat?"

"It's a ship actually," Tom corrected, not bothered by their reactions. "A 19th Century Hermaphrodite Brig."

B'Elanna snorted at the name.

"I don't get what you wanted us to see," Harry said confused. "It's just a ship."

At that moment, Tom looked like he wanted to push Harry overboard. "It's not just a ship, Harry! Look around, can't you see how brilliant it is?"

Harry and B'Elanna cast their gazes around them. They were on the deck of a pretty big ship, and B'Elanna couldn't help but admire the magnificent sails and masts. They were so noticeable and seemed incredibly superfluous, but were apparently essential for the ship to move. B'Elanna never could get her head around how basic ancient things were. Not to mention silly.

"It's…big," she supplied.

"125 feet long," Tom said proudly.

"And you intend to drive this thing?" Harry asked.

"Steer, Harry. And yes, I do."

"How long did it take for you to create this?" B'Elanna asked.

"I started working on it as soon I got holodeck privileges. I love sailing."

"Really? I could never have guessed," said Harry, sarcastically.

She took from Harry's tone and look of queasiness that he did not. Inwardly, she couldn't help admire Tom's passion for ships. When she was younger, she used to love going sailing on the lake back home. Only in small boats, though. She didn't think she could sail in something as pretentious as this. It was rare to see another person whose passion for sailing matched what hers had been. She expected Tom to love all the flashy and indulgent things of their time. His love for ancient things was unexpected, and slightly endearing.

"So are we going to go sailing?" she inquired.

He grinned. "You bet. Anchors away!" he hollered to some of the holographic crew.

Moments later, they were setting sail in the middle of an ocean, with only vast space ahead of them. B'Elanna revelled in the sea breeze against her skin, and the movement of the ship as she glided effortlessly against the sea. Harry too was absorbing the sensation of sailing; the wind in his hair, the gentle rocking of the ship and the unique smell of the ocean. B'Elanna smiled when she noticed him with his eyes closed and chin lifted upwards.

"Enjoying yourself, Harry?"

He opened his eyes and grinned at her. "This is kind of relaxing isn't it?"

They were both at the bow of the ship, leaning over the rail and just admiring the ship cutting through the waves.

"Relaxing for some, yes," Tom mused from his position behind them at the wheel.

"Hey, I offered to steer but you wouldn't let me," Harry pointed out.

"She's my baby," Tom said. "So I get the honour of steering."

"Does 'she' have a name?" B'Elanna asked.

"The Bold Ego."

"The _what_?" That from Harry.

"It's a play on words. The Bold Ego. Boldly go."

"I don't get it."

"You know? To boldly go where no man has gone before."

"Ohhh," B'Elanna and Harry chorused.

"I didn't know you were a fan of Picard," Harry mused.

"He does have pretty cool phrases," Tom quipped.

Harry and B'Elanna exchanged grins.

"So are we heading anywhere?" Harry asked.

"I've programmed in a few islands to explore," Tom answered, as he proceeded to tell them about explorers of the 19th Century.

"If we have to hear anymore," Harry muttered after a while, "there is going to be a 'man overboard situation,' and that man isn't going to be me."

B'Elanna laughed. The history lesson was tiresome after a while, but the trip was fun. She hadn't been this relaxed in ages, and for a while she was able to forget her troubles. Maybe that's why Tom wanted her to see this, because he knew it would help. If he had, it had worked. It also helped remind her how much she loved being on or in water. The ocean, lake or river- she loved them all. She hadn't done something like this in a long time. In fact, the last time she had even been near water was back in the Maquis with Tom. They'd come across an M-class planet whilst hiding out in the Badlands, and they and a few others were working on building a base there. It was unbearably hot, so the two of them decided to cool off in the nearby stream. She had decided to try and knock Tom down a few pegs or so by playing a trick on him, but her plan had backfired, and had he not rescued her, she would have ended up dying. Looking at him now, steering the ship with a grin the size of the Alpha Quadrant, it was hard to think that he had been that cocky, arrogant, irksome man she'd met back then. Oh, he was still those things, but a more dilute form, which was definitely saying something. She'd never have guessed that she'd befriend him, much less come to like him. She was glad to find out that he wasn't as bad as she previously thought.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Tom starting to sing.

"We sail the ocean bluuuue, and our saucy ship's a beauuuuty. We're sober men and truuuue and attentive to our duteeey…" He began in an awful operatic voice.

B'Elanna and Harry looked at each other in concern.

"Tom, what are you doing?" B'Elanna asked.

"I'm singing," he replied defensively.

"It's disturbing," Harry said.

"Yeah," B'Elanna agreed. "I think some holographic dolphins heard you singing. And died."

"Hey!" he cried. "I'm not that bad."

"I don't know. My heart's still beating pretty fast from the scare," Harry put in. It was fun teasing Tom.

B'Elanna felt similar. Apparently you could be an extremely good pilot or a good singer, but you could not be both.

Tom glared them. "This is my ship, and if I want to sing, I will do. In fact, I'm going to go right ahead and sing the whole score of the HMS Pinafore."

Harry and B'Elanna groaned.

"How long does it last?" B'Elanna whispered to Harry.

Harry tried to remember it from a concert he had seen with Libby. "I can't remember. It's quite long. It's in several acts."

B'Elanna's eyes widened. "We chuck him over, we chuck him _now_!"

But they were spared Tom singing again, by the beeping of Tom's combadge.

"Casey to Paris."

"Paris here."

"Tom, where are you?" An annoyed woman's voice came through.

Tom looked confused. "Where am I?"

"You were supposed to meet me for dinner, remember? We had a date."

Tom's eyes widened in remembrance. "I'll be right there."

"You doubled booked us, Tommy?" Harry asked, mockingly shaking his head. "I'm disgusted." _And relieved, _he thought.

"I'm sorry, guys. I completely forgot I made a date with Alison. Catch you guys later?" Tom said, looking rather apologetic, before asking the computer for transportation out of the programme.

_Well some things just don't change_, B'Elanna thought with amusement.

"So it's just us two," Harry mused.

"It's just us," she agreed.

"You know, apart from Tom's 'singing,' this hasn't been so bad, but do you know what would be great?"

She eyed him warily. "What?"

"If we made a few important changes to this ship."

B'Elanna grinned. "I like your thinking, Starfleet."


	6. Chapter 6

**Look After You- Chapter Six**

Rating : T

Pairing: P/T

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything, apparently. The title comes from The Fray's song Look After You

Summary: Tom and B'Elanna go on their first away mission since the mines, and find out there's no such thing as a simple mission.

Thanks to Pepper for the beta.

***

"_Hold on, hold on to yourself. You know that only time will tell." -_ Sarah Mclachlan, Hold On

"Lieutenant Torres and Paris to the Captain's Ready Room."

B'Elanna groaned, wanting to stay in bed but the captain's orders were forcing her away from her beloved piece of furniture.

"Do I have to?" she moaned, before realising a moment too late that her combadge was still on.

"Yes Lieutenant, and you might want to pick up some coffee on the way," came the captain's amused voice.

B'Elanna groaned again and propelled herself out of bed.

_So much for a lie in, _she thought.

A little while later she found her way to the Ready Room, and Tom was already there. She was disgusted to see him looking decidedly immaculate compared to her rather dishevelled form.

"Did you get up at 5am to look like that, Paris?" she snarled.

Tom raised his eyebrows. "Good morning to you too, Torres. Someone's cheerful this morning."

She muttered something that sounded like a string of curses.

Kathryn entered the room, carrying a padd in one hand.

"Ah, B'Elanna, Tom. Take a seat," she greeted.

Mutely, they sat down beside each other.

The captain took a seat nearby them.

"Our sensors have picked up a nearby uninhabited M-class planet, which could be a source of dilithium crystals."

B'Elanna's heart tightened in trepidation; she had a feeling of what was coming next.

"I want to send a shuttle to investigate."

The captain looked at both of them intently. "I want to send the two people I think are most suitable for the job."

Tom and B'Elanna exchanged looks. Were they ready to back out on a mission again? It had only been a month since their Vidiian expedition and in some ways it felt a lot longer; in other ways it felt like barely a day had passed since their return.

"I understand if the two of you do not feel up to the task. Lieutenant Carey is more than happy to go for you B'Elanna, and I'm sure we can send someone instead of you, Tom."

For a moment, neither of them said anything. B'Elanna glanced down at her hands, and intertwined her fingers together. Personally, she felt that she would be okay if she never went on another away mission again. But she knew fear was what was holding her back, and she never wanted to be the type of person that let fear restrain her. Yet even though she knew she had to overcome this obstacle, she didn't feel ready. Somehow, she didn't think she ever would, and maybe that was the problem.

"I'll go," she said quietly.

It was Tom's turn to stare intently at her, and she gave him a reassuring smile. She knew that Tom probably felt similar to her, but she also knew that he thought this would be worse for her, and maybe he was right.

"I'm in too," Tom said.

The captain smiled at them. "Good, I'm glad. I have full confidence in you both that this will go well."

"I hope so," Tom muttered.

_I hope so too, _B'Elanna thought.

If she wasn't awake a few minutes ago, she definitely was wide awake now.

***

The two of them sat onboard the Cochrane, simply staring at the controls.

B'Elanna let out a long sigh.

Tom glanced at her. "So, we're definitely doing this?"

She nodded. "I think so."

"Right," he said. "_Right,_" he repeated more to himself, before initiating take off. To any other person, Tom might have appeared quite calm, if maybe a little worried, but B'Elanna knew him well enough to know that he was quite nervous. His trembling hands were a dead giveaway for starters.

"Well be fine, Tom," she assured him.

He frowned. "You don't know that."

She smiled. "I know, but I thought I'd try and reassure you anyway."

"Thanks."

They flew in silence for a long while, and tension started to build inside B'Elanna. She felt that at any moment, Vidiians were going to come and attack their shuttle.

"There aren't any signs of Vidiians around," Tom said, as if reading her mind.

"I know," she said quietly. "But an irrational part of me still thinks they could come out of nowhere. For all we know, a Vidiian is lying across the top of the shuttle, listening to our conversation."

Tom laughed. "If there is one, his butt must be frozen by now."

B'Elanna laughed back. "We can hope."

They fell into silence again.

"Are you still having nightmares?" Tom finally asked her.

"No, not for a while. Talking to you helped, actually."

Tom grinned. "Now there's a surprise."

"What about you?"

"The occasional one. But not like before."

"Good. I'm glad."

Silence again. B'Elanna tried to think of something to say, but the only thing she could think about was being captured, and that wasn't exactly a good conversation starter. Besides, they were almost at the planet.

"The computer is picking up nearby spatial turbulence," Tom suddenly announced.

B'Elanna grew alert. "We should re-route."

The shuttle violently shook.

"Too late," Tom said, surprised at how quick the turbulence reached them.

The shuttle shook again, more violently, and the two of them lurched forward.

B'Elanna swore.

"Engines are damaged," Tom reported. "Can we send a distress call to Voyager?"

"Negative, they're out of range."

"What about the transporters, are they online?"

"No, that would be too convenient."

It was Tom's turn to swear. "The M class planet is in range. We can try and make an emergency landing."

"Are you sure we can make it there?"

"Are options aren't exactly open."

B'Elanna's heart started racing. "Okay, re-routing power and employing anti-gravity thrusters. Hold on tight."

"You don't need to tell me," Tom said with a wince as they hurtled towards the planet.

_This is it, _she thought, closing her eyes and praying they'd make it through.

***

B'Elanna felt groggy, and it took a while for her to figure out where she was.

_I'm on the Cochrane, _she thought. _And it's crashed. _

She brought a hand up to her head, and felt blood there. She groaned. Had she passed out? And for how long?

She turned to look beside her. Tom's head and left side of his upper body was lying against the console, and his eyes were closed. For a moment, she wasn't sure if he was still alive, until she noted the small signs of him breathing.

"Tom," she whispered, shaking him gently. "Are you alive?"

He let out a moan. "Just barely," he answered, slowly opening his eyes. He lifted his head up, and looked at her. "Are you?"

She managed a small smile. "I think so. I hit my head pretty bad, but I think that's about it."

Tom tried to lift his left hand up to his face, but found he couldn't lift it up. He let out another moan when pain radiated from his elbow. "I think my elbow's broken. And my head doesn't feel too good either. In fact, I don't think anything feels good."

"Great, good to know that things just keep going from bad to worse. I'll go and grab the med kit." She stood up, and walked rather unsteadily through the damaged shuttle to the kit, before bringing it back. "I think it'll be safer if we try and move outside, I don't think it's too safe in here. Can you move?"

"I'm not sure. I'll try." He stood up with difficulty, and B'Elanna went over to support him. Wrapping her arm round his waist and his good arm round her shoulders, she helped him as he limped out the shuttle.

They were greeted by the sight of an incredibly sunny and pleasant planet.

"Well, doesn't this delightful scene just add insult to injury?" Tom mused, as they walked over to a spot several feet away from the shuttle.

B'Elanna snorted. "Would you rather be greeted by a stormy planet, maybe with a few hostile inhabitants there too?"

"It would match my mood," Tom said, as she set him down on the ground. "There aren't any inhabitants, are there?"

"The captain said this place uninhabited." She pulled out her tricorder and scanned around. "I'm not picking up any signs of life. If there's anybody around, they're hiding it."

"It would make my day if they were."

B'Elanna knelt down in front of him and opened the med kit, taking out the dermal regenerator. She ran it over the cuts he had on his forehead and left cheek. She gingerly lifted up the bloodied sleeve of his damaged arm, and healed the open wound of his elbow.

"Anywhere else?" she asked.

He lifted his right trouser leg with his good arm, exposing the deep gash running all the way down his leg.

B'Elanna frowned. "How did this happen?" she asked, as she scanned the regenerator over it.

"I'm not sure; I think I hit it against something damaged from the console."

B'Elanna sighed, and rummaged through the medkit. "I'm trying to find something in here to fix your arm."

"There's nothing for it. I'm going to wait until we're back on Voyager to get it sorted."

She noted the way his arm hung against him, with his face contorted in pain. She took off her jacket. "We can use this as a sling in the mean time," she decided.

"So what do we do now?" Tom asked, as she sat next to him.

She shrugged. "The shuttle isn't in any state to fly, and I can't send a subspace message to Voyager. I can use my combadge to send out a homing signal, but other than that all we can do is wait." She sighed. "Our first mission back and our shuttle crashes."

"Well at least we made it here," Tom mused.

"True. But not quite in one piece."

The two of them settled into a brooding silence, and B'Elanna started to feel the waves of an extremely bad mood come on.

_Once we're back, I'm never leaving Voyager again_, she thought.


	7. Chapter 7

**Look After You - Chapter Seven  
**

A/N: Thanks again to Pepper for the beta. Would be lovely to hear if people are enjoying/ not enjoying this.

***

They had been stuck on the planet for at least an hour, and B'Elanna wasn't exactly pleased. Fed up of doing nothing, she kept going over to the shuttle to see if anything could be repaired. When it was obvious that nothing could be done, she'd looked around the planet, but hadn't found anything of interest.

B'Elanna growled in frustration as she returned, and then turned to Tom, who seemed far too relaxed about being stranded.

"Paris, this is your fault!" She snapped, angrily.

He turned to look at her, eyebrows raised. "_My _fault?"

"Yes. Your fault. You're bad luck."

"I'm _bad _luck?" B'Elanna was pleased that he looked mildly offended by this.

"Every time you go on an away mission something bad always happens. That time we went to Markov-Kalto, you got swept back in time. And what about that time you got accused of murdering that Banean woman's husband?" She didn't dare mention the Vidiian incident, but it was hanging in the air. "You must have desecrated a planet of Native American burial grounds en route to Voyager, because there's no way this is just coincidence."

Tom didn't look too pleased by her accusations, and some part of her registered the fact that she was probably hurting his feelings, but she was far too wound up about not being able to make the shuttle work that she was lashing out at him.

Tom didn't say anything for a while, but she could see the muscles in his jaw tightening, and instantly regretted what she had said.

"Maybe you're right," he said quietly. "Maybe I am bad luck. Maybe I did something terrible that every time I go on a mission, something bad will always happen."

B'Elanna closed her eyes at her idiocy. She really did have to learn to think before she spoke. They'd barely been stranded for long, and she had already made him think of Caldik Prime.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Tom. That was unfair and uncalled for. I didn't mean it. I'm just angry at being stuck here."

He nodded, but she noted the tension didn't leave him. "Let's talk about something else, okay?"

She removed her hand from him, trying to think of something to say. "Okay, well, how did your date go last night?"

Tom couldn't seem to stop the smirk on his face from forming. "I'd say it went pretty well. We had a good time."

"I'm happy for you," she said dryly, realising what he meant. "So will you being seeing this Alison again?" she asked out of curiosity. She wasn't sure she had met her before.

Tom shook his head. "Nah."

She frowned. "Why not? I thought you said you had a good time."

He shrugged. "It was more of a one time thing."

"Well, it's good to know that that particular rumour of you is true."

"You don't seem to approve."

"I just don't understand how random hook ups can be meaningful."

"It's not meaning I'm looking for, B'Elanna. It's fun. I spent seven months in prison, so forgive me for wanting to live a little."

She scowled at him. "Have I ever told you that you're a pig?"

"Far too many times to count."

Her scowl didn't dissolve.

"Look, I may be having casual flings, but I never do anything that would hurt somebody. The women know it's just a one time thing, and they're okay with that."

The remaining look on her face told him that she didn't understand how anyone could be okay with that.

"I can't do the whole committed relationship thing," he confessed to her. "It's something I'm not good at."

Her scowl transformed into a frown. She was sure there was more to it than that, but she didn't ask what.

"Besides, you can't tell me that you haven't considered hooking up with anybody since we've been stranded."

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow at him. "I hope you're not implying that because I'm part Klingon that I feel this insatiable need to jump somebody."

"No, but you're part human. And humans have needs too."

"Male pigs such as yourself have needs, Tom. Us women are slightly more subdued."

Tom snorted. "The females onboard provide evidence to the contrary."

B'Elanna frowned again. "I'm not like them, okay? Is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

Tom held his hands up in defence. "I'm not trying to insult you or anything."

"People think that Klingon women sleep with anything remotely male to satisfy their 'uncontrollable urges.' They don't realise that they are actually quite monogamous. It's their sexual appetite towards their mate that they have trouble suppressing."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "I'll have to remember that the next time I run into a colony of Klingons." His look turned serious. "B'Elanna, you do work yourself to the ground. You are entitled to have some fun, you know."

B'Elanna shook her head. "I've done the whole casual thing before, and I hated it. I'd rather be alone."

"I'm sure there are plenty of guys on aboard who are the serious relationship types."

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow again. "Yourself included?"

He laughed. "No, I'm not the settling down type. Not by a long shot."

She wrinkled her nose. "I'm really not looking for any type of relationship right now."

"The thought hasn't even crossed your mind? No desires to _interact _with somebody?"

Tom noticed B'Elanna blushing, which surprised him because he didn't think she was capable of blushing, not with her DNA being back to normal anyway.

He decided it was time to make her squirm a little.

"Lieutenant, are you blushing?"

"No," she said, not looking him in the eye.

He drew his face closer to hers. "What are you thinking about?"

She refused to answer.

"Oh come on, B'Elanna! I divulged one of my secrets to you, so you should return the favour!"

"That wasn't a secret, Tom. That was common knowledge."

He raised an eyebrow, and in return she sighed. "Fine," she said. "Last night I had a _dream_."

"Oh really?" Tom sat back with interest. "What kind of dream?"

She looked rather reluctant to share. "A rather…steamy dream."

He gave her a look much like a cat would once it got the cream. "Are you going to tell me more?"

"I don't see why I have to."

"Oh come on! At least tell me who it was with."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. It was with Harry."

His jaw dropped. "Harry? As in Harry Kim? You had a sex dream, and it was with _Harry_?"

She gave him a look. "Why, who did you think it would be with? You?"

"No! I just don't think he's the ravish-women-in-their-dreams type of guy. I expected at least Chakotay."

"What makes you think I haven't dreamt of Chakotay?" Her eyes glazed over, and Tom had to wave his hand in front of her face to bring her back to reality. "You know, you shouldn't underestimate your best friend, Tom. It was a pretty good dream," she said with a smirk.

Tom didn't say anything for a while. "I didn't know you felt that way about him," he said finally.

B'Elanna laughed. "I don't 'feel that way about him.' I just dreamt about him, that's all. I had a pretty raunchy dream about Ayala once, but that doesn't mean I'm madly in love with him and want to jump his bones anytime soon."

Tom scoffed. "Anymore members of Voyager you're secretly fantasising about? Tuvok, perhaps?"

B'Elanna's mouth dropped. "I can't believe it! You're actually jealous, aren't you?"

He looked at her flatly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're jealous because I haven't 'dreamt' about you. You're so used to women falling at your feet, that it bothers you that I don't."

"That's not true!" he exclaimed. "Besides, you're my friend. I don't want you falling at my feet."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. You still think you're God's gift to women. In fact, I bet you secretly hope that Janeway fantasises about you."

Tom tried to speak but no words came out. After a while, he managed to put together some words. "That," he started, "was a mental picture that I did not need."

B'Elanna looked at the near-traumatised look on his face and started laughing until her sides hurt.


	8. Chapter 8

**Look After You - Chapter Eight**

"_When you smiled at me I felt many things. Like lust and fear and dreams." _Elisa, New Kiss

He was looking at her intently as she laughed. He wasn't frowning or giving her disapproving glares, instead his eyes were locked onto hers, and if she didn't know any better she would say he was marvelling her.

She stopped laughing. "What?" She furrowed her eyebrows. "Do I have something on my face?" She brought a hand up to her face, but could only feel dried blood from her previous cut.

"You should laugh like that more often, Torres," he said gently. Before she could question what he meant, the expression on his face changed. He stood up. "Come on, let's go and look around," he said, holding his good hand out to hers.

She took it, giving him a confused look. He didn't look at her directly and she decided to ignore what he said, not sure of its meaning. "Are you sure your fragile bones can take it?" she asked instead. "There are a few stones about. You might trip up and break your ankle."

He rolled his eyes, playfully. "I'm sure my extremely inferior human genes and I can handle it," he told her. They started walking, though at a slow pace that Tom's still injured form was comfortable with.

"Does this place remind you of anywhere?" she asked.

"It just seems like one of those M-class utopia-type planets," Tom answered.

B'Elanna disagreed. The extremely warm weather, the smell lingering in the air and the scenery all reminded her of something, but she couldn't remember what. It didn't really matter. She decided to enjoy being outdoors breathing real, fresh air. It might be a while before she experienced this again.

After several minutes of walking, the heat was starting to get to her. She felt more comfortable than she would have with her uniform jacket still on, but would feel even better when Voyager finally decided to come and get them.

Tom stopped suddenly stopped walking. "Hey, do you hear that?"

B'Elanna stopped too. "Hear what?" she asked, thinking he might mean the sound of someone about.

"I can hear rushing water. Or what sounds like it."

"You mean like a river?" She listened again. There. She could hear it too.

"Maybe. Come on, let's find it."

She followed Tom, and moments later came across a clear, running stream.

Tom practically collapsed at the sight of it. "I've never been so happy to see water in my life."

B'Elanna knelt down on the grass alongside the stream, and pulled out her tricorder.

"It's definitely good old dihydrogen monoxide, with no trace of any toxic chemicals so it's safe to drink."

Tom gave a cry of joy, before taking out his canteen from his belt, and placing it in the stream.

"Do you need a hand?" B'Elanna asked, as she watched him awkwardly do it with one hand.

"Nope," he answered as he managed to fill up his canteen, whilst spilling a lot of water back into the stream in the process.

She did the same; savouring the feeling of the cool water running down her throat. She placed her hands in the water, and brought them over her face. She sighed in satisfaction.

Tom watched her with a grin. "Hey, I know what this place reminds me of."

She looked at him. "What?"

"That planetoid we came across when we were in the Badlands. We came across a stream like this, and if I recall, someone drowned and had to be rescued."

"I'm surprised you remember. That was ages ago."

"B'Elanna, I always remember the incidents where I save attractive women in distress."

B'Elanna's eyebrow shot up at the word 'attractive.' But it had been no secret back then that he'd been attracted to her, if the constant leers were anything to go by. Although back then, he went after anything that claimed to be female, and she wasn't sure if he had changed in that aspect.

"Rescue women often, do you?"

"Well you know I am a regular superhero."

Superhero. She tried to think what one of those was. She seemed to recall that they were something children on Earth were really into. Men who wore silly costumes and pranced around a lot, perhaps? That sounded like Tom.

"I never told you that I was trying to play a trick on you, did I?"

"You were?"

"Yeah. I can hold my breath underwater for a lot longer than humans can, and I thought I'd try and ruffle your feathers and make you think I'd drowned. I wanted to wipe that annoying smirk off your face. But then that cascade of rocks in the stream caught me, and I ended up downing anyway."

Tom laughed. "And that is why you shouldn't play tricks on people. They end up backfiring."

"Really? Well, I hope you listen to your advice often, Tom. Because I'm not the one who hordes tricks up my sleeve, like a Ferengi with a shuttle full of gold."

Tom gave her an innocent look. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

They both smiled and looked at the stream, remembering back to the day of her accident.

_Kahless, that feels like a lifetime ago_, she thought.

"You couldn't stand me then, could you?" he inquired.

"That's putting it mildly. You rubbed me up completely the wrong way. You were this annoying, cocky and arrogant bastard."

"Why thank you."

She shoved him gently.

"Do you think I've changed?" he asked, his face completely serious.

She looked at him for a while. "I think you're changing and that's what matters. Like I said before, I think you've spent so much time hiding who you really are because you're afraid people won't believe that you're that person anymore. You spent so much time generating a façade of what you think people expect you to be, that somewhere along the lines you started to believe that's who you really are."

He cocked his head to the side. "How can you tell?"

She shrugged. "Just a feeling. Do you believe it?"

It was Tom's turn to shrug. "I'm so used to everyone believing the worst of me and being that person they think I am, that I can't remember a time of ever feeling different."

"I can see how hard you're trying to win the respect of everyone, Tom. And it's working."

"Am I earning yours?"

"I think the incident in the mines really made me respect you a few particles more."

"I'm glad," he said softly.

"Me too."

They lapsed into silence for a while.

"You know, I made a promise when we came back from the mines," Tom suddenly announced.

"What kind of promise?" she asked, thinking that maybe it was a silly kind of promise.

"That I'd try and keep you safe, so you never get hurt like that again."

She looked at him in surprise. "I don't need looking after, Tom," she replied softly. Any other man and she would have bitten their head off for even implying that she needed protecting, but there was something about Tom's gesture that made her heart beat a little faster. And that shocked her.

"I know. You can take on an army of Cardassians single-handedly and win. But that doesn't make me want to look out for you any less. I couldn't protect you when we were in the mines, even though I tried. And I don't know- I just need to know that I can protect you from something like that again."

"I don't hold that incident against you. It wasn't your fault, and you don't need to try and make it up to me."

"Let me, please? Call it a male macho thing, but it will make me feel better if I could."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she answered. "But if you expect me to play damsel-in-distress any time soon, you're going to be waiting a while."

"Oh, I know I will," he retorted with a smirk.

Their gazes locked, and she noted the way his face was lit up: big grin on his face, and his eyes shining with an intensity she hadn't seen for a while. She couldn't help but feel slightly unnerved by that gaze, but found she couldn't pull away from it. There was something riveting about his eyes, and the way he was looking at her was sending a strange sensation through every one of her nerves. His expression grew serious, and before she knew it they instinctively drew their faces closer together, so their lips were almost touching…

"Voyager to Lieutenant Torres and Paris, do you read?"

They jolted out of their daze, both surprised about what they were about to do.

Tom cleared his throat. "Paris here."

"Are you both all right?" Came the captain's worried voice.

Tom cast a glance at B'Elanna, who was trying to suppress a blush. "We're fine," he answered.

"I'm glad to hear that. Prepare to beam aboard."

Tom cast a final glance at B'Elanna, before they were both beamed back to Voyager.


	9. Chapter 9

**Look After You- Chapter Nine**

B'Elanna hadn't seen Tom properly since their crash three weeks ago, coming up with the excuse that they'd both been busy with their duties, although in reality she knew they were both trying to avoid one another. In particular, Tom seemed to be avoiding get- togethers and meals with her and Harry, and a part of her felt slightly disappointed by this.

Their almost-kiss had been unexpected, and on her part unwanted. As she had said to him, she wasn't one of the women falling at his feet and she never wanted to be. Maybe she found him slightly attractive, but then again you'd have to have a heart as cold as a Cardassian to be completely impermeable to Tom Paris. Likewise, she was sure that Tom saw her just as his friend and that the days of him being so determined to pursue her had died out as soon as he decided to change who he was. But compared to the likes of Harry, her relationship with Tom was very different. With Harry, their friendship was easy and effortless and she knew without a doubt that it was completely platonic. With Tom, however, things weren't so easy. She still hadn't been able to get rid of that unsettling feeling that came with being around him, and she couldn't stand the fact that some things about him she just couldn't figure out or anticipate, whilst he was able to read her with startling clarity.

***

Tom and Harry had a date with the Delaney sisters, and for the first time in a while she felt alone.

Harry had started his duty early in order to leave early and though she hadn't seen much of Tom lately, she had seen Harry every day, and it felt strange to spend a day without at least one meal with him. Stepping into the mess hall at dinnertime, she tried to find a familiar face. Joe, Ayala and Samantha Wildman were sitting at a table, and seeing her, Joe waved. For a moment she was tempted to join them, before she remembered that Joe was starting his shift soon, and that the other two would probably be leaving too. She smiled at him in acknowledgement, and sat at a nearby table. She looked at them wistfully as they got ready to leave; Joe, Ayala and Sam were as close as Harry, Tom and she had been. They had found solace in each other because they all had married partners back home, so knew what the other was going through. Though she was sure that their friendship wouldn't be a trouble-free one, they would never have to worry about the problems that came with three close friends being single (or sort of, in Harry's case.) Even though she was probably being irrational, the insecure part of her feared that by dating the Delaney sisters Harry and Tom would feel that they didn't need B'Elanna anymore, and leave her like everyone else before them.

That notion was ridiculous really. Tom had said that he wasn't the serious relationship type, and she knew Harry was only going on the date on Tom's insistence. But what if they liked their company better? After all, this wasn't their first date with the girls. Maybe they were more fun than her, had a better sense of humour and didn't get as moody as she did. In fact, maybe right now they were on the holodeck running Tom's ship programme, letting him sing...and enjoying it.

She muttered curses into Neelix's mystery meal of the evening.

"Is this seat taken?"

She looked up to see familiar dark eyes shining down on her, and her stormy mood was instantly lifted.

"Do I know you?" she asked. "Because you look familiar, but it must be a long time since I've seen you because I can't recall who you are."

"I can see you've been hanging around too much with Paris," Chakotay said as he sat down.

She smirked at that. "Disapprove?"

"I think you're old enough to befriend whichever fool you choose."

"I'm glad you finally think so."

They smiled at each other.

"How have you been, B'Elanna?" he asked in that soft tone she didn't realise she'd missed until then.

She considered this. "I've been okay. How about you? I haven't had a chance to talk to you properly in weeks." Since coming back from the mines, she realised. Back in the Maquis, they'd be in each other's company every day and now she was going weeks without properly talking to him.

"I've been pretty busy. Being First Officer is pretty demanding. Maybe I decided to turn rogue instead of stay in Starfleet because I couldn't face the paperwork," he said with a grin.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. Are you happy here, Chakotay?"

For a moment Chakotay's eyes intensified with an emotion she couldn't identify.

"I am. The Maquis here are settling well, better than I could have hoped. And we're alive- that's the most important thing. Plus working alongside the captain is definitely...interesting."

B'Elanna grinned at this. Chakotay seemed to revel in the captain's company.

"Are you happy here, B'Elanna? I know it wasn't exactly easy for you at the start."

"I haven't broken anymore noses, if that's what you're asking. But I think I am." _Having good company definitely helps, _she thought.

"I'm glad."

"Do you ever think about what would have happened had we not been stranded here?"

"Sometimes. No doubt we would have ended up in jail. And no doubt you wouldn't rest until you found a way to get us out."

She laughed. "I did tell you that I was efficient."

Chakotay grinned. "Yes, you did."

"The Maquis cause seems like a distant memory. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we fought for them. I hope they're okay," she said softly.

Chakotay placed a hand over hers. "I'm sure they're fine, B'Elanna. The Maquis are resilient and I have no doubt that they'll still be there when we get back."

"I don't think going back and just picking off where we left off will be an option. We're practically criminals, remember? For all we know the captain may turn us over as soon as we get back."

"I've thought about all this too, and we're just going to have to cross that bridge when we get there. There's no point dwelling on it when we're thousands of light-years across the galaxy."

"I guess."

"You know, it could have easily been the crew of Voyager that had to transfer over to our ship, and they would have all had to wear our uniform and play by our rules."

"That's true." Feeling slightly mischievous she added, "The captain would have looked really good in Maquis leather," and watched as the First Officer's eyes widened.

Standing up to leave, she patted his hand. "Don't be stranger, okay?"

She left him with his eyes still wide, apparently transfixed at the mental image.

***

The next day she and Harry were working in a Jeffries tube, examining the engineering circuit bay.

Harry was being uncharacteristically silent.

"Are you okay, Starfleet?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Uh-huh. How did your date go last night?"

"Fine," he answered tonelessly.

"Oh really? So why do you sound like a targ just stole your chocolate cake?"

Harry sighed and put down his hyperspanner. "Tom keeps insisting I go on all these dates."

B'Elanna frowned. "I don't get what the problem is."

"The problem is that it's barely been a year since we've been here and people are expecting to me to forget that I have a girlfriend back home."

B'Elanna felt a bit guilty. Sometimes she forgot about Libby. "It's not that, Harry. You barely talk about her so sometimes it's easy to forget that you're with her. No one expects you to move on."

"Tom seems to think I should."

"Yeah well Tom also thinks spinach juice is a consumable beverage, so I wouldn't trust his judgement."

"I just...I keep thinking about her every day. Is she back home waiting for me? Or has she moved on already, thinking I'm dead? I was planning on proposing to her after a year of being in Starfleet, but that's not going to happen now, is it?"

"You never know, we could find a way home and soon."

"Realistically, we both know that's not going to happen."

She hated seeing Harry look so dejected. He was supposed to be the one with the unrelenting optimism and not the one who needed it.

She tried a different tactic. "What if your positions were reversed, and you were the one stuck back home and she was the one out here, what would you do?"

Harry considered this. "At first, I wouldn't give up hope that Voyager would be found, even if she were declared dead. I would do everything in my power to find out what happened to Voyager, and I wouldn't give up, not for a long while anyway."

"And what if Libby was on Voyager?"

"I wouldn't want her to give up hope that she'd get back. But I wouldn't want her to spend the next seventy years of her life clutching at straws when she could have been building a life for herself."

"I think she thinks the same for you," she told him gently.

"It would be a pretty lonely seventy years," he agreed.

"You don't have to jump straight back into the dating game. Whenever you're ready, then do it."

"Thanks Maquis. You don't give half bad advice."

"Surprising, isn't it?"

"So what about you?"

"What about me what?"

"You've been acting in a rather subdued manner the last few days. And you and Tom have barely said a word to each other- don't think I haven't noticed."

She shifted around uncomfortably, reluctant to talk but knowing that would be unfair since Harry had just poured his heart out to her.

"We're just going through an awkward moment, that's all."

"Something happened on your away mission, didn't it?" he asked, shrewdly.

She shrugged. "Kind of."

Harry didn't question what. "Well sort it out. The two of you skirting around each other is getting tiresome."

B'Elanna was just about to make a sarcastic comment when their combadges beeped.

"Paris to Torres and Kim."

They touched their badges. "Go ahead," they chorused.

Tom cut the formalities. "So, I've just been running my ship holoprogramme."

B'Elanna and Harry exchanged looks.

"And _someone _has altered my ship," he said, sounding extremely annoyed. "You wouldn't happen to know who did that, would you?"

"I have no idea," Harry answered, innocently.

"So if I ask the computer who the last person was to use this programme, they're not going to say you?"

"I don't know, Tom."

They heard Tom sighing.

"Computer: who was the last person to use this programme?"

"_The last person to use Bold Ego was Captain Buttercup." _

Harry and B'Elanna grinned at each other.

"Captain Buttercup? You programmed the computer to say _Captain Buttercup_?"

B'Elanna decided to say something. "It's a good name, Tom. It suits you."

"That's not funny B'Elanna," he replied tersely. "My ship has been turned _pink. _There's a not-so-very-flattering image of my face on one of the sails and my crew have been turned into _nuns._"

"I didn't realise you were so creative, Tom," she intoned sweetly.

"Yeah, did you want us to have a look?" Harry asked.

"No I bloody well don't. I want my ship back the way it was."

"I thought you were supposed to be a good programmer?" B'Elanna mused.

"Funny how the computer is making it impossible for me to make any changes."

Harry and B'Elanna laughed.

Tom growled. "When I get my hands on the two of you, I'm going to-,"

Harry cut him off.

"The funny thing about Tom is that he can dish out the pranks but he just can't take it."

"I'd say," she agreed.

She looked at him with a grin, glad that Harry was looking considerably brighter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Look After You- Chapter Ten**

A/N: This chapter is set during the episode The 37s. Thanks to Pepper for the beta as always.

***

The next day, B'Elanna was waiting impatiently for the turbolift.

When it came, the doors slid open to reveal Tom.

_Oh great, _she thought.

She went to join him in the lift, uncertain of what to say to him. This was the first time she'd seen him properly since their away mission, and she was still feeling uncomfortable.

Tom cast her a look, evidently eyeing her discomfort.

"I hope you're going to apologise," he said finally.

She looked at him in surprise. "For what?"

He gave her a mock glare. "For _what_? For vandalising my ship!"

She grinned, suddenly remembering yesterday's events, and just like that her uneasiness faded. The lift reached their stop, and they both walked off, heading to the briefing room.

She turned to face him. "That ship needed improving and if you ask me, Harry and I did a pretty good job."

"Somehow I don't think a pink ship is a good idea," he said, pretending to be annoyed.

"I think it goes well with the colour of your eyes," she said sweetly.

"Oh really? How nice of you to think so. And what about the picture? Did you think that was an accurate representation of what I look like?"

She considered this. "I'd say so, yes."

"Uh-huh. You picked a picture of me looking completely bewildered and gormless."

She looked at him in feigned confusion. "But I thought that's what you looked like all the time."

The glare he threw her was deadly, but not deadly enough. "With friends like you, who needs enemies?"

She patted his shoulder. "One day Tom, you'll understand that we did this because we care for you."

"Oh really? It looks like you cared so much that it's impossible for me to remove these 'additions.' It took me hours to find a way to remove those nuns, and I only managed to turn the ship a brighter shade of pink."

B'Elanna tried to suppress the urge to laugh. He wouldn't be able to restore the ship to its original form; she and Harry had made sure of that.

"Well lieutenant," he said as they reached their destination. "I hope you and your little ensign are watching your backs, because if there's one thing you can count on, it's that I will be enacting my revenge."

***

B'Elanna followed Harry's gaze to the "37s", eating their lunch at a near by table.

"So, do you think you'll stay on Voyager, or settle on this planet?" she asked him with curiosity.

Harry pushed his food around his plate. "I don't know," he admitted. "Part of me wants to stay here on Voyager, but I'm tempted not to."

B'Elanna's eyes widened. Of all people, she expected Harry to stick resolutely to a life as a Starfleet officer. "But you're Starfleet! You're the embodiment of what all their poncy rules and regulations stand for."

"I love being part of Starfleet. But day in day out, for God knows how long? I miss home, especially my family and Libby. But this planet is so like Earth, and we may never get home. This could be the next best thing. And whilst I wouldn't change my experience on Voyager for a thing, I can't help but feel that life on this planet could be great."

B'Elanna's eyes grew wistful. "It's definitely a curiosity," she agreed. "I wonder how advanced their civilisation is. It would definitely be interesting to see how much it parallels our own, or whether it's gone on a completely different tangent. And maybe they're looking for an engineer who can help them advance their technology."

"You'd hate it," came a voice from beside them. Tom appeared at their table, carrying his lunch-tray. "Mind if I sit?"

Harry nodded. Tom had only just started joining them for their meals again, although Harry never did understand Tom's sudden, awkward behaviour, and found it somewhat ironic that it took a revelation of a prank to get his ass back in gear. A prank that he had yet to get them back for, though Harry did not doubt that Tom was meticulously planning his revenge into the late hours of the night.

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

Tom dragged a chair over, and sat down. "Because I know so. Oh you'd love it on that planet…for all of about a week. Sure, the technology would be interesting enough for you to sink your teeth into. But after a while even that will become boring. You thrive on adventure. _Live _for it. You wouldn't want to be stuck on a planet where you'd become gloried for constructing some engineering masterpiece. You'd rather be stuck on Voyager, under-appreciated, over-taxed and working yourself to death, because you love the uncertainty of it all and the drive it gives you. Above all, you love knowing that you're the glue that keeps Voyager flying. Your heart belongs in the stars, battling the unpredictable, not on a planet where life could become even slightly boring." Tom said all of this in a matter-of-fact way, and Harry noted that B'Elanna's face had surprise written all over it. Evidently Tom was right, and Harry knew the surprise was because B'Elanna was certain she hadn't spoken about these feelings, and here Tom was pointing them out as if she was as easy to read as a flight manual.

Harry watched as B'Elanna's face transformed from surprise to confidence. "Well, I can guess what you'd want to do."

Tom looked at her with a flicker of amusement. "Is that so?"

"You want to stay on Voyager because you love the satisfaction that being our best pilot gives you. You also feel indebted to Janeway for giving you this opportunity in the first place."

Harry looked to see Tom shrugging. "Nothing revelatory there."

"_But,_" B'Elanna carried on. "Part of you is tempted to stay."

With great satisfaction, Harry watched Tom's face fall.

"You love being our star pilot, but I bet even you will tire of it after a while. You've loved doing this job the last year, and you'll love doing it next year and maybe the year after that. But you know you can't do this job forever. Your reflexes will start to slow after a while, and as time goes on, your navigation skills will start to fade. Your whole life has been dictated by Starfleet, and you need to know you're more than that; more than a pilot. You're tempted by this planet because you can start over completely from scratch. You can build a _real _boat or ship and experience _real_ sailing. You can try real wine and real food, and immerse yourself in a culture that stems from the period you love. You're curious too as to how much they've evolved or whether they still retain the authenticity of 20th century Earth. You see this planet as a place you've only dreamt of, and the temptation to stay is incredibly strong."

By the expression on Tom's face, B'Elanna was scarily accurate and seeing this, a big grin spread on B'Elanna's face.

"Not bad," Tom mused. "But you're wrong one on count: the most tempting thing would be the women and how much they differ to the ones back home."

B'Elanna's fist came crashing down on Tom's hand, which was flat against the table.

"Ow, B'Elanna! What was that for?"

"My hand slipped," she answered back sweetly.

"You really know how to hurt a man," Tom muttered.

"I see no man around here. Just a pig."

The two of them started bickering and Harry watched with amusement the transformation from uneasiness that someone knew them better than they were comfortable with, to familiar but pointless arguing.

Next time he was bringing popcorn.

***

The three of them watched from the viewport in Tom's quarters as Voyager took off from the planet and descended into space. None of them said anything; instead they watched the colourful planet getting smaller and smaller until it was nothing but a tiny point of light and distant dreams.

Harry let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding.

"How come you decided to stay, Starfleet?" B'Elanna asked after a while, her voice extremely quiet.

"Because somehow, being anywhere but on Voyager felt wrong," he replied, his voice just as quiet.

They turned away from the viewport and walked over to the couch. Wordlessly, Tom replicated a bottle red wine and poured them each a glass, and for a moment they all stared into their glasses, trying to console themselves with the fact that they'd made the right decision.


	11. Chapter 11

**Look After You-Chapter Eleven**

A/N: References to Initiations in this chapter.

***

The next day, Tom was the first to arrive for their senior meeting. With a grin on his face, he waited for the rest of the staff to attend. As predicted, B'Elanna and Harry arrived last, looking particularly flustered. Harry looked incredibly sheepish and B'Elanna looked like she might kill someone. Judging by the fact that she was glaring at him, he strongly suspected that that person was him. But then again, he was the reason why their hair was now a vibrant shade of blue.

B'Elanna and Harry took a seat either side of him, and as soon as she had sat down, B'Elanna's foot stomped on his, and hard.

He winced. "Someone got out of bed on the wrong side this morning," he mused.

"And once I'm through hurting you, _someone's _not going to be able to get out of bed ever again," she hissed.

He was just about to mutter something about innuendo when Harry uncharacteristically elbowed him in the side.

"I can't get this stuff out of my hair!" he exclaimed. "And I don't know how you did this Tom but you're going to-,"

"Alright," the captain interrupted, clapping her hands together. "Let's being."

She cast a gaze around the room, before stopping to look at Harry and B'Elanna. She looked at them in confusion, but didn't say anything. She wasn't the only one who had noticed the two either. Chakotay initially looked surprise, and was now giving Tom his patent glare, figuring that he was to blame. Neelix, on the other hand, looked fascinated by their new appearance. Tuvok acted like nothing was amiss.

"First of all, I would like to thank all of you for not deciding to leave Voyager. Though I'm sure some of you were tempted by it, you have no idea of my relief that none of you, or indeed the entire crew, decided to go. Seeing this planet has only ignited my desire to return home further. I know that it may not seem like we'll ever get home, but we _will _get there, to whatever end. I don't want any of you to give up." She cast a meaningful glance at Harry. Apparently even she knew of his diminishing faith. He had the grace to blush, and Tom noted that this was highlighted by his new hair colour.

The captain continued to talk further about their agenda, and then questioned the others on ship reports.

As the meeting drew to an end, she dismissed them, not before asking B'Elanna and Harry to stay behind.

With another grin, Tom stood up to leave.

"You can stay behind too, Mr Paris," Janeway added.

Tom sat back down.

As Neelix walked by, he stopped by Harry. "I love your hair you two! I think it looks fascinating. Is it part of some cultural ritual I don't know about? Maybe I should check my database…" and with that he wandered off.

The captain raised an eyebrow at Neelix's comments, and rested her chin in her hands. "Interesting new hairdos you have Torres and Kim," she began. "But I do hope you realise they're against Starfleet regulations." She said, with a slight quiver of her lips.

"We realise that captain," B'Elanna said. "And this wasn't our fault."

Tom could almost feel her eyes burning through his skull.

The captain turned her eyes on him. "As always, it has to be you Tom."

He gave her his most dashing smile.

"Can you tell me why you did this, lieutenant?"

Somehow, he didn't think she'd accept the 'they started it' argument.

"I thought they could do with a change," he answered.

Harry gave him a look.

"Well in future Tom, try to do something a little more discreet. I'm going to have to start taking away your rations if you continue with these pranks. They're starting to give me a headache. And B'Elanna and Harry? I want you to find a way to get your hair back to normal."

"We've tried, Captain," Harry said. "Nothing's worked."

"I'm sure Tom can find a way."

She gave them all a 'what- will- you- kids- do -next' smile and dismissed them.

The three of them walked out of the room and started walking to the turbolift.

"Are you going to tell us how to get this stuff out of our hair?" B'Elanna demanded.

Tom thought about it. "No."

"If you don't tell us, I'll beat the answer out of you."

He wasn't fazed. "But your hair brings out the colour of your eyes."

B'Elanna glared at him, realising that he was throwing her words back at him.

_Whatever comes around…_Tom thought.

"Seriously Tom, we can't go around like this forever," Harry interjected.

Seeing Harry's obvious discomfort, he relented. "Relax," he told them. "The colour will fade."

"Oh yeah? And how long will that take?" B'Elanna asked.

Tom shrugged. "About two weeks."

"Two weeks!" Harry cried, and Tom could tell Harry was trying to calculate the negative points he'd get for not abiding by Starfleet uniform regulations.

"I'm sure it'll be okay this once not to look exemplary."

"Says the person who gets up extra early to make sure he looks like he just stepped out of a Starfleet recruitment brochure," B'Elanna said scathingly.

"Hey! I'll let you know that I get up early so that I look good. And I look good in this uniform," Tom remarked.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes.

"Consider this karmic intervention. Oh, and I wouldn't try and dye your hair or anything. It just makes it worse."

B'Elanna spun round and stopped in front of him.

"You're dead," she told him, jabbing him hard in the chest.

All he could do was smile at her.

***

Almost two weeks later, Tom found himself in Sandrine's with B'Elanna. He watched as she typed furiously away at her data padd, not for one moment stopping to take a break. He grinned when she moved her head and a strand of her blue hair fell in her face. The colour had settled into cobalt blue and still made her stand out somewhat. He liked how it made her appear almost elfin and most definitely cute, something he knew she'd hate. He also knew that the blue hair made her less intimidating, which she wasn't happy about as her staff couldn't seem to take her threats seriously. Even though he loved her natural brown hair, he'd miss this new shade when it would fade in a couple of days.

As if she could feel him staring at her, B'Elanna looked up. "What?" she asked.

He grinned again. "Nothing. Just admiring your hair."

She rolled her eyes. "I swear if you make one more hair joke I'll poke your eyes out."

"With what?"

"My fingers."

He winced. "That would really hurt."

"I'm counting on it." She put her padd down. "Where's Harry? I thought he was joining us."

"Oh he was going to. But then Ayala found out that Harry plays the clarinet, and wanted him to join his band."

B'Elanna gave him an incredulous look. "His band?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah, Ayala plays the saxophone, and he's creating a band."

"Don't you mean orchestra?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he's forming a band."

B'Elanna sat back in her seat. "I didn't know Ayala played the saxophone, and I've known him quite a while."

"Obviously you were focused on his other attributes."

She adopted a dreamy expression on her face, which Tom noticed she seemed to do whenever the topic of men she found attractive came up.

"Yeah, I'd say," she said with a grin.

It was his turn to roll his eyes.

"Anyway, he and Harry are auditioning other crewmates for their band."

B'Elanna snorted. "Are Joe and Sam trying out?"

"I don't know. I hear Joe plays the triangle."

"A triangle?"

"Yeah, you know, a _triangle._" He made a triangle shape with his fingers. "You hit the triangle with a metal rod and it makes music."

"I don't know it. How about Sam?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe she can sing. Hey, maybe I can try out for singer."

B'Elanna burst out laughing.

"I was being serious, B'Elanna."

"Oh. Sorry."

He glared at her.

"So anyway," she started, changing subjects. "What was it like acting as captain today?"

He momentarily thought back to his brief stint as captain, a role he had taken on when Chakotay had been captured by the Kazon and both the Captain and Tuvok had gone to rescue him.

"It was a strange role," he decided. "I didn't feel like I had the right to be giving orders at all. But it was definitely interesting."

"Thinking of becoming a captain of your own ship one day?" B'Elanna asked with a grin.

He gave a bitter laugh. "God no. I bet my father would love that. He always expected me to be a carbon copy of himself. He never wanted me to do what I wanted."

"Look at you now," she said softly. "You've really made a name for yourself."

"Though not always in a good way," he said glancing at her hair again.

She saw where he was looking and she tugged at her hair. "You know, I'm actually starting to get used to this colour. Maybe I should keep it."

"Careful. I hear the more interesting-looking races aboard this ship are starting to become enamoured by your new look. Chell especially loves it."

B'Elanna burst out laughing again, and he watched as her eyes crinkled and her face radiated joy, something he wasn't privy to see often. He loved it when she laughed like this; loved the way she did it so freely, without holding any of herself back. B'Elanna wasn't extremely beautiful or attractive as the likes of the Delaney sisters or Susan Nicoletti, but she did have her own unique look about her, and when she laughed in such an uninhibited way, his heart clenched at the sight. And this troubled him.

"Maybe you should ask him on a date," he teased.

B'Elanna snorted. "Think of the children."

He grinned at the image.


	12. Chapter 12

**Look After You- Chapter Twelve**

A/N: References to Elogium and Jeri Taylor's Pathways. Many thanks to Pepper for the beta!

***

Tom was on the way to the mess hall when he spotted Kes struggling with two buckets full of some kind of vegetable.

"Need a hand?" he asked, coming to stand beside her.

"Tom!" she greeted enthusiastically. "Oh, of course."

He took one of the buckets off her.

"So how are you, Kes?" he asked her, as they headed towards the turbolift.

She flashed him one of her standard smiles, one that she never had a problem giving him. In fact, he loved that Kes was one of the only people aboard Voyager who treated him without prejudice, and had done from the moment she'd met him. Someone like Kes had no idea what it meant to be hostile, and for that he was glad.

"I'm very well, thank you. My plants are doing extremely well. You have to come by and see them one day."

"I will," he said sincerely, pleased for her that they were doing so well.

"And what about you, Tom? Are you well?"

He grinned at her. "As always."

They reached the lift, where they found a very bemused Chakotay, muttering something about fraternization. Kes' eyes grew wide as Chakotay explained what he had seen, and Tom grinned when he saw that the look on her face resembled the look his mother used to give him when she would find that he'd yet again reprogrammed another one of her romantic holo-novels.

When they stepped out of the lift, he laughed when he saw that her expression had not changed.

"Kes, it wasn't that bad. It was just a kiss," he teased, feeling like an older brother making his little sister squirm.

"But it's not allowed. People can be so disrespectful."

He laughed again. He really did love Kes' innocent nature.

"Hey, have you had a chance to try that holo-novel yet?"

"Yes, and I loved it. What's the name of those types of stories?"

"A fairytale."

"It was very interesting. I liked going from the slave girl to the beautiful princess at the ball, who falls in love with the prince."

"Notice any similarities with your life?" he asked with a grin, motioning to her 'prince' working in his kitchen, ahead of them.

Kes laughed. "My life isn't that glamorous."

Tom laughed, and put the bucket of cabbage down on the counter. "I'll see you later, okay?" he said, grabbing a bowl of Neelix's gloop in the process.

"Okay, Tom. Thank you for your help."

He gave her a smile, before heading towards B'Elanna and Harry, who were both giving him looks of disgust.

"That's just wrong," B'Elanna said to him.

"Hello to you, too, B'Elanna. What's wrong?"

"You and Kes," Harry answered. "You do realize she's taken."

"Not to mention she's only one," came B'Elanna, wrinkling her nose. B'Elanna really had a thing about Kes' age. In fact, he knew the Ocampan species just didn't make sense to her.

"Actually she's two in a few weeks. What are you guys on about?"

"It's still weird," B'Elanna went on, ignoring his question. "You do know that when you're on your deathbed, and your grandkids ask how young the youngest girl was that you got with, the answer will be two-years-old? And you'll probably croak and die before you have a chance to explain that she was part of an advanced-aging race."

Tom gave them both an incredulous look. "Wait a minute: you guys think I'm after Kes?"

"Well, you have been spending a lot of time with her," Harry pointed out. "And every time you see her, you have this big grin on your face."

"I can't believe you both think that. She's my _friend. _Scratch that, she's like my little sister. I don't feel that way about her at all. She's not even my type."

"Yeah, she's too clever," B'Elanna remarked.

Tom glared at her. "And anyway, _grandkids?_ I don't plan on even having kids. Ever. Ugh, now I'm not going to get that deathbed scene out of my head. Thanks, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna smirked. "No problem."

Tom looked down at his lunch and stirred the foul-looking concoction, daring himself to taste it, and then immediately spat it out. "Oh God, that's disgusting! What is this stuff?"

B'Elanna shrugged. "Don't know. I opted for the safer option," she said, motioning towards her replicated sandwich.

"I think I'm going to do the same," he said, standing up and heading towards the replicator.

He was pleasantly surprised to find Sue Nicoletti at the replicator, and waiting behind her gave him a few moments to admire her tall, blonde, and what many considered attractive, form. He knew attractive when he saw it; and Sue Nicoletti was definitely it.

Turning around and seeing him, she smiled widely. "Hi, Tom."

Tom's eyes widened in surprise. Sue never gave him the time of day, let alone addressed him by his first name.

"Hi, Susan," he greeted back. She smiled at him again, and walked off, leaving him staring at her dumbly.

Focusing his attention back on the replicator, he ordered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and was confused when red jell-o transpired instead. He walked back to the table with a bemused expression on his face.

"You okay there, Tommy?" Harry asked.

"No. I ordered a sandwich," he replied glumly. "There must be something wrong with the replicator," he said, meaningfully looking at B'Elanna.

"It worked fine with me."

"Well, maybe it stopped working. You should check it out." He sighed at his jell-o. "Jell-o for lunch. Great."

He missed the look that B'Elanna and Harry exchanged.

***

"It's been a weird day," Tom mused as he wandered over to the replicator in his room. "Some weird entities trying to mate with the ship, and Kes going through premature elogium. What next, an alien trying to propose to the warp core?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," Harry said, relaxing on Tom's couch.

"Is B'Elanna not joining us?"

"Last time I checked, she was nursing her baby back to health."

"Please don't tell me she refers to Voyager as her baby. That would be incredibly sad."

"She doesn't. Not in public anyway."

Tom grinned. "One coffee," he told the replicator. He swore when the replicator gave him toffees instead. "Something is still wrong with the replicator. It's given me toffee."

Harry's head shot up. "Really? Give me some. I love toffee."

Tom shot a toffee at Harry, and hit him in the head.

***

The next day, Tom was yet again at the replicator.

"I would like a bowl of…creamy tomato soup."

It gave him a can of whipped cream.

Walking slowly over to B'Elanna and Harry, he fixed them both with a look.

"You've reprogrammed the replicator for me, haven't you?"

Trying not to smile, B'Elanna nodded slowly.

He shook his head at her, and looked at the can in his head. A thought involving spray cream and their faces popped in his mind, and he was tempted to re-enact this image.

***

A couple of days later, B'Elanna entered the mess hall for dinner. Harry was working a different shift to her and Tom would be joining her later, and she scanned around the room for somewhere to sit.

She immediately spotted a very lonely looking Sam.

B'Elanna hesitated. She'd recently learnt of Sam's news, and imagined that Sam was feeling particularly vulnerable right now; however, she didn't consider herself to be the type of person who could cheer her up. Yet she felt slightly guilty about leaving her alone. B'Elanna was after all a senior staff member, who was supposed to look out for the crew even if they didn't belong to her division. Although not close friends, she considered her a friend, due in part to their mutual friendship with Joe Carey, and Sam really was a lovely person and just one of the few women she could tolerate. She sighed. If only Tom were here, he'd know what to say.

Dithering for a few moments on the spot, she finally decided to join her.

"Hi, Sam," she greeted.

Sam looked up. "Lieutenant," she said in surprise.

B'Elanna smiled, despite herself. "We're off duty. You can call me B'Elanna."

Sam smiled back. "Right. B'Elanna."

"So, do you mind if I sit?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

B'Elanna sat down.

"No company today?"

"No. Joe and Ayala are both working, and I don't really know anyone else."

"I see." B'Elanna knew about Joe working, and figured about Ayala, but she couldn't really think of anything to say. Wringing her hands together, she tried to figure out how to say what she wanted. "I, er, heard about your news. Congratulations."

Sam smiled weakly. "Wow, news travels fast."

"Actually, the Captain told us in a meeting, so that we had enough time to adjust the ship to it."

"Oh."

Silence fell.

"It must be scary for you," B'Elanna said finally. "Being pregnant, so far from home, and without your husband."

Sam's face crumpled. "It is," she said softly. "I'm terrified."

B'Elanna hesitated for a while, before placing her hand over Sam's.

"You have a whole ship of people who would rally out and help you if you need it," she said.

"I know. Except I don't know most people that well, and it would feel weird asking them for help. And really, it doesn't matter how much support I have here, all I want is my husband."

B'Elanna could only imagine how that felt. "Tell me about him."

Sam's eyes glazed over. "He's Ktarian. I met him when I was in the Academy. I liked him the moment I first saw him, but I could never imagine that he'd like me back, or even know who I was. But he did. And after a while, he asked me to study with him, using it as an excuse to spend time with me. Things went from there. We got married three years ago, and had been trying for a baby for a while. We'd given up hope, and then I got posted here, and as fate would have it…" Sam's voice trailed off.

"You shouldn't have to go through this alone," she said gently. "Nobody should."

"If there's one thing I've learnt, is that I'm not alone. Joe and Ayala are always checking up one me. God knows, they have experience with pregnant women. And Neelix is so supportive. And the Doctor, well, he's so ecstatic that you'd think the baby is his. For that I'm glad, but sometimes, it doesn't make it any easier."

"Maybe…maybe, it's a sign. A good sign. Maybe… this baby happened now to help you get through our time here."

Sam cast her gaze onto her barely-touched food. "I hope so."

"I know that I'm not that good at giving advice, but if you ever need someone, you know, a female someone, I guess I'm here. Or maybe Kes, she's good at this kind of thing."

Sam smiled. "Thanks, B'Elanna."

"That's okay."

"I guess I better be going. The tiredness is going to kick in any moment now."

B'Elanna grinned. "Okay. Good night, Sam."

"Good night, B'Elanna."

Watching Sam leave, B'Elanna let out a sigh. _That has to be the first time I__'__ve tried to console another woman, _she thought. _And that wasn__'__t so bad. I__'__m getting quite good at this advice thing. Maybe I should quit being an engineer and become a counsellor…_

"It won't work," came a voice.

She looked up at Tom. Had he been reading her mind?

"Relax, I'm not a telepath. You had that thinking of an idea look on your face, and I thought I'd try and spook you by pretending to know what you're thinking."

"How clever of you," she said dryly.

"So what are you thinking about?" he asked, sitting down in Sam's place.

"I just talked to Sam. I think she's feeling kind of vulnerable at the moment."

"Not surprised. She's not exactly in the best situation right now. Other side of the galaxy, pregnant and without her husband. With the constant danger we're in, it's not exactly the best child-rearing environment."

"Can you imagine having a child on-board here?"

"I can't imagine having children ever."

"Me neither. But it'll be interesting having a child around the place. Did you know that Sam's husband is Ktarian?"

Tom shook his head.

"Their child will be human-Ktarian. It'll be of mixed species, like me."

"I'm sure he or she will be amazing for it."

"I just hope it doesn't grow up with the same social stigma as I did."

"Scarves wrapped around your forehead? I remember. You hated that the kids used to laugh at you."

B'Elanna looked at him, surprised that he remembered such a thing.

"What, did you think I'd forget what you told me?"

B'Elanna shrugged. "I guess. Even though you seem to have a knack for remembering things I tell you."

Tom grinned. "I'm not as stupid as I look."

B'Elanna laughed. "Don't be so sure."

"Thanks! Anyway, I don't think that this child will grow up like that. He or she will grow up amongst adults, for starters. And everyone knows kids can be the meanest judges. Plus, times have changed a lot since you were younger."

"You make me sound so old."

"You've just turned twenty-three. That's definitely old."

"Then you must be positively ancient."

"I take that as a compliment. But, back to what I was saying, there are many mixed-species around now, and many of them have been able to adjust to being part of two completely different races. And their peers have learnt to accept them."

B'Elanna rested her chin on her hands. "I wish I'd been one of those kids who knew how to deal with it better."

"How were you supposed to know how? You had other problems to deal with."

"I guess."

"Anyway, I bet you were an adorable looking human-Klingon child."

"My father used to think so. But then he left, so his opinion became invalid and my insecurities manifested themselves," she said with a deep sigh.

"You never did tell me why he left."

"That's because when you asked I barely knew you. And you were being nosey. Really nosey."

"I prefer the word inquisitive."

B'Elanna smiled.

"So are you going to tell me?" he asked.

B'Elanna shrugged. Even after all these years later, the subject of her father was still a painful one.

"Honestly, Tom, I have no idea why he left. I used to think it was because of me."

"Why?"

She shrugged again. "I was a child. He left. I thought it was because I did something wrong. Or that I was that something wrong. I had come up with so many theories that I jaded myself. Much later, when I enrolled into Starfleet, he tried to contact me."

Tom's eyes widened. "He did?"

"He tried to explain everything to me. But I didn't want to hear it. So I never answered him."

"But one day you changed your mind?" he questioned.

Grimly, she nodded. "When I was drowning, I was so sure that I was going to die, and I realized that I would die not knowing what he had to say. And that seemed pretty wasteful."

Something dawned on him. "You wanted to send a subspace message afterwards. Was that to him?"

She nodded. "A few days after, I tried to send one to him. And my mother, too. But I think they got lost because of the temperament we were in. I never got an indication from either that they'd received it. And I never got the chance to try again."

"That's a shame."

"Yeah. It is."

"If we get home, do you think you'd try again?"

She shrugged again. "I'm not sure," she replied honestly. "Part of me is scared of what he has to say."

"If you don't try, you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it."

"I know," she said quietly.

Tom wrapped his hands around hers. "I know you had a tough childhood, B'Elanna. But I'm sure you were an amazing child, and that your father loved you very much. The fact he tried to contact you, suggests he still thinks about you. And I bet he thinks about you everyday."

"I hope so," she said softly. "Because I think about him everyday. And my mother, and the bridges we never got to mend."

"We'll get home," he assured her.

"I just hope it's not too late when we do," she whispered.

***

A/N: Just a few notes about B'Elanna and her father:

Most of what is said follows on from what happened in "Pathways." B'Elanna's father does try and contact her, and she ignores him. Later, she tries to send him a message. Jeri Taylor wrote this book around season four, and afterwards the canon diverged somewhat from this book. Therefore, B'Elanna's actions in season seven's episode "Lineage" would probably differ somewhat, knowing that her father had tried to make amends and make her understand what happened. But that doesn't mean she wouldn't feel insecure about the issue, and I think not knowing what he had to say would still tear her up, but probably not as much as not hearing from him at all.

Also, another thing to add is that in the book, it is stated that B'Elanna sends her father and mother messages a few days after her accident, but then her ship is pulled into the Delta Quadrant two days later. However, Tom is captured the day after their accident and spends seven months in prison, before joining Voyager so there is a discrepancy there. I will stick to them being pulled into the DQ seven months after their accident.


	13. Chapter 13

**Look After You- Chapter Thirteen**

A/N: References and direct quotes from the episodes Non Sequitur and Twisted, the rights of which Paramount hold. Thanks again to Pepper for the beta, and comments will be appreciated.

***

About a month later, the trio found themselves enjoying a drink in Sandrine's. It had been a while since all of them had gathered together after duty, with one or more of them either busy or pulling a different shift.

Harry was giving Tom a strange look, as if he was seeing him for the first time.

Tom put down his beer. "What is it, Harry? You've been looking at me strange ever since you got back from your mission."

B'Elanna grinned. It was true. She watched as Harry gave a sheepish smile, and listened intently as he told them of his experience in an alternate timeline. He focused again on Tom when he told him about meeting him in the bar, and how he had been disappointed in Tom's behaviour; then how Tom had surprised him by coming to his aid when Harry was fleeing Starfleet.

"I never imagined what life was like for you before Voyager. I never considered what you were like. I've never seen you as anything more than honourable, so it was weird seeing you as anything but that. But then you went ahead and proved that you were anyway."

Tom didn't say anything for a while. "I think back to those days, and I hate the person that I was. I've often wondered if I would have been more than a scoundrel if it weren't for Voyager, and I always thought that I would have always been a misfit. I guess I needed someone to believe in me." At the risk of sounding too sappy, Tom punched Harry in the arm. "Thanks, buddy."

Harry winced. "No problem."

B'Elanna looked at them both warmly. It was good that Harry was also shedding light on Tom's past, too. She'd met him back then, and aside from saving her, he had pretty much fit the picture Harry had painted of him. Her low expectations of him had been affirmed when he had left the Maquis not too long after he had joined, an act which for a long time she thought was of betrayal. But he had been trying to save their ship, and had got caught in the process, which spoke volumes of him.

"What were you like in the Academy?" B'Elanna asked with curiosity. He had told her when he had first met her that they were at the Academy at the same time. He'd made some remark about him knowing of the only half-Klingon there, and his categorization of her had angered her. That, and she'd not been aware of him at all during her brief time there.

Tom shrugged. "Oh, you know. The usual. Charming. Studious. Gifted. A straight A+ student. Wonderful in everyway."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? Were you also egotistical?"

"Me? Never!"

"Since when were you ever studious, anyway?" Harry asked.

"What happened to your unrelenting faith in me?" Tom inquired.

"No offence, Tom but I can't imagine you as the academic sort. I bet you were one of those annoying types who never had to study to get a good grade; you just did, naturally. Grr, I hated those types! I used to have to slave away to get a decent grade, and some schmucks would just roll on into a test and roll out again, ace it, without even reading a book," B'Elanna ranted.

"Ah, yes, I loved being one of those schmucks. We didn't need a book, B'Elanna. All we needed was right here," Tom said, tapping his temple.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. You occupied your study time, by 'studying' the female students."

And just like that Tom's expression turned sour. "I wasn't a dog back then, B'Elanna." He stood up. "I've got to go. I'll see you guys later." With that, he walked off, and almost ran over Susan Nicoletti in the process.

"What was that all about?" B'Elanna asked, as she saw Tom catch Susan, and apologize.

"I don't know. He's never said it, but I think he was involved with someone then, and that something bad happened to her."

She watched as Tom kept his hands on Susan, and by the look of it, was beginning to sweet-talk her.

"Do you think the girl may have been involved in the crash?"

Harry shrugged, as Tom walked out with Susan. "Could have been."

"Wow," she said softly.

Tom's life was a lot of things, and complex was definitely one of them.

***

A couple of weeks passed without incident. Tom didn't bring up the episode of his outburst, and Harry and B'Elanna didn't mention it, nor did they do anything that might provoke him, including play pranks on him. Not that they had seen much of him anyway; from what B'Elanna heard, Tom was busy chasing after a very keen Susan.

B'Elanna and Tom found themselves in the holo-deck, waiting in the dark for Kes to turn up for her surprise birthday party.

"What did you get her?" B'Elanna whispered to Tom, who was crouching down beside her.

"I got her a book on fairytales."

"A book?"

"Yeah, she likes that kind of thing. What did you get her?"

"Harry and I got her something together, since I'm not exactly good with this kind of thing. We got her a box."

"A box?"

"You know, one of those pretty boxes, which you put personal things in. Harry's idea not mine."

She could practically see Tom grinning in the dark. "I'm sure she'll like it," he assured her.

At that moment Kes came in, and after a minute of her wandering around in confusion, they all jumped up and shouted, "Surprise!" Almost giving the poor girl a heart attack.

They showered a very surprised Kes with presents and her cake, and B'Elanna smiled at how overwhelmed she looked. Sometimes she wished that she was that awed by life as Kes was.

The moment was interrupted by a weird, ringing sound that threatened to blast out their eardrums. From then on, B'Elanna knew that Kes wasn't going to be entitled to have a normal birthday party.

One spatial distortion, one massive headache and one long trip of wandering aimlessly around Voyager later, B'Elanna found herself in the turbo-lift with Tom, trying to get to Engineering.

"Are you okay, B'Elanna?" Tom asked, as B'Elanna furiously rubbed her fingers against her temple.

"Not really. I get one day off to relax at a party, and what happens? This!"

"Tell me about it. I really wanted to try Neelix's cake."

"Really?"

"Well, it looked good, didn't it?" he said, tapping away at the control panel. "And I figured as a rule, if Neelix's food looks bad, it usually is. So the reverse has to be true."

"As ever, your logic is irrefutable." B'Elanna leaned towards Tom, and in the confined space, she was practically leaning against him. "Are you sure this is how you got there before?"

Tom twisted to look at her. "Relax will you?" he said, and B'Elanna tried to ignore the tingling feel of his breath against her skin. "So far we're right on schedule. The next stop should be… Voila! Engineering."

"One gold star to you, lieutenant," she said with a grin, as she darted off, giving out orders.

Her biggest surprise came when she was headed off to reset the pattern buffer controls, and instead of heading out of Engineering, found herself gazing into the quarters of Ensign Nozawa.

B'Elanna's jaw dropped at the sight of the well-built man dressed only in his boxers.

"There's…an…emergency si-situation aboard ship," she stuttered. "Just stay right where you are. That's an order."

He gave her a nod, not seeming too surprised to see his superior at his quarters.

B'Elanna closed the door and leaned against the wall, wincing in the process.

Tom chose that exact moment to come up to her side.

"I think you handled that very well, _lieutenant,_" he said with a pat of her shoulder.

She resisted the urge to punch him in the stomach.

***

"Yet another weird day on Voyager," Harry surmised, as the three of them sat at a table in Sandrine's, enjoying the resumption of Kes' festivities.

"I'd say so," Tom said, as he dug into his piece of cake. "Wouldn't you say so, B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna glared at him. "It's been a long day, and I'll be glad when it's over," she said.

"B'Elanna got the pleasure of seeing Ensign Nozawa nearly naked," Tom added.

B'Elanna upped her glare to a death-glare. "Do you know what discretion means, Tom?" she demanded.

Tom shook his head. "I don't think so."

Harry laughed. "It must have been quite a sight."

B'Elanna shrugged. "Let's just say that Starfleet uniform conceals a lot."

"As opposed to the Maquis uniform, which is very figure hugging," Tom quipped, his elbow playfully nudging B'Elanna in the side. "So, are you going to be pining after him now?"

B'Elanna elbowed him. "I don't think so, Tom. Unlike you, I don't see an attractive body, and find my pheromones spiralling out of control."

"How _is _your pursuit of Susan going, anyway?" Harry inquired.

Tom grinned. "Oh, it's going well. She hasn't actually agreed to go on a date yet, but she hasn't made any excuses to leave me when I start talking to her."

"Maybe she has an ear infection and can't hear you very well. I'll tell her to go and see the Doctor," B'Elanna said.

Tom gave her a look. "Oh, you're hilarious, B'Elanna," he said as he took another bite out of his cake. "You're just jealous."

She gave him a mock look of surprise. "How ever did you guess? I've always wanted a man to sweet talk me like he's reading lines straight out of a flirting-manual."

Tom frowned. "I don't do that."

"Oh really?" Harry asked.

"No_. _I use my natural born charm."

B'Elanna snorted.

Tom fixed her with another look. "What would you rather have me do, B'Elanna? Buy her flowers? Write her love notes? Compose poetry?"

B'Elanna shuddered. "Not unless you want her to die of a sugar overload. If a man composed poems for me, I'd shove him out an airlock."

"You don't like poems, B'Elanna?" Tom asked sweetly.

"Not love poetry. Unless I feel the need to throw up."

"I thought Klingons were big on poetry as part of their courtship rituals," Harry said.

"Ah yes, the age-old ritual where the women instigate violence, and the men counteract it with sappy poems."

"Not quite your thing?" Harry grinned.

"It doesn't exactly make my heart quicken."

"So mighty warriors who expose their tender side to the women they love by reading poetry, doesn't make you weak at the knees?" Tom inquired. "I'll add that to the long list of things you despise."

B'Elanna took a bite out of her cake, and found it not to be too bad. "I like my men like I like my Alvanian brandy. Strong. None of that wimpish, sappy stuff."

Tom raised his eyebrows and Harry beamed.

"We'll add to that short list of stuff you do like," Harry said, a twinkle in his eye.


	14. Chapter 14

**Look After You- Chapter Fourteen**

Not completely happy with this chapter, but it's the best I could come up with. Thanks to Pepper for the beta. References and quotes from Partuition.

***

"How am I doing?" Kes asked, worry etched in her voice.

Tom watched her from the passenger seat. "Well, we're still in one piece, so I'd say you're doing okay."

Kes let out a groan. "Aside from that inertial dampener incident."

Tom waved a hand. "That was minutes ago."

Kes flayed her arms over the con, clearly still nervous about flying the shuttle, even if it was simulated.

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this, Tom Paris."

Tom grinned at her calling him by his full name.

"I thought you might want to learn something that wasn't medicine-related for a change."

"I don't think I was cut out for this." Kes let out a long breath, and reclined back in her seat.

"Kes, I know there's a pilot in you somewhere, just dying to get out."

Kes laughed. "Somehow, Tom, I doubt it. Oh, I keep meaning to tell you. I read the book you gave me."

"Already? Did you like it?"

He watched as Kes beamed. "Oh, it was wonderful. I did seem to notice a theme, however. The beautiful girl is always a poor girl or a princess, and she is always waiting for her Prince Charming to rescue her."

Tom grinned. "Kind of an antiquated notion, isn't it?"

"Yet the stories are still compelling. I guess that's why they are still popular today."

"Well, if you're looking for something slightly different, I have a holo-novel about a beautiful girl who cares nothing about beauty herself, and has an insatiable need to read and learn. Due to a situation that I will not disclose, she finds herself in a castle of a horrible beast, and learns the true meaning of beauty."

"I don't think that story is in my book."

"No, it isn't."

"It sounds interesting. I'd love to try it."

"Of course."

Kes frowned. "This notion of a Prince Charming. Is it something that people still believe in today?"

Tom thought about B'Elanna, and how much she'd probably hate the idea of some prince riding on his horse and trying to rescue her.

"Probably not in the way they are portrayed in the stories. I think women would like them to be a little more dimensional and real. I know my sisters used to dream of theirs when we were younger."

"So what constitutes as a Prince Charming these days?"

Tom considered this. "My sisters would never settle for a man that didn't treat them with respect or honour. They wanted someone who understood them, and I think deep down they needed someone who could rescue them if they needed it, even if it was something as little as to rescue them from a bad day, although they never admitted that."

"Did your sisters tell you that?"

"Well, not exactly. But when you're an inquisitive little brother, you know these things."

"How? Is it intuition?"

"I guess. That, and the fact I read their diaries."

"Tom!"

"It's a rite of passage for every brother to read their sister's diary." He frowned. "Although it took me ages to hack into their PADDs."

Kes was shaking her head at him.

"If it's any consolation, I read some pretty traumatic things that no brother ever needs to know about a sister, so I won't be doing that again."

Kes laughed. "So are you Prince Charming material?"

It was Tom's turn to laugh. "I doubt it. More like the Arch Enemy that needs defeating."

"But you seem to suit all those requirements."

"It's not as simple as that."

"Well," Kes began in a decided manner. "I don't think you're a contender for the bad guy either."

Tom grinned. "Thanks, Kes."

"That's okay. I just don't want you to think you're not prince material. And I'm sure there are plenty of girls who think so, too."

Tom thought briefly of Susan, and the way she was slowly succumbing to his advances. "I doubt it."

"Well, what about B'Elanna?"

"_B__'__Elanna_? You mean B'Elanna Torres? She most definitely does not believe in Prince Charming."

"Why not?"

"She's far too cynical, for starters."

"But the two of you, aren't you-,"

"Just friends," he finished for her.

"Oh." For a moment Kes looked confused. "I thought maybe…I sensed that…oh, it doesn't matter."

The holo-deck started beeping, signalling the end of their lesson.

"Come on, Kes, I better get you back to your own Prince Charming, before he slays me for keeping you for too long."

***

"Must you play something so depressing?"

Harry cast a withering glance at Tom, who was sprawled out on his couch.

"My room: my rules," he said flatly. "Rule number one: whatever I want goes. And I want to play this tune."

He resumed playing his clarinet.

"Rehearsing for your band?" Tom inquired.

Harry paused. "Yep."

"How is the band?"

"Fine."

"Exactly who has made the band?"

Harry rolled his eyes, and put down his instrument. "I didn't realize we were playing twenty questions, Tom."

"I'm sorry. I'm just…depressed."

"Depressed?" Harry sighed, and came over and sat next to Tom. "Okay, what is it, Paris? I, your reluctant psychiatrist, will yet again listen to your problems."

"Thank you, Harry. Your concern is touching. No, really, it is."

Harry just looked at Tom.

"Okay, fine. Harry, I'm in trouble."

"What's new?"

"Okay, I'm conflicted."

"What's new?"

"See, I was talking to Kes today."

"Please don't tell me you're in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her. Let me finish talking! What kind of psychiatrist are you, if all you do is interrupt what I say?"

"Well, it's not like I'm charging."

"_Anyway_, she said something that got me thinking."

"Is that the problem? She got you to think?"

Tom glared at him. "Harry!"

"I'm sorry."

"We were talking about Prince Charming, from fairytales. And she seemed to have this belief that I could be someone's…prince."

Harry sniggered. "Well, you sure are charming."

"That wasn't the problem."

"What was, then?"

"She almost implied that something was going on between B'Elanna and me."

Harry almost dropped his clarinet. "Well that's…unexpected."

"Tell me about it. But the thing is, Kes is really perceptive. She picks up on a lot of things that no one else may notice. So what does she see when she looks at B'Elanna and me?"

Harry considered this. He'd be lying if he said that he hadn't noticed a connection between the two of them. With their past history, the Vidiian incident and their growing friendship, B'Elanna and Tom seemed extremely in tune with each other. Such in a way that neither of them had realized it. "I have no idea," he lied. "What do you see, Tom?"

Tom shrugged. "I don't know. I mean yeah, B'Elanna is attractive. But she's…B'Elanna. She's my friend."

"That's it?"

Tom shrugged again. "She understands things about me that I didn't think anyone did. But then so do you, even if they're different things. And maybe… I like her laugh. Oh, and I almost kissed her when we were stuck on that planet."

Harry's eyes widened. "You almost kissed her?"

"I didn't mean to. It just…happened."

"That was why you were avoiding B'Elanna after that."

Tom shrugged.

"So what does this mean, then?" Harry asked.

"Nothing. It means nothing."

"So you've thought certain things about her, and it means nothing?"

"Yeah. B'Elanna doesn't need someone like me, Harry. I'm only going to hurt her."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's something I'm extremely good at doing."

Harry didn't say anything to this.

"B'Elanna is just my friend," Tom reiterated.

Harry looked at him "Who are you trying to convince, Tom? Me or you?"

"You. I can't bring myself to feel anything more for her. Or anyone for that matter."

Harry gave him a long look. "Can't or won't, Tom?"

Tom didn't say anything for a while, but Harry could see him closing another part of himself off; suppressing a part of him that was desperately trying to thrive.

"It doesn't matter," Tom finally said. "It's Susan that I'm after."


	15. Chapter 15

**Look After You- Chapter Fifteen**

A/N: Just a warning that this chapter most likely deserves its T rating. Refences and lines from Persistence of Vision. And thanks to Pepper for the beta.

***

_As always, just another normal day on Voyager, _B'Elanna thought, tapping furiously at the control panel of the warp core. She was desperately trying to set up a resonance burst, in order to inhibit the sionic rays that were currently incapacitating the crew. But as the whole of her staff resembled something more akin to a zombie out of one of Tom's holo-deck programmes, her attempts were proving near impossible.

She gave a sigh of relief as she heard the Engineering doors slide open.

"How's it going down here?" She was surprised to hear Tom's voice.

"Not good," she answered. "I can't get a response from anybody. It's like they're catatonic." She turned to look at him. "What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be at helm control?"

Tom tapped his fingers against the control panel. "I figured helping you is more important right now."

B'Elanna gave him a confused look. "If you say so. But you know, you could have sent Harry. Or Chakotay."

"They're out of action. But I'm glad to know my company's appreciated."

B'Elanna gave him a wry smile. "I'm sorry, Tom. I'm kind of a little stressed here. Trying to set up this burst knowing that the fate of the entire crew rests on it doesn't make for easy working. You could make yourself useful."

Instead, Tom came and positioned himself on her other side. "I think we should take an escape pod out of here. We passed an M-class planet yesterday. The pod should get us there in a week."

B'Elanna stopped what she was doing and gave him an incredulous look. "That's a little dramatic, don't you think?"

"B'Elanna, there's nothing more we can do here. If we stay here any longer, we'll be next."

"I'm willing to take that risk. I need to fix this, Tom. And I'm not going to let some bio-electric field incapacitate me."

"Sheer will alone does not make you immune to deadly alien weapons, B'Elanna."

"It does if you're Klingon. If you're not going to be useful-,"

Suddenly Tom grabbed her wrists, drawing her close to him, and she looked up at him in shock. "Please, B'Elanna. Come with me. It's the only way."

"Tom! What are you doing?"

He didn't let go of his grip on her. "Come with me," he repeated.

"I can't believe you're saying this! You know we've got to stay and help the others."

"Do I have to give you an order?"

"You're the same rank as me!"

"I have seniority."

She snorted. "Just barely," she said, trying to shrug off his grip on her.

He loosened his grip on her hands and instead positioned them lower, so his arms were circulating her waist, and pulled her close. And just like that, everything became clear.

"You're not Tom, are you?" she asked quietly.

"I'm the Tom you want me to be."

She looked at him in confusion. "The Tom I want you to be?"

The intent way he was looking at her was starting to make her feel panicked. She knew that she was strong enough to fight him off, but in that moment, she couldn't seem to send the right messages to her brain to move.

His right hand moved up to her neck, whilst his left arm stayed firmly around her waist, and she drew her face away. He counteracted by drawing his face even closer to hers so that she could feel his breath on her face, and she closed her eyes at the sensation.

"This is what you want," he said, his words slow and deliberate. "Deep down, this is the secret you've been keeping. From him. From others. And from yourself."

B'Elanna opened her eyes, staring at this Tom's eyes, as he tried to make her believe he was real, and slowly, ever so slowly, he was starting to make her believe.

"You want me," he carried on. "You've wanted me since the moment you first saw me. All those pretences of despising me and resisting me. Deep down, you're just like the rest of all the women you try so desperately not to be like. But I see right through you, B'Elanna. And I want you, too."

He began a trail of soft kisses along her jaw, and she let out a moan, resisting him only slightly, and enjoying the feel of his lips against her skin. It had been a long time-too long- since she'd allowed herself the touch of another, and despite the internal battle building within her, the temptation to give in to him was strong.

In her mind this Tom was real, and she was confronting something she'd been quelling inside for a long time, and hadn't even acknowledged.

Her gaze locked on to his. "Yes," she answered, feeling no guilt or objection. "_Yes,_" she repeated.

The next thing she knew, they were in her quarters. She didn't allow herself to question how they had got there.

He had her pinned down to her bed, his weight pressing atop her.

A small part of her, her rational side, was trying to gain control. "We have to…help the…others," she said, in between his drugging kisses to her neck. How was it that he knew to touch her here, where she was most sensitive?

But he wouldn't let her resist, trying to distract her instead.

"I want you," he repeated, his expert hands sliding underneath her jacket and removing her turtleneck from the waistband of her trousers. "I've always wanted you. From the moment I saw you on the _Val Jean _I knew I had to have you."

She gasped at the sensation of his hands on her waist; his fingers drawing maddening circles on her skin.

"Wasn't…going…to…make…it…easy," she said through gritted teeth.

He chuckled into her neck, and she planted her fingers into his hair in response.

He moved his chin up to her ear; his fingers following upwards.

"Give in to me," he whispered in her ear.

She responded by claiming his mouth and passionately kissing him, barely giving him a chance to respond. And with every taste of him, she felt herself letting go of all of her inhibitions: reality, consequence, her duty and the fact that this Tom wasn't real at all.

***

Later that evening, Harry, Tom and she were sitting in the mess hall, each staring glumly into their cup of coffee. It had been an extremely miserable day, and B'Elanna had no idea why she had even agreed to meet them. Maybe it had something to do with them feeling just as unhappy as she did.

"So what did you see?" Harry finally asked.

"I saw my father, being his usual, deprecating self," Tom muttered dispassionately.

Harry gave him a small smile of sympathy. "I saw Libby, telling me she hadn't given up and asking why I had."

Tom gave him a small smile back. "What about you, B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I…," she began, and he noted the way that she couldn't meet his gaze. "I saw Chakotay," she said.

For a moment, Tom's eyes seemed to darken. "_Oh_," he said with raised eyebrows.

They drank the rest of their drinks in silence, before Tom and then Harry made their excuses and left.

B'Elanna leant back in her seat and sighed.

_Well, _she thought. _I can now cross Tom Paris off the list of men I have not had a sexual fantasy about. _

She sighed again, feeling a heavy weight on her shoulders, and cast a gaze around the room. She noticed Captain Janeway sitting by the view-port, deep in thought. On impulse, she decided to go over to her.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Captain," she said, startling the captain out of her reverie. "Isn't this the day you're usually in the holo-deck?"

"I thought after our recent experience, that I'd take a break from fantasy for a while."

B'Elanna smiled. "I don't blame you. I think that it had an impact on all of us." She leant forward, her chin in her hands. "Do you think it's true? The alien was reading our minds? Creating images from our own experiences?"

"It seemed that way," Kathryn answered. "He had an uncanny ability to bring buried thoughts out into the open. Why?"

"Oh, it's just…I experienced something I would rather not admit," she replied.

"I know, me too."

B'Elanna looked at the captain in surprise. Sometimes it was easy to forget that she was a woman too, who felt emotions and had thoughts that weren't permissible for a captain.

"But in a way, it did us all a favour. Maybe it's best to look those feelings in the eye, than to keep them locked up inside," Kathryn carried on.

_That__'__s what I__'__m afraid of, _B'Elanna thought. She had no idea how to go about processing the events of the last twenty-four hours; how to deal with feelings she wasn't aware that she had -or had she been? All she knew was that a door she would rather have left closed had been open, and there would be no going back to shut it now.


	16. Chapter 16

**Look After You- Chapter Sixteen**

A/N: As always thanks to Pepper for the beta. References and lines from episodes Prototype and Thresholds. Any comments appreciated.

***

"_Would you want to know what I've been through? Would you want to know I've missed you too and have you on my mind?" _Elisa, Stay.

Tom Paris was dating Susan Nicoletti.

The news had spread around Voyager faster than an asteroid colliding into a planet.

This piece of information had surprised B'Elanna, since Tom had clearly said that he wasn't the dating type. And whether he was taking this 'relationship' seriously or not, he was definitely acting like it.

It had been a week since the somewhat strange fantasy of Tom, and she had yet to analyze what had transpired. Instead, she did what she was good at: ignoring the problem, and choosing to lock those thoughts and feelings in a box to consider at a later date or not at all. Without realizing it, she had become hyper-alert around him; with everything said and done analysed to the ninth degree. If he noticed something odd in her behaviour, he didn't say anything. In turn, he hadn't been acting normal around her either. But since he'd been with Sue, he hadn't been acting normal in general.

Tom seemed to spend all his free time with Sue. And when she did get to see him, Sue was always plastered to his side. Their inability to keep their hands of each other was irksome, and Harry seemed to think so too. In fact, Harry seemed downright exasperated by this fledging relationship, and in the instances when they had to spend time with them, B'Elanna and Harry made their excuses and left. Not that Sue was a bad person. She was reasonably nice, and mildly intelligent. But Tom had this uncanny ability to turn even the most intelligent women into a simpering fool, and that didn't make for good company.

Why he had suddenly changed his casual-only rule to a serious relationship, she had no idea. All she knew was that ever since the day he had been stranded with Neelix on an away mission more than a month ago, Tom had been acting funny. B'Elanna knew that Tom had never had more than one date with any woman aboard Voyager. The Delaney sisters didn't count, as they were almost child-like, and their dates resembled that of a young teenager: just a bit of harmless fun. Tom never went out with the twins unless Harry was with them, and she knew for a fact that the dates never progressed further than mild flirting.

She was surprised at how much Tom's love life was becoming a major issue for her. She'd never cared for any of the women he had previously been with, and in fact had downright scorned them. Yet every time she saw Sue and Tom together, something bubbled up inside her, and she suspected that this alien feeling was jealousy. But how was it possible to be jealous of a man who had been with so many women that it intimidated her?

When she closed her eyes and thought of the memory of his lips against her skin, she remembered why.

***

A couple of weeks passed by, and B'Elanna began to adjust to life without Tom around, or at least him being around and accessible. It was just Harry and her who made the effort to spend time together now, and though she loved his company, a part of her longed for the days when Tom used to be around, and the three of them used to tease one another. It had been a long time since they had pulled pranks on one another, and she missed the way it was always Harry and her ganging up against Tom. She had no idea how that set up had formed, but she felt it was a more satisfying pairing than it would have been had Tom and Harry ganged up on her. She was pretty sure neither of the men would be alive to tell the tale for starters.

One evening, restless and bored, she decided to wander around the ship. Harry was at band practice, and she could find nothing to occupy her mind. After much aimless wandering, she found herself hovering at the entrance of Sandrine's. Wondering what she was doing there, she noticed that Tom and Sue were there too, playing pool.

She watched as Sue held the cue in her hand, and was bent over the table, with Tom right behind her, showing her how to shoot properly. Evidently, Sue was pulling the 'I-can't-play-pool, show-me-how' routine she knew to be a popular trick amongst certain women, and Tom was taking the bait. With disgust, she observed the way his entire front side was leaning into her, with both arms encompassing her waist and hands positioned over hers on the cue, something that ought to be illegal in public. Part of her felt that she should walk away, but she found that she was transfixed by the sight; except it wasn't Sue she was imagining Tom was whispering sweet nothings to; it was her.

She let out a gasp and she tried to suppress the memories she so desperately didn't want to remember, and finally found the energy to turn and leave.

She didn't notice Tom lifting his head and spying her as she walked away.

***

Another two weeks passed, and she and Harry found themselves in Engineering late at night, trying to figure out how to bring an android back on line.

Her head was hurting and she was exhausted, but she was not a quitter, and she refused to rest until she'd solved this problem.

"We've got to find a way to fix this," she lamented.

"We've been trying for hours. We need a break. The EPS charge can hold until morning," replied Harry.

"You go ahead; I can use some time to think."

"If you're staying, I'm staying." Kahless, she loved Harry.

"Get some rest, Harry."

Harry grinned. "You may think you're tougher than everyone else, _B'Elanna Torres, _but I can go without sleep just as long as you can. And I'm not a masochist either."

She raised an eyebrow. "Don't make me laugh, Starfleet. And don't make me pull rank on you either."

"If you insist. But let me know if you come up with anything, _lieutenant_," he said with another grin.

She rolled her eyes, wondering when he had turned into Tom.

The truth was, despite how gruelling this task was, it was a much welcomed distraction from real life, and at least for a while made her forget her problems.

***

B'Elanna's day was not supposed to include being kidnapped by a robot, who wanted her to build more robots, and then proceeded to attack Voyager. _I do one nice thing_, she thinks, _and this is what happens. _

"…we are programmed to destroy the enemy. It's necessary for our survival…" she heard 3947 say.

She felt her heart sink. Of course this android had to belong to a group of androids that took the phrase 'destroy the enemy' seriously. And now she'd become part of this.

She heard him talk, but his words didn't sink in. All she could think about was that her stubborn nature had cost her again. Because of her determination to fix 3947, she had unwittingly aided them in 'destroying the enemy,' at the cost of the Builders' lives, and now it seemed, the crew of Voyager.

She had to find a way to stop him. With determination, she took the nearest tool she could find, and drove it into Prototype Unit 001. Seeing this, 3947 turned around and shot an electric pulse at her. She screamed in pain and fell to the floor.

"You have terminated the prototype," 3947 stated.

"Yes. I have," she said between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the pain while simultaneously considering how to escape.

"You will build another."

"Never!"

"Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres. I told 6263 that you are not out enemy."

She looked at him in anguish. "I never wanted to be your enemy. I'm sorry," she informed him, and with those words, found herself transporting off the ship.

Slipping into unconsciousness, the only words she was aware of was, "Shuttle to Voyager: I've got her, but she's injured."

Tom's voice. She had never been so glad to hear it.

Her last thought was, _Why am I not surprised that you came and got me? _

***

When B'Elanna woke up, she found herself in sickbay.

"Ah, lieutenant, you're awake," the Doctor said.

"Seems that away," she murmured, sitting up and bringing a hand to her head. "What happened?"

"You survived yet another precarious situation, no doubt thanks to my ingenious medical skills."

"No doubt," she echoed.

"You received a high electric shock, B'Elanna, resulting in tissue damage, ventricular fibrillation and neuropathy. Needless to say you're okay now, but I suggest bed rest."

"No argument there, Doctor," she said. "Thank you. And I forgot to say the other day, thank you for your help."

The Doctor looked startled for a moment. "You're welcome," he said in an almost gentle manner.

At that moment the doors opened, and Tom walked in. Seeing him, the Doctor took this moment to walk off into his office.

B'Elanna's eyes widened at the sight of Tom.

"B'Elanna!" he exclaimed, walking up to her.

"Tom," she greeted.

"I came to see if you're okay," he said, clasping her hands without realizing he was doing so.

"I'm fine," she replied. "A little shocked, but I'm fine. Thank you, Tom. If you'd been a moment later-,"

Tom cut her off. "I made a promise, didn't I?"

She smiled at him. "You did."

"So, an army of killing robots, aye?"

She permitted herself to grin. It had been a while since they'd had a moment like this. "Yeah, who would have thought? They were like those robots out of those weird films you like."

"Really? I'm sad I missed it."

"Somehow I doubt it. I was almost responsible for destroying Voyager. You know…again."

"I'm pretty sure that endangering the lives of a ship is mandatory for every Chief Engineer," he assured her. "And we're all okay. Apart from Harry- he ate something bad for lunch. But he'll be okay. And well, you're okay."

"Thanks to you."

"It was nothing, really."

For a moment the two of them simply stared at each other, trying to sort out the puzzle that was the two of them.

***

"…9.8, 9.9, 9.95. I'm approaching the threshold, but the nacelle isn't holding."

"Tie in auxiliary power," Harry suggested.

"It's no use, I'm breaking up!" Tom said, as he frantically tapped at the controls, at the helm of the shuttle. "I'm breaking up!" he repeated again.

The shuttle exploded, and Tom found himself on the ground of the holo-deck.

He found a tired Harry looking at him with his chin rested on the console, and B'Elanna giving an exasperated look.

"You're dead," she informed him.

He sighed, and rubbed his hand over his tired eyes. Didn't he know it.

A month had passed since B'Elanna had been abducted by a robot, and things between them were better. Tom was still dating Sue, but had finally realized that if he wanted to spend time with his two friends, he had to spend time with them minus Sue, which they seemed to appreciate. He didn't realize how much he missed them, until seeing B'Elanna in sickbay. The Warp 10 project was something he'd been thinking of for a while, but his reasons for executing it was an excuse to spend more time with B'Elanna and Harry. Though things between him and B'Elanna seemed slightly awkward, they were improving. And this project offered a chance for them to work together, merging ideas and theories together, minus their emotional problems.

Although he revelled in their company, this project wasn't proving easy. Days were spent mulling over every contingency and trying to find ways to solve an ever-growing list of problems. When it seemed liked they might succeed, the shuttle broke up and they were back to square one. It took a throwaway comment from Neelix for them to be back in the game, only for Captain Janeway to take this chance away from him because there was a slight chance that he _might _be prone to some sort of damage. He practically had to beg the captain for this opportunity. He'd gone most of his life with people laying expectations on top of his; claiming that he was 'special' and destined for great things, and this was his chance to prove that he was worth something; that he hadn't derailed irrevocably when he had caused the crash those few years ago. Knowing this, the captain acquiesced, and he finally felt like things were going to stay right after all.

On the day of the launch, Harry and B'Elanna accompanied him to the shuttle bay.

"Nervous, Tommy Boy?" Harry inquired.

"Me? No!" he lied.

"Just remember everything we've gone through in the scenarios, and you should do fine," B'Elanna informed him.

"Here's hoping." They reached the Cochrane. "Well, this is my stop."

Harry clapped him hard on the shoulder. "Good luck, buddy. I've got to say; I'd rather it were you than me on that shuttle."

He winced slightly. "Thanks, Har. You always do know the right words…"

B'Elanna smiled at him genuinely, but there was something glistening in her eyes that he couldn't define.

"Good luck, Tom. I know you can do it. Just remember to come back in one piece."

He grinned at her. "You have my word."

They turned and left, and his heart started beating in anticipation. Sue commed him to wish him good luck, as did Neelix and Kes, which gave him further drive. He was going to do this. He was going to reach Warp 10.

***

He'll never forget this day; his greatest achievement. He'll never forget the congratulatory looks from Captain Janeway, or the sheer pride that shone in her eyes. He wouldn't forget the congratulations from Sue, Harry, Kes and Neelix or the awe from his crewmates. But mostly, he'd never forget the look of B'Elanna, as she came bounding into sickbay to check that he was okay; the relief in her eyes that he was, and watching that look transform into great enjoyment as she told him that he'd done it.

Her pride spoke volumes of how far they'd come since they'd first met, and it made it all- even the events that would follow from going to Warp 10- worthwhile.

***

Later that night, Captain Janeway made a ship-wide announcement that Tom had died.

B'Elanna and Harry both sat in shock in Engineering. It had only seemed like minutes ago that Tom and B'Elanna had been sitting in the mess hall, trying to drink a celebratory coffee. But then Tom had collapsed, and just like that he had died.

B'Elanna couldn't bring herself to believe it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Look After You- Chapter Seventeen**

A/N: Thanks again to Pepper for the beta. References to Threshold.

***

"_It was only one hour ago, it was all so different then. There's nothing yet that has really sunk in. I grieve for you," _Peter Gabriel, I grieve.

***

Like a child sleepwalking, B'Elanna found herself at the door of Tom's quarters, trying to find solace. Harry had left not too long after the news of Tom's death broke, needing time to deal with it alone. B'Elanna hadn't been quite sure what to do with herself, and had ended up here.

Typing in Tom's code, she entered Tom's quarters, and was immediately hit with the scent of Tom: spicy and masculine and a smell she loved.

She cast a gaze around the room, and noticed how clean it was. Despite what one might think, Tom was fastidiously clean and he'd once explained to her that he'd been brought up to believe that appearances were of the greatest importance; from the way he looked to the state of his room, and it was a doctrine that he hadn't been able to shed. She had never invited Tom or Harry over to her quarters for fear of what they might think of the state of it. She was capable of efficient engineering or efficient tidying, but not both, and the engines won every time.

B'Elanna began to wander around. She had been here so many times, but now that he was gone she felt like she was looking in here for the very first time, trying to give meaning to all the things Tom would never touch again. Tom didn't have many personal belongings adorning his room, as he had near to nothing when he boarded, yet he seemed to have this way of making all the standard furniture and appendages his own.

She walked over to his computer console, and smiled when she saw that he had replicated some stickers that looked like the rockets and spaceships from the old movies that Tom loved so much, and had stuck them over his console. The computer was still on, and she noted that on the screen was a countdown to his flight mission. The time had long run out, but the letters were still flashing, almost as if they were conveying his initial excitement. She gave one long glance at it, before leaning over to switch it off and close it. In the process, she accidentally nudged the console, and this revealed a photo underneath.

Out of curiosity she picked it up and looked at it. It was an image from Tom's Starfleet Academy days, and appeared to be a team photo. Tom didn't talk much of his life back then, and she had no idea what sport he had played. In the photo, there were four people smiling broadly at the camera. One was a much younger looking Tom and she couldn't help but smile at his full lock of hair. His brilliant blue eyes were gleaming, and he had his arm wrapped around the girl next to him. The girl was the most beautiful human B'Elanna had ever seen. With strawberry blonde hair and eyes the colour of emeralds, her entire presence made her seem ethereal, and this was heightened by her kind-looking features. Her face was pressed close to Tom's, and her smile matched his. Next to her stood a tall, burly-looking man, with sandy hair and pale brown eyes. He stood proud and tall and the three of them wore gold medals around their necks. The man standing next to Tom was the only one not wearing a sports uniform, nor did he have a medal. He had unruly brown hair and expressive brown eyes, and seemed to be extremely happy for his friends. Turning over the photo, B'Elanna found the words, '_Never forget', _inscribed on the back. She realized that these people must have been the friends that Tom had accidentally killed, and the girl the one that Tom had loved. Seeing this photo made her comprehend how real these people had been; not just a tragic statistic or a painful memory. With a pang, she finally understood what the weight Tom carried on his shoulders must have felt like.

_They're proud of you, Tom, _she thought. _I hope you got a chance to realize that. _

Setting down the photo, she moved over to Tom's chaise lounge, and sat down in it. His dressing gown was folded at the end, and she picked it up to smell it. There were tones of his cologne, and with a wave of emotion she realized how much she was going to miss it; miss him.

So many thoughts and feelings, but where to start?

Drawing her legs up to her chest, she wrapped his dressing gown over her knees, as if it were a blanket. She thought back to the very moment she had first met Tom.

She'd been on the Val Jean for six months, and Chakotay had returned from a mission with Tom in tow. Tom had cast a glance around the small ship, with a big smirk on his face. When he saw B'Elanna, his smirk had only deepened, and she had hated him on sight.

_You've wanted me since the moment you first saw me._

The voice of the manifested Tom echoed in her mind, and she considered his words. Had she really felt that way? Tom had immediately irritated her; the way he tried to tell her how to do her job, while at the same time looking at her like he was mentally undressing her. And the way he objectified her made her feel like she was a child again, being scrutinised by her peers for looking different. So no, there had been no room for appreciation or attraction in those first few instances. But after a while, she found herself watching him. She grew captivated by the way he flew the ship, navigating the Badlands as if he was speaking a language he was fluent at. She had recognized then, Tom's addiction to adrenaline rushes and dangerous situations, for it had matched her own. At that moment she had developed a small curiosity to see how similar they really were. Much later, they were on a planetoid and Tom saved her from drowning. In those initial moments when he was trying to make her come about, he had been incredibly worried. When B'Elanna had finally opened her eyes, she had glimpsed the panic in his eyes, and his words had been of concern. Gone was his air of arrogance and his cocky attitude, and that's when B'Elanna had begun to suspect that Tom was wearing a mask; the real and possibly more tender side locked deep inside him. She'd been incredibly grateful for him being there, and they seemed to reach some sort of truce: that they both mutually accepted each other. She had then toyed with the idea of what it might be like to give in to Tom's advances, but before she could figure out whether she would (and it would most likely be no), Tom had vanished a day later. The feeling of not being surprised had masked the slight disappointment and emptiness she had felt at his departure.

She closed her eyes. She'd forgotten those feelings. Oh, she remembered the scorn, but not the stirring feelings of change, nor the slight glimpse of who Tom Paris really was. She'd feel those things again, later, when he kept her company in the mines, but she only remembered now that she had thought these things before. So maybe that projection of Tom had been right.

She thought about her changing feelings towards him. When she met him again as he pulled her out of the Ocampan tunnels, she'd realized he'd changed. This Tom was more professional and extremely determined to prove that he was more than a leery drunk. He didn't acknowledge that he knew her from before, and that would only come up later when she referenced him saving her. There were no more lascivious looks or flirting, at least not to her anyway. As comrades, they worked together well, but they didn't socialise outside of duty, and she didn't even begin to consider him a friend until after the mine incident. The ease of their friendship was unexpected, but not unappreciated. He was a good friend who was able to understand things about her that most people couldn't. She adored his friendship. Treasured his warm personality. Revelled in his humour. And with startling clarity, realized that she loved him.

Opening her eyes, she toyed with the sleeve of his robe. The realization didn't surprise her, and maybe she'd know deep down for a while. Not that she could do anything about it now. Even if she had the chance, she wasn't sure if she would. She knew she wasn't Tom's type by a long-shot. Someone like Sue was.

_This is the secret you've been keeping_, Tom's voice whispered.

Maybe. But this was the secret she would keep. It didn't matter anymore.

She let out a sigh. Life without Tom would be empty. She hadn't felt this desolate since her father had left her all those years ago, and it felt like it was happening all over again, except this time, the person she loved didn't have a choice in the matter.

There would be no more memories. No more jokes, or laughter, pranks or happy times. No more good company and intriguing conversations, and her heart broke at the prospect.

With surprise, a tear trickled down her face. She had made a promise to herself when she was younger that she would never cry again. When her father had left, she'd cried for days on end, before emerging from her room and vowing never to waste tears on another person or situation again. She hadn't cried when her beloved grandmother died, or when the other kids at school bullied her. She didn't cry when she stopped talking to her mother or when she couldn't adjust to Starfleet's stringent rules and regulations. Crying was for the weak. And she wasn't that weak five-year old anymore. But just this once, she allowed herself to break this vow. Another tear formed, and then another, before a torrent of tears came. She moved his robe close to her face, allowing the tears to fall into the soft material, trying to come to terms with the fact that he was gone. After a while, the tears stopped, and she sniffed, trying to compose herself together. Standing up, she set his robe back down on the chair, and headed out. Before she reached the door, she cast one final glance around the room, trying to commit everything to memory.

"Computer: turn out the lights," she whispered.

And just like that, his quarters were shrouded in darkness.


	18. Chapter 18

**Look After You- Chapter Eighteen**

A/N: Thanks as always to Pepper. References to Threshold.

***

"_Where have you been, my long lost friend? It's good to see you again. Come and sit for a while, I've missed your smile. Today, the past is goodbye." _Alison Krauss, Stay.

"Here's to dying and then somehow coming back alive again," came Harry's voice, pretending to toast with an imaginary glass of champagne.

"Not to mention turning into a reptile," added the Doctor, before he disappeared off to dabble with his medical utensils.

Tom groaned from his position on the biobed.

"That was supposed to be confidential, Doc."

"Everyone already knows, Tom," B'Elanna said gently.

It had been three days since Tom had come back from the dead, turned into a reptile-like creature and mated with the captain. Kathryn had already been discharged, but the Doctor had informed him that he was to stay longer as his body had gone through the most change. He'd spent the last three days mostly sleeping it off, and it was only today that B'Elanna and Harry were able to see him. The two of them were both perched at the end of his biobed; one on either side of his feet.

Tom was glad to see his friends again, and judging by the appreciative looks on their faces, he guessed they felt the same.

"I had this feeling that we hadn't seen the last of you, Tom Paris," Harry said with glee. "Of course, trust you to come back as a lizard."

"Reptile, Harry," he corrected. "Lizards are those tiny, slimy creatures that people pickle and put in jars." At least, that's what his sister had told him anyway. "And I definitely was not tiny."

Harry snorted. "Not sure that's something to brag about there, Mr Reptile Man."

Tom shot him a glare.

"I hope it's not too embarrassing for you, Tom," said Kes from her standing position by his head.

"Trust me, nothing is more embarrassing than knowing you turned into a reptile, mated with your captain and she had your babies."

Harry and B'Elanna gawped at him.

"Wait a minute, you mated with the captain?" asked an incredulous Harry.

"I thought you knew that already," Tom said, hesitating.

"Not that bit we didn't!" exclaimed Harry. "We just thought you'd kidnapped her."

Tom shut his eyes briefly. Great. Now they'd tease him about it forever.

"Does that mean lizards carrying yours and the Captain's DNA actually exists, somewhere in this Quadrant?" Harry inquired.

Tom groaned again. He didn't want to talk about this. Ever.

"We're really glad you're okay, Tom," B'Elanna said instead, softly patting his leg. "You really had us worried for a while."

He imagined what it might be like if either of them had died, if only momentarily. He'd be broken. "I'm sorry," he apologised.

"It's okay. Just promise us no more crazy stunts anymore."

"Trust me: I'm doing everything by the book now. No more ideas about how to change things. I don't want to go through something like that ever again."

"It was awful seeing you like that," Kes said, her voice full of worry.

"Yes, well, we all know that Mr Paris won't let a little thing like death stop him," said the Doctor, as he approached his biobed with a hypo-spray full of an analgesic, injecting him with it. "This should be your last one, lieutenant. You're body has fully recovered from your…transformation, and you should be free to go later today."

"Thank God," he muttered.

"Maybe you can join us for dinner in the evening," Harry suggested.

Tom emitted another groan. "I can't handle food right now, Har. Maybe tomorrow."

"That's okay, Tom. We'll save you a tasty bowl of bugs," he replied.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Reptile jokes. That's all I'm going to get, isn't it?"

"And jokes about mating with the captain," Harry added.

"I'm glad to be the object of your ridicule."

"Seeing that recently you'd been the object of our misery, me, too."

He gave them a small smile, still truly sorry for that. He knew Harry's jokes were a way for him to compensate for the anguish Harry had felt, and he was truly glad to realize how much his friends appreciated him, even if it had come at a high cost.

"We better go, Tom," B'Elanna said. "Our shifts start soon."

He felt slightly disappointed, not wanting his friends to leave. "Okay," he answered.

"Look after yourself, okay?" Harry said.

"Will do."

B'Elanna patted his leg again. "Don't go turning into a butterfly or anything," she said.

"Ah, but the temptation is so strong."

"Goodbye, Tom," she said.

"Goodbye, B'Elanna. Goodbye, Harry."

They exited sickbay, and Tom was left with just Kes and the Doctor.

Kes brushed some of the hair from his face. "I'm so glad that you're alive, Tom," she said with a smile. "Things really weren't the same without you."

Tom gave her a smile. "So am I, Kes. So am I."

***

A few hours later, Tom was discharged. Walking onto the corridors of Voyager, Tom had never felt so grateful to be alive. Or human for that matter. He didn't remember much about being a reptile; just feelings really, and for that he was glad. He arrived at his quarters and punched in his access code. Stepping in, he immediately realized something was different.

"Computer: lights."

Light was immediately cast around his room. Everything seemed in place, so what was wrong? He closed his eyes for a moment, and inhaled. There was a strange yet familiar smell in the air. A hint of citrus and touch of something almost floral, combined with a slight mechanical smell. It smelt like…B'Elanna. At that moment, he noticed his dressing gown was haphazardly placed on his chaise lounge, and he knew for a fact that out of habit, he had folded it neatly the morning of his mission. Picking it up and unfolding it, he noticed a part of it was damp from where the material had been folded and hadn't dried properly. He brought the robe to his nose, and it smelt even stronger of B'Elanna. He sat down in his chair, extremely confused. Had B'Elanna been in his room when he was gone, and had she been crying?

Before he could mull over this further, his door bell chimed.

"Come in," he called out.

The doors opened to reveal Susan. With a sudden pang of guilt, Tom realized that since his return from the dead, he had completely forgotten to tell her.

"Tom!" she cried, rushing over to him. "You're okay!" She enveloped him in a hug, and Tom found himself wrapping his arms around her.

"You bet I am," he said with an impish grin, placing a kiss on the side of her mouth, and pulling her to join him on his recliner.

"When I heard about you I was devastated," she said, her blue eyes wide.

"I'm okay now," he assured her.

"I'm glad." She rested her head against his shoulder. "Although, you didn't tell me you were released from sickbay."

"I'm sorry, Sue. I kind of forgot with everything that's happened."

"Well, because you're alive, I'll forgive you. Although turning into a reptile? That's kind of...weird."

Tom laughed. "You have no idea."

"Any other crazy things you want to tell me about?"

He thought of mating with the captain and having 'lizard' babies.

"No," he answered.

"That's good," she said softly.

They sat in a companionable silence, with Sue's head remaining firm on his shoulder. That was fine with him; he didn't think he could handle anything vaguely sexual right now. In fact, after mating with the Captain and having her spawn, he didn't think he could face sex for a long time.

Tom's thoughts drifted to the woman beside him. Sue was lovely and a lot sweeter than her previous cold temperament towards him had made him believe. She was intelligent and good company, but there was something she seemed to be lacking. She seemed to take things too seriously and often didn't understand why he did some things the way he did. But he had spent more than a year chasing her, and was glad that he finally got her. She was the first girlfriend after Odile and he found that transition not to be as painful as he thought it would be. Harry didn't understand why Tom had suddenly decided to date her after all his claims of being a good-time guy, suspecting that their relationship was mainly about sex. He'd be right, but it was still a committed relationship, nonetheless. And the truth was, he didn't quite understand either. Maybe it had something to do with tiring of a lifestyle that involved sleeping with women whose names he could barely remember. Or maybe it had something to do with evading problems.

After losing Odile, his beloved girlfriend from his Academy days, he had been reluctant to love anyone again. He never wanted to be that cause of pain and have to live with it, ever again. Further more, he didn't want to make himself vulnerable to getting hurt and attaching himself to anyone, knowing that with his luck, he could only cause damage. He knew he could never feel the slightest way about Susan as he had Odile, and thus his feelings weren't on the line. He expected the relationship to run its course eventually, and he was determined to enjoy it in the meantime.

The only problem was, he was beginning to suspect that someone was starting to make him feel the way Odile had made him feel. He also believed that that person was starting to make the carefully built fort of rules and determination crumble away. And that person wasn't Susan.

***

The next day, Tom took time out of his busy schedule of doing nothing to visit B'Elanna in Engineering. The captain had given him the day off, and forbade him to commence duty until the following day. Not that he was complaining. He knew people's relief over him not dying would wear off soon, and that in no time at all, people would be back to wishing the very worse for him.

He found B'Elanna poured over a console, concentrating deeply.

"Hey," he greeted, leaning over the console.

B'Elanna looked up to face him. "Tom," she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I got a bit bored, so I thought I'd go for a wander."

"To here? I could think of more exciting places to go to."

"I think you just insulted the engines, B'Elanna!"

"They'll get over it."

Tom smiled. "So, what are you doing?"

She grinned. "Nothing your feeble pilot mind would understand."

"Oh really?"

"I'm just doing a maintenance scan, Tom."

"I have _no _idea what one of those is..."

B'Elanna gave him a look.

"So er... anyway," he carried on. "When I got back to my quarters yesterday, I noticed someone had been in them."

He watched as B'Elanna blanched slightly.

"You wouldn't know who that might be, by any chance?" he asked, folding his arms.

Slowly, B'Elanna shook her head. "No idea," she replied. "Maybe it was Sue," she suggested.

"She says it wasn't."

"Oh."

"I wonder why someone was there."

"Beats me."

"Do you think it has anything to do with me dying?" he watched as she squirmed, deriving a lot of satisfaction from it.

"Could be."

"Maybe I'm just imagining things."

"Maybe." B'Elanna didn't quite look him in the eye.

"Or maybe not. Maybe someone was there for a reason. Maybe for consolation. Or to try and steal my Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, which I'm happy to report they didn't take."

"Is it important to find out why?" she asked with curiosity.

He looked at her intently. "Yeah," he answered. "Because if it's the former, I'd want them to know that I'm touched. And kind of glad."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Oh," she replied. "Well, I guess if you really wanted to know you could ask the computer." By the expression on her face, he could tell she was praying he wouldn't.

He shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll leave it. I suppose it's not that important after all." He unfolded his arms and straightened up. "I guess I better leave you to it. I'm going to go and chat with Neelix."

B'Elanna's barely concealed relief showed in her eyes. "Okay. Well, have fun."

He was just about to leave when B'Elanna called out his name.

"Tom!"

He turned back to face her. "I really missed you when you were gone," she told him.

He wasn't sure whether it was a confession or just a revelation, but he smiled and reached out to squeeze her hand; her words meaning everything to him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Look After You- Chapter Nineteen**

A/N: The next few chapters are definitely going to be towards the angsty side of things! Thanks again to Pepper for the beta. And Riss, the J/P references are for you

^ ^. Also, I've written a one-shot 'What-if" of this fic, about Tom kidnapping B'Elanna instead of Kathryn, as suggested by KUgirl, which is a lot lighter than this chapter!

References and lines from Dreadnought, Lifesigns and Investigations.

***

"_Love till you hate. Jump till you break. Know that we all fall down,"_ One Republic, All Fall Down.

Tom sat on his couch, with his head in his hands.

Earlier on in the day, he had had a meeting with Captain Janeway and Tuvok. They had informed him that someone on the ship appeared to be a traitor, and they needed to fish them out. The trouble was, they wanted him to be the bait.

After everything he had done, after all the troubles he had gone through and overcome, he felt that this command made it all redundant. They might as well have thrown him into a pit full of snakes; the conclusion would be the same. He would have to lie not only to his friends, but to everyone, making them believe that he was unhappy on Voyager and wanted to leave. But Tom wasn't unhappy; far from it. Saying no to the Captain's request was out of the question. She knew that Tom would accept whatever she asked because of how much he felt he owed her. Apparently, he was the only one she trusted to do this, and the only one who could pull off such a feat.

He didn't want to do this. He was tempted to feign an incurable illness just to get out of it. But he couldn't. How was he going to carry this off? How was he going to survive the next couple of months like this? He wasn't a liar anymore. And he certainly had more to care about than anything he ever felt he had. Yet he was about to throw it all away, just for a mission. The Captain had promised he'd be fully pardoned afterwards. But the mission would be difficult, and he had no idea whether he'd make it back alive.

He rubbed his eyes warily.

He thought he'd put that particular facet of lying and deceit into retirement, but apparently that wasn't to be. He would spend his time being unruly and unpredictable, and it hurt knowing that B'Elanna would see that side to him again, surely proving some reserved qualms she had about him right. And Harry…he would be shown the reason why he really shouldn't have befriended him, and this time it wouldn't be because of an alternate lifetime.

And that hurt more than anything.

He would spend the next two months on Voyager acting like a complete bastard, and he might never get the chance to tell his two best friends why.

***

There was no guide on how to alienate friends and close ones. But Tom didn't need one. He'd been an expert on it once, and though rusty, he could do it again.

The first step was to break it off with Susan.

He knew that if he wanted this plan to work, he had to cut off everybody. And it started with Susan. He knew that she would never break it off with him, and sensed that there was a level of adoration for him. Though touched, he knew that the relationship would have run its course eventually; he just didn't expect it to be so soon.

"I'm bored of this," he told her, trying not to show any emotion on his face.

Sue's face crumpled. "But why?" she demanded.

"Because this just isn't fun anymore," he drawled. "I'm sick of just seeing one person, Sue. I'm still young, and I need to have some fun. And being tied down with you…well, that's not going to happen, is it?"

He watched as a distraught look passed over her face. His heart clenched; she didn't deserve this behaviour from him, no one did.

She slapped him.

"I can't believe you!" she cried. "After all those rumours about you, I gave you a chance. But I guess they were all right in the end, weren't they?"

He gave her a shrug, and she stormed off while he stood rooted to the spot, numbness washing over him.

_One down, _he thought. _And many more to go. _

***

Once he'd got the ball rolling, it didn't seem to want to stop. Not that doing any of this came easy. In fact, he felt like he was putting on a performance, and hoping that it was bad enough that someone might see through it.

Putting on a fixed betting pool was the next step. He knew that his behaviour was upsetting Harry. They had betted on things before, of course, but that had all been in jest. He sensed that Harry could tell that Tom was setting not only him up, but everyone else who participated too.

After Chakotay had busted him, Harry had pulled him to the side.

"Tom, what's gotten in to you? You're acting like a fool."

Tom had merely shrugged. "I'm just acting like myself, Harry."

"I know you, Tom, and this isn't 'yourself'."

Tom had given him a condescending look. "This is the way I've always been. If you don't like it, then go."

Harry had given him a dark look in return and walked off.

"I told you that you shouldn't have become friends with me," Tom hollered after him.

He stood by the pool table, dejected. _And another one bites the dust._

He only hoped Harry would forgive him later.

***

Harry gave him space after that. Harry wasn't a fool and he knew there was more to Tom than he was letting on, but Tom wasn't in the state of mind to divulge what was going on with him. At the moment, Tom was currently avoiding hanging around with him and B'Elanna, and from what he had heard, Tom was busy chasing after women again. As much as Harry thought Tom being with Sue had been a mistake, at least he had settled a bit. Now it seemed he was back to his former self, with a one track mind. He'd give him a few days, and try to get to the bottom of it. He knew that no matter what Tom said or did, there was no way he would revert back to his former self without a reason. He just hoped it was a good one.

***

"No Tom again?" B'Elanna asked, as she joined Harry for dinner in his quarters.

Harry shrugged. "God knows what Tom is up to. But he's starting to live up to all those rumours that were spread about his past life."

"Do you think he's acting this way because he broke up with Sue?"

He shrugged again. "I'm not sure. I heard Sue telling Jenny that Tom broke up with her in an uncharacteristically cold manner. And apparently he's hooking up with all these random women. Even before he dated Sue, he was never this…active."

B'Elanna frowned. "Then what? I have no idea why else he's acting like this. Unless it has something to do with the Warp 10 thing. Maybe it messed up his mentality. I'd be pretty messed up too, if I had mated with the Captain." She couldn't deny that Tom mating with the Captain was weird. Not that she begrudged the Captain of having that honour. B'Elanna certainly didn't want to be the one turning to a reptile and having lizard babies with Tom anytime soon.

"Or maybe when he was a lizard, he got infected by a parasite, and the parasite took over his brain and ate his personality."

"That would explain his lapse in presentation," B'Elanna mused. "He would most certainly have to be possessed by someone before he dares leave his room with messy hair."

"Or maybe Tom mating with the Captain is actually an indication that he has deep rooted feelings for her, and now he's feeling awkward about having her babies. I'm not sure he wanted it to go _that _far."

B'Elanna laughed. "He did blush every time he saw her afterwards. But lately, he's been acting funny around her too."

"Maybe he finally told her that he was deeply and passionately in love with her and she rejected him. I don't think he handles rejection well."

B'Elanna snorted. "Or perhaps he's decided he likes living as a reptile better. In fact, maybe he's retained the reptilian characteristics and that's why he's acting the way he is."

"Did you ever ask yourself why he turned into a lizard in the first place? It's kind of weird, don't you think? When you think 'mutation' you think human with super abilities and three eyes, not regressing and turning back into some reptile."

"Well it is Tom," B'Elanna pointed out. "The rules of science need not apply."

"Nor the rules of logic," Harry mused. "If he's still acting like this in a week, maybe we should accost him."

***

For yet another evening, Tom sat in his quarters by himself. He was reluctant to spend time with Harry and B'Elanna, in case he caused them further grief. He knew he wouldn't be allowed to keep his guard up around them, and no doubt they'd try and question what was wrong with him. And he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep the truth from them if they asked. He also knew that spending time with them and having to lie through his teeth would not only be painful to them, but extremely painful for him, and he wanted to spare them that at least.

He spread the rumour himself about him cavorting with an array of women. It wasn't even slightly true. But he had to paint a picture the Captain wanted them to see, and this was just another paint stroke in the mess of the painting that was this ordeal.

***

A week later, B'Elanna noticed Tom arriving late to the senior meeting, interrupting her while she was trying to explain about Dreadnought. His hair was in disarray and his clothes scruffy, and quite frankly he looked awful. And she knew that Tom was a stickler for punctuality and presentation. She cast him a look of concern as he sat down, but he ignored it.

Later, the Captain set the two of them to work together.

Momentarily putting her concerns over Tom to the side, she told him the truth about Dreadnought, and how it was her fault, something that worried her greatly.

She watched as Tom's eyes softened, and a familiar look she hadn't seen for a while shone through.

"You took a risk," he told her gently. "You were thinking like a Maquis. That was a whole different life."

B'Elanna sighed. "Tell me about it."

"You know, I've been surprised at how well you've been able to fit in here. A little envious, actually."

She looked at him in confusion. "What are you talking about? You've settled in here better than I have!"

He shook his head. "No, I haven't, not really anyway. I still feel that I'm struggling to gain everyone's approval."

There was some truth in his statement. Some people still didn't get Tom; but the majority had accepted him, even if the process had been slow.

B'Elanna wasn't sure what to say to that. "The only reason I've been able to fit so well here is because of you and Harry," she said truthfully. She frowned. "Tom, what's been going on lately?"

"Going on? How?"

She gestured a hand at his dishevelled appearance. "You look like you've been attached to the back of a shuttle and flown through an ion storm. You're turning up to meetings late. You've been gambling and apparently breaking a certain lieutenant's heart. Not to mention fighting with another."

"Lieutenant Rollins deserved it," Tom said matter-of-factly.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "Joe probably claims I said the same about breaking his nose."

Tom frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're acting like a jerk, and you should stop."

Tom gave a disbelieving laugh. "Thanks!"

"Tom, I know there's something going on with you. And I'm not sure whether it has something to do with your accident, or something else. But you don't have to act like this. Harry and I are here for you, you know that, don't you?"

For a brief moment something flashed across his face. Frustration mingled with despair.

"If there was, I wouldn't tell you." Despite his words suggesting otherwise, there was no malice or sarcasm in his voice, and his eyes seemed to be pleading with her not to question what, but at the same time, transmitting some kind of message to her. But she had no idea what he was trying to say.

***

Tom spent another evening in his quarters. This time, he sat in a corner of his room, with the lights off.

There was not one moment during this task that Tom felt that any of this was easy. In fact, as everyday passed, the acting was becoming harder.

Today when B'Elanna had questioned him, confusion written all over her face, he had almost given in. Why did this stupid mission matter anyway? And surely it wouldn't affect things if B'Elanna and Harry knew…

But he knew telling them would be a mistake. He had told B'Elanna that he wouldn't' get into anymore perilous situations, and here he was walking straight into one. If he told her, she'd persuade him not to do it. And if the two of them knew, Tom wouldn't be able to find the strength to leave; knowing that if he did, there was no guarantee he'd come back. No, it was better to turn them against him, so he wouldn't mind leaving. In his mind he consoled himself with the fact that he was protecting them. From what, he didn't know.

***

B'Elanna was determined to find out what was wrong with Tom. She knew him quite well now, and that haunted look is his eye was definitely a sign that something was amiss. What that something was, she had no clue. She was no investigator, and usually people acting funny wasn't enough for her to question what was wrong, but Tom was her friend, and feelings for him or not, she still felt this strong urge to help him.

Just when she was going to start sleuthing, the Doctor called her to Sickbay, and what he had to say made her forget about Tom.

***

"You shoved Commander Chakotay?" Kes asked, from her position on the other side of the barrier of the Brig.

He grimaced. "I didn't intend to. It just…sort of happened."

Kes gave him a look of concern, a look he was growing used to seeing from his friends. She had heard that he had been placed in the Brig for attacking the Commander, and had managed to persuade Tuvok to let her see him. How she managed to do so, Tom had no idea, but Kes had this cunning ability to sweet talk people into doing what she wanted, something that made Tom proud.

"Tom," she admonished. "This isn't like you."

He paced around in the small confines of the Brig. "Don't you think I know that?" he practically shouted at her.

Kes winced at his tone, and his features softened.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"That's okay," she replied, concern still emanating from her features.

He rubbed his face in frustration; the last few weeks finally catching up on him. All the jadedness he had been pretending to project was getting to him, and he could no longer tell whether those feelings were real or not. He began to suspect that it was the former, and he had no idea whether he was pretending to be extremely frustrated with being on Voyager, or whether the acting had stopped long ago. He was starting to break; the thoughts in his head a mass of incoherence and trouble.

"I'm just so fed up!" he cried. "You have no idea- _no one _has any idea how _hard _this has been for me. She asked me to do this, with no concern for my welfare, and I'm cracking Kes, I really am."

She looked at him in confusion. "I don't understand, Tom. Who's making you do this?"

He ignored the question, still pacing. "No one knows how important winning Chakotay's respect is to me." He gave a bitter laugh. "When he first met me, he had the look in his eyes, you know? Like he believed that I really could help the Maquis. He'd regret it later; I made sure my behaviour made him believe so. But he talked me into it, and the look in his eyes dared me to find something better. Yet though he believed in me as a pilot, I knew he didn't respect me as a person, and something about that made me want to earn his respect. And I may have lost any hope of that when I made it seem like I abandoned them, but I damn well earned it here on Voyager. And now _she_ wants me to throw of all that away, for this… _this._"

He was rambling, he knew, but he couldn't help it anymore. Hell, he couldn't think straight anymore.

Kes continued to look confused. She didn't understand what Tom meant about him abandoning the Maquis. Though she knew he had been involved with them, he had never told her the full story. Yet she had sensed Tom's respect for Chakotay, and knew how much Chakotay's own respect for Tom meant to him, as if he were compensating for the lack of respect from his own father. But who was this 'she' Tom was talking about? Was it the Captain?

Kes got as close to the barrier that she could get.

"Tom, whatever or whoever is upsetting you, you don't have to go through this alone."

Tom sat down on the bench, and emitted another bitter laugh.

"Oh, believe me, I have wished that were so."

"Talk to me, Tom," she said, as softly as she could.

He got up, and walked over to her, noting the deep rooted worry in her eyes. These friends of his didn't give up on him easily.

"Kes, have you ever had to do something you didn't believe in, but had to because you were told to?"

She shook her head. She was only two years old, and she knew that time was against her. She never wanted to live a life of regrets, and tried hard to live by that rule. The first year of her life she'd tried so desperately to break away from the norm of her people's lives, and had succeeded. She could have so easily been the person who did what she was told, either with or without question. But she chose not to be. She chose to break away, and that's how she ended up on Voyager, where she'd gone from strength to strength.

"No," she answered. "But I could have, if I hadn't rebelled. Whatever it is, couldn't you do the same?"

He smiled sadly. "That's not an option. You see, the person who is telling me to do this, is someone I greatly admire, and I could never go against her wishes. Plus, someone has to do this, otherwise the whole ship will be in danger. I guess I'm the most expendable guy."

He was aware that he was close to revealing the whole truth, but he didn't care anymore. He couldn't keep this locked inside any longer, and he wasn't sure if he could even do this. He was starting to hate the Captain for making him endure this, and that was a feeling he was uncomfortable with.

Kes began to protest, but at that moment Tuvok walked in.

"Lieutenant Paris, you are free to go. The Captain would like to see you," he informed him.

The barrier went down, and Kes immediately went up to him and clasped his arm.

"I'll be okay," he assured her.

"I hope so," she whispered softly.

***

"You want me to do WHAT?" B'Elanna cried.

"The procedure is quite simple," the Doctor prattled away. "I'll drive an opening in your skull, approximately 2mm in diameter…"

B'Elanna drowned out his words, and looked at him as though he'd grown several holographic heads.

The nerve of him! Of all people, the Doctor should know that she had an…aversion to Vidiians since what she went through, and here he was acting like he was entitled to take her DNA to save one of them! Anger started boiling in her veins.

"…I demand that you put on a surgical gown and let me do this operation," he carried on.

"That's it?" she cried again. "No 'please'? No 'can I'? Do you really expect _me_ to do this just because you _demand_ it?"

The Doctor himself started to grow angry, and if B'Elanna didn't know better, he was becoming too emotionally attached to this patient, if that were even possible.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "This patient is dying, and you're her only hope for surviving. Therefore, you must do this."

"How dare you!" she began, angrily. "How _dare _you suggest I must do this, because she's _dying_. When Durst was being carted off, do you think these 'people' gave a damn for his needs? Do you think that they even _cared? _They extracted his organs as if he were some sort of old-fashioned lab rat, with no concern for him being a person. Yet, you want me to ignore this, and _help_ her, after all they've done? Doctor, I still have nightmares about what those people did to me. And if you think that I will-that I _would _even consider helping one of them- then you're sadly and grossly mistaken!"

She wasn't aware until after her rant that she had been flailing her arms around wildly.

The Doctor also gestured wildly at her. "You're letting your prejudices get in the way, lieutenant! This woman is nothing like those barbarians you met! If you only gave her a chance-,"

"No!" she cried. "You don't know how-,"

She was interrupted by another presence in the room.

"Excuse me," came another female's voice, one that was certainly not Kes.

On realizing who this woman was, B'Elanna immediately became quiet, and sidled back into her chair, as if trying to get as much distance between her and the Vidiian as possible.

"I just want to say that I read about the experiments that were done to you. What you went through must have been very traumatic."

Though she was reluctant to do so, the woman's voice commanded her attention. "That's an understatement," she muttered.

"I'm sure it is," Dr Pel said with compassion. "But please understand that this disease has been killing my people for hundreds of years. Finding a cure has become an obsession, and many of the scientists and politicians have never developed a compassion for the people who've kept us alive."

B'Elanna looked at the woman. She looked nothing like the Vidiians she had encountered, although she knew that was because she was a holographic projection of what she could look like, had the disease not been afflicted on her. The empathetic look in her eyes suggested that she was truly a good person, and nothing like the maiming men she had met.

"Have you ever killed someone in order to cure this disease? Or had someone kill someone for your research?" she asked, the answer being extremely important to her.

"No," Denara replied, shaking her head. "I believe that there are other ways, and my research has been trying to find one. I would never intentionally harm another person just so that one of my people can live a little longer."

B'Elanna nodded, numbly. She had gone so long thinking that all Vidiians were monsters, that somewhere along the way she forgot that they had been people, too, and though the Vidiians she had met seemed to have forgotten that too, some, like Denara, hadn't.

"Not all of us are like them," Denara said, as if reading her mind. "The majority of us just want to get better and get on with our lives. But we know that there isn't much hope for us left, and these grafts are only prolonging the inevitable." She turned in the direction of the body sitting on the biobed. "When I accepted those grafts, I had no idea the horror that went into obtaining them. It wasn't until later that I learnt the truth, and from then refused them." She cast her eyes downwards. "As much as I want to go on living, I know that because of my choice, I will die soon, and I've accepted that fact." She stepped towards B'Elanna. "I only want your help if you're willing to give it."

B'Elanna didn't know what to say to that. "I…I… I need some time to think," she stammered, before rushing out the room.

***

"Mr Paris," Kathryn greeted, as Tom stepped into her office.

"Captain," he greeted back with formality.

She regarded him from her position behind her desk. His back was ramrod straight, with his hands clasped behind him. This Tom wasn't the same Tom she had encountered several weeks ago, the one who had been begging her for the chance to experience what could be the greatest moment of his life. The man before her was dishevelled, tired, and carried a haunted look in his eyes. Quite frankly, he was a mess, and with a heavy heart she realized that was because of her.

"Take a seat," she said, motioning for the chair before her. He did as he was told.

"I wanted you to know, that I think you're doing extremely well on this mission."

His lips tightened into a thin line. "Did my mission include physical injury to Commander Chakotay?"

The Captain frowned. "While I admit that that wasn't part of the plan, the part you played was extremely believable."

"I'm glad that my performance pleased you," he replied back, coldly.

Kathryn sighed. "Lieutenant, you know what the situation is. Voyager is in danger, and truth be told, I see no other way to get us out of it."

"There's always another way!" he cried. "Captain, do you know how hard this has been for me? Everybody thinks I'm just messing around, up to my old tricks. Surely you saw Harry's face when I came up with those excuses for being late? He was embarrassed of me! And what about Chakotay? I bet he doesn't quite understand why I attacked him, even though he'd been trying to help me!"

Kathryn frowned again. Thought she hadn't given him a script to follow, she had been the one to dictate the tone in which he should act, to which he had followed to the letter.

"You expect me to do this, isolating the ones I love. You won't let me tell them what is really going on with me. And now they probably think I'm suffering from some psychotic breakdown! I can't continue like this. Quite frankly, I'm tempted to quit."

When the Captain had asked him to partake in this mission, she knew she wouldn't be setting him an easy task. She knew he would find it hard to lie and act as if he had fallen from grace, particularly since he had only recently strived to be the best he could. But she had no idea the gravity of the dilemma she had set him, and it was only now, seeing him broken and beaten before her, that she truly understood the weight she had asked him to carry.

"Tom, I truly am sorry for setting you this task. If you really want to quit, then I will try and find another way to find out who the spy is. But everything has already been set in motion. If you change your behaviour, he or she will begin to suspect something is wrong. And as much as I would love you to relieve the burden and tell your friends, it will compromise the mission."

"And I guess that is more important than my welfare," he muttered.

"Tom-," she began.

He cut her off. "No. I will do this, Captain. But only because the crew is at risk. Just know that there is a price to be paid."

"I will do everything in my power to ensure that you will be returned safely."

The look in his eyes suggested that wasn't what he meant.

_But it doesn't really matter, _he thought. _It never really did._


	20. Chapter 20

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty**

Thanks to Pepper for the btea. References to Lifesigns and Investigations.

***

"_Even the sturdiest ground can shift and tremble and let us fall down. Kindly unspoken you show your emotion and silence speaks louder than words,"_ Kate Voegele, Kindly Unspoken

***

As soon as Tom returned back to his quarters, he started venting out all his frustration and anger.

He grabbed the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be his Rock 'Em Sock 'Em toy, and watched as he hurled it against the wall and it shattered into pieces.

A part of him knew that this wasn't the Captain's fault. If she could see another way, she would have done it. But she had chosen this, and now he was her puppet at her disposal.

He grabbed another object, a plate from yesterday's dinner and smashed that against the wall too.

He respected the Captain. Probably more than anyone onboard. She had believed in him from the moment he had met her and likewise, she had never given him reason for him to doubt her abilities. Until now.

He hurled a mug against the wall.

The Captain may have been the one who gave him the opportunity to reform aboard Voyager, but Chakotay was the one who gave him the chance to change in the first place. If it wasn't for him, Tom would never have been part of the Maquis, even if only momentarily. He never would have remembered what it felt like to believe in something, or have someone believe in you. And most importantly, he would not have been caught on his first mission Chakotay gave him, and hence would never have ended up in jail and had Janeway come and seek him out. If not for Chakotay, no doubt Tom would still be drunk in a bar somewhere, or better yet, he would be dead.

Just as he had the highest respect for Janeway, so too did he have that same respect for Chakotay. To have the respect Chakotay had slowly but surely built for him crumble down in an instant was somewhat devastating and Tom couldn't help but feel it was unjust.

The Captain hadn't told him outright that he needed to antagonize Chakotay, but she had made it clear that he needed to make it believable that he wanted to leave Voyager, and that meant putting on a performance he knew that Chakotay would inevitably question.

Tom severely doubted Kathryn's decision to isolate Chakotay in her plans. Whether it was Tuvok's idea or not, there was no question that Chakotay would be angry and even hurt that Kathryn hadn't informed him. After all, weren't the two Captains supposed to be a united team? If she was already hiding things from Chakotay, Tom knew the damage would be irrevocable. This stratagem of hers was not only damaging the fragile relationship between the two men, but it was also doing worse damage to hers and the Commander's relationship. Tom knew that if the mission was successful and if he made it back -and that was a big if-, he could repair the damage done. The Captain on the other hand, might not be so lucky. Tom hadn't been lying when he said there was a price to pay.

That price wasn't just his safety, but the respect of two of her senior officers.

He hurled another object at the wall.

He never thought he could hate the Captain, and never ever wanted to feel that way about her. But he could not deny that the anger and rage that he had been feeling recently was directed at her. Whether it was because the stress of the mission was getting to him and clouding his judgement, he didn't know. All he knew was that he couldn't wait until this was all over. He knew the lives of the people of Voyager may well depend on him, but the burden was proving hard to bear.

He grabbed a final object, which happened to be a photo frame, and hurled that in the direction of the door. The frame shattered, making a noise that was more high-pitched than the others, and this seemed to snap him out of his rage. Walking over to the remains of the frame, he picked up the photo that was in it.

Glancing at the photo, he emitted a sigh and sunk down against the door. Other than the photo that was hidden under his computer, this was the only photo he had in his quarters. The picture was of him, Harry and B'Elanna and a few months ago, when Tom and Harry had started dragging B'Elanna everywhere. They were in Sandrine's by the pool table, and Tom remembered that he and Harry had been playing pool, and Harry had actually managed to win against him, much to B'Elanna's amusement. Joe Carey had been hanging around, taking photos of people -he had gone through a phase and taken up photography as a hobby-, and had asked to take one of the three of them. In it, Harry and Tom had stood either side of B'Elanna; Harry with a grin the size of Saturn, Tom managing a smile even though he had been miffed about losing, and then there was B'Elanna, displeased and generally not satisfied about having her photo taken with no smile in sight. He loved that photo. Everything had been much simpler then. He had almost forgotten what those times had been like. He missed those times. He missed hanging out with his two friends. But most of all, he missed them.

***

B'Elanna had wandered around the ship, her mind ablaze with questions and confusion, and like the time before, so very long ago, she found herself outside Tom's quarters, trying to find comfort.

Back then, he was the only one who could calm her unsettling mind, and she hoped he could do the same now. It didn't matter that he hadn't been acting himself recently; she just wanted solace and he was it.

She pressed on his door chime. No answer. She waited a moment, and pressed it again. No answer. She frowned. She knew that Tom was in his quarters. Maybe he was sleeping? It seemed too early to be asleep, but she never knew with Tom.

She knocked gently on his door.

"Tom?" she called out. "It's B'Elanna. Are you there?"

Again no answer.

"I know you've been acting a bit strange lately, but you should know that it doesn't matter to me. Or to Harry. I just…I just really need to talk to you right now," she said softly, realizing that she was showing a lot more vulnerability than she intended to, and not caring either way.

Still no answer.

She realized that Tom was probably resting or genuinely didn't want to see her right now, and dejected, she walked away.

***

Tom closed his eyes at the sound of B'Elanna's voice outside his door. God, how he had missed her.

She sounded upset, and that need to find out what was wrong was so strong that he stood up and faced the door, about to let her in.

But he stopped himself from doing so. There was no way he could let her in, revealing the aftermath of his rage and the state he was in.

"I know you've been acting a bit strange lately," came her voice, sounding so soft that he could have mistaken it for her human self. "But you should know that it doesn't matter to me. Or to Harry." He smiled at this thought. "I just…I just really need someone to talk to right now."

He leaned his head against the door, imagining that she was close on the other side. The discernable need to reach out and help her was tangible, and he closed his eyes again. What kind of friend was he, to leave a friend in need hanging?

One that wasn't capable of looking after himself, much less someone else.

If he opened his doors, he'd be showing her a side of him that he didn't want anyone to see, especially her, and that feeling to hide that from her was more important to him than helping her.

And right now, he wasn't in the state of mind to be able to help anyone.

***

B'Elanna walked away from Tom's quarters, and started heading in another direction. Where she was going, she wasn't sure. Although a small part of her knew that it was possible that Tom might not want to talk to her, especially with the fact that he'd been strenuously avoiding her and Harry, she had somewhat hoped that he would talk to her anyway.

"Maquis!" a voice called out from behind her.

She turned around to see Harry bounding up to her.

"Harry," she greeted in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Kes told me that Tom had been released from the Brig and might need someone to talk to. I was on my way to see him, and thought I saw you trailing off."

She shrugged a shoulder. "Yeah, I wanted to talk to Tom, but he…he didn't answer." She sighed. "But you know, whatever, I…" her voice trailed off.

Harry noted the tired look in her eyes and the way she seemed incredibly distracted.

"B'Elanna, what's wrong?" he asked, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Something happened, and I just want to talk to someone. I really wanted to talk to Tom, but…" her voice trailed off again.

"Well, I may be no Tom Paris, but rumour has it that I'm a pretty good dispenser of advice," he informed her. "Why don't we go back to my quarters, and you can talk to me?"

B'Elanna considered this for a moment. Tom would understand the situation better, but he wasn't exactly here. And Harry was Harry. Harbinger of good things. If he couldn't console her, then she doubted there was anyone left who could.

She managed a small smile. "Thanks, Harry."

He placed an arm around her shoulders and led her to his.

***

It had been about a year since the three of them had started hanging out together, and Harry had noted a number of things about B'Elanna since then. One was that B'Elanna had come out of her shell a lot, and was generally a lot more relaxed around him and Tom than she had been at the start. Back then, he knew she had been reluctant to spend time with them, preferring a solitary lifestyle. But slowly they had both drawn her out and got her to the point where going back to that lifestyle would have been abhorrent for her. Another thing he had noted was that B'Elanna was a lot more willing to talk about things. Back then, ask her something that pertained to her personal life, and the chances were she would have slit the person's throat. And while she didn't exactly broadcast her problems, she'd be more likely to say what was wrong if asked. B'Elanna was an incredibly private person, but the walls she had long erected to protect herself were starting to dissolve. She and Tom had that in common. Or had had that in common, in the case of Tom.

Harry listened to B'Elanna telling him about Denara: how the Doctor had practically ordered her to donate her DNA -from her brain no less- and how she had resisted him at every turn, and how she had met the young Vidiian woman and was instantly thrown into conflict.

"When the Doctor asked me to donate my DNA, he acted as if it was as simple as removing a splinter from my finger, and his attitude angered me. _Really _angered me. He had no right to demand that from me, as if I were some kind of toy to be used and discarded! And there was no way I was going to let him do it. But then that woman came in. Harry, she was dignified, compassionate, moral and-,"

"Everything you thought the Vidiians weren't," he finished for her.

"Yes," she agreed. "And I don't know whether it's because she's a woman or because she's been ostracised for most of her life, but she's different from the others. I want to help her, but-,"

"Because of what they did to you and Durst, you don't want to help them."

She nodded, glad that he understood her. She edged closer to him on the couch they were both sitting on.

"Harry, the Vidiians scare me," she told him honestly.

Harry looked at B'Elanna and noted the vulnerability in her eyes.

"I thought Klingons don't feel fear," he said in attempt to inject humour in the situation, although he wasn't feeling particularly humorous right now.

"This Klingon does," she whispered.

"It's okay B'Elanna. I don't judge you for it. And nobody else does either. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the exact same way."

B'Elanna attempted to smile. "Thanks, Harry." She frowned. "But this feeling…it's inexplicable, and completely irrational. Just the thought of Vidiians looking for us, looking for new donors, paralyses me with fear. I thought I had overcome the nightmares, but I still have them occasionally. I should be over the Vidiians by now and should by no means let this…feeling conquer me."

"You're not a Vulcan, B'Elanna. You don't have full reign of your emotions. You experienced something traumatic and it doesn't matter if you're half-Klingon, fully Klingon or…a lizard. It's not something you can forget easily."

She quirked an eyebrow. "A lizard?"

"Purely speculative of course."

She nodded. "I hate feeling like this," she muttered.

Harry grinned. "I guess that means you hate feeling human."

B'Elanna laughed. There was irony there somewhere.

She closed her eyes for a moment and a familiar voice spoke in her head. _Courage doesn't mean that you don't have fear. It means that you've learned to overcome it_.

Tom's words. It had seemed like so long ago that she heard him speak those words. She'd barely known him then. Right now, she felt like she barely knew him at all. But there was logic in his words.

"I have to learn how to overcome this," she declared.

Harry nodded, approval gleaming in his eyes. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to prove to myself that not all Vidiians are enemies. I'm going to do this. I'm going to give Denara my DNA."

"That sounds like a good choice, Maquis."

"Thanks, Starfleet."

"Come on. I'll walk you to Sickbay."

***

Tom started picking up the broken pieces on the floor, trying to get his quarters back in order. _Just two more days, _he thought. _Two more days and I'll be off of this ship. _He just wished that he could spend his last few days onboard or alive, whichever it was to be, with his friends and not cooped up feeling incredibly sorry for himself.

Wherever B'Elanna was and whatever had been upsetting her, he hoped she was okay. Even better, he hoped that she had Harry cheering her up. If there ever was a guy who knew how to cheer someone up, it was Harry.

***

Harry and B'Elanna stood outside Sickbay.

"This is my stop," B'Elanna informed him, and Harry observed her hands twisting together, something she tended to do when she was nervous.

"Good luck, Maquis. And just remember: having a drill plunged through your skull and into your brain is totally painless."

"Yeah, if you don't have a brain, maybe."

"Lucky for me I guess. But lucky for you, medicine has created this wonderful thing called drugs, so the only painful thing you might have to endure is the Doctor's bedside manner."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes at him, and cast a glance at the Sickbay doors. "What if I'm contributing to something I shouldn't be, Harry? Like the robot incident? What if I'm opening a box that shouldn't be open, and being the creator of all that, I unleash something that should have stayed boxed in?"

Harry answered with a simple, "What if you aren't?" He squeezed her hand. "You could be the very reason for the Vidiians to stop doing what they're doing, and focus on other methods. You can give them hope. Have faith in yourself, B'Elanna Torres."

She frowned. "I don't know why you keep addressing me like that."

"B'Elanna Torres has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

She gave him a look.

Harry sighed, and outstretched his arms. "Okay, come here."

She looked at his arms. "What are you doing?"

"Come here," he said again.

B'Elanna reluctantly stepped closer to him, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"This is called a hug," he told her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Really, Harry? I never knew," she murmured sarcastically, hesitantly leaning into him.

After briefly holding her tight, he let go of her.

"What was that for?" she asked.

"That was a hug to make you feel better. That's what they're for, you know."

"And there I was thinking people only gave them post-coitus."

Harry grinned. "Maybe next time. Anyway, I have to go but I'm sure it'll go fine. Let me know when you're done and I'll come and get you."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, Harry Kim."

"Anytime, B'Elanna Torres. And for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing."


	21. Chapter 21

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty One**

Many thanks to Pepper for the beta. References and lines from Investigations.

***

"_Wait and please stay. I hope that you will find your way. Please wait and just stay, I hope there will be better days,"- _Elisa, Stay.

***

It was with a mixture of trepidation and relief that Tom began to pack his belongings in a duffel bag. The photo of his friends that he killed went into the sealed compartment, as did the photo of him, Harry, and B'Elanna. Next were his clothes and the bare essentials that he might need. Everything else he'd leave behind.

His door bell chimed, and he sighed. Company was the last thing he needed right now.

"Come in," he called in.

The figure of Neelix stepped through.

"Neelix," he greeted, surprised by his presence. "How's it going?" He noticed the sombre look on his face. "Not good it looks like. What's wrong?"

Neelix stood there for a moment, shuffling his feet. "I hear you're leaving the ship."

Tom's eyebrows shot up. He didn't expect anyone to know. "Good news travels fast I guess," he mused. He quickly tried to come up with an explanation. He hadn't even considered coming up with something to say if asked why he was leaving. "Yeah, I figured there was more room for advancement on a Talaxian convoy than there was on the only Starfleet ship in the Quadrant." That was a load of crap and he knew it. He had no intentions of 'advancing' in Starfleet. He was Chief Helmsman and a senior staff member- he didn't want any more advancement!

Neelix looked confused. "When did you make this decision?"

"Truthfully? About a minute and a half after I set foot on this ship a year ago." Another lie. In fact, he had made the opposite decision; choosing to try and conform to Starfleet and be somebody worthwhile. He hadn't regretted that decision for one moment. "I knew it was a mistake to try and fit into Starfleet again and I should have listened to myself. A few more months in that rehab colony would have been a hell of a lot better than being here."

Neelix clasped his hands together. "Tom, I know you and I have had our differences, but I thought we'd put those behind us."

Tom put down the shirt he was about to put in his bag and looked at Neelix. Since the incident when he and Neelix were stranded looking after the baby reptile-looking alien -what was it with his affinity for reptiles?-, him and Neelix had become a lot closer. Before, Neelix was overly jealous of his close relationship with Kes, even wrongly accusing him of having feelings for her. Neelix also had fallen into the category of people who were distrusting of him, falling for the cocky attitude he had projected. However, the two of them had bonded over nurturing the baby alien and had been firm friends ever since.

"Neelix, no," he answered him honestly. "This isn't about anyone except me. I've done this to me, like always. No matter where I go, or who I'm with, I make a mess of things. The unmistakeable conclusion is that deep down I don't want friends, or a family or a home, otherwise I wouldn't keep sabotaging the possibilities."

One more lie. Here on Voyager, his friends were his family, and his 'family' his home, and so far he'd tried to ensure that this time, he didn't make a mess of things.

Neelix gave him a look of deep sadness. "I thought you'd found these things here."

Neelix had never been more right.

They talked a little bit more- about images and departing. Finally, Neelix bade him goodbye and engulfed him in a hug he hadn't been expecting. Tom hugged him back tightly; truly sorry to be leaving his friends like this.

***

Just as he was exiting his quarters, he bumped into B'Elanna.

"Tom!" she cried, evidently out of breath, as if she had run to see him.

"B'Elanna!" he cried back, in surprise. After Neelix, he was hoping he wouldn't run into anymore friends. Really hoping.

"I heard-," she broke off what she was about to say and looked down at his outfit. "What are you wearing?" she demanded.

He looked down at the oversized puce green pattered top and over-sized brown trousers he was wearing.

"What do you mean?" he asked with a frown. He didn't think he looked that bad.

_That has to be the ugliest thing I've ever seen him wear, _she thought.

"I er…nothing," she said distractedly. She tried to compose herself. "I just wanted to know whether it was true."

"Is what true?"

"That you're leaving Voyager?"

He sighed, and leaned against his door frame. "Yeah, it's true."

B'Elanna frowned. "I don't understand. Why, Tom?"

He really didn't want to get into this conversation, especially after talking similarly to Neelix.

"Look at me, B'Elanna. We both know that someone like me doesn't belong on a ship like this. Let's face it; I fight with more crewmen than any other person onboard. And I can't abide to Starfleet's stringent rules anymore. It's time to face the facts: I don't belong here and never did."

"But you love it here! Remember? You love flying the ship and the thrill it gives you. You love your position as a senior officer. You love building holo-deck programs. You love hanging out in Sandrine's. You love the danger and the excitement being a member of Voyager gives you. Doesn't any of that mean anything to you?"

_It means everything! _He screamed inside. "It's not enough anymore," he said shortly.

"Then what about Harry and me? Don't we count for something? And what about Kes? Or Neelix? Aren't they reason to stay?"

"You guys mean everything to me! But, B'Elanna, if I stay, I'm only going to get worse. The way I've been acting recently, is just a minor symptom of all that, and if I don't leave then there's no knowing what my behaviour is going to be like. And I can't let you see that."

"I could help you!" she cried. "Whatever the reason is you're feeling all these things, maybe I can help. I don't want you to go, Tom," she said with despair.

"Believe me, B'Elanna, I wish there was another way." He looked down at the ground, then back up at her. "Anyway, I better get going. Take care, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna watched him as he started walking off. _That's it? _She thought. _After all we've been through together, it ends with an odd explanation and 'take care'?_

With each footstep, he took a step into disappearing from her life forever. Her heart started racing. Not too long ago, she thought she had let him go without ever letting him know how she felt, and with every step he took, the chance to tell him again was slipping away. She never thought she'd have the courage to tell him, but the chance that he might stay if she told him, outweighed the fear of what would happen if she did tell him.

She didn't have time to think about what she was going to say. Words came to her mind, and she just spoke.

"You're the only one who sees me for who I really am," she said, her voice clear as she watched his retreating form.

Tom stopped in his tracks, and slowly turned around. "What?"

"When we first started becoming friends, you said that I should be more open. I've never been so open with anyone my entire life," she implored, and started fidgeting with her hands when she realized that she had his full attention. "I mean Harry understands me, and so does Chakotay. But you… you really see me. You know who I am, both Klingon and human, and you accept every bit of me. You always know the right words…and the right thing to do…you get me…and I care for you. Tom, I don't want you to go. Please? Please stay?"

He came a few steps closer to her, and she could see turmoil in his eyes.

"B'Elanna, you have no idea how much I'd give anything to stay here. With you. With Harry. With everybody. But I can't."

"But _why_?"

He shook his head, and she could see moisture in his eyes. Tears?

"It's not my choice to make," he answered, distraught.

"I don't get it," she said, frustration evident in her voice.

He closed his eyes and scrunched his face momentarily.

"I know it seems I'm being selfish by leaving. But one day, B'Elanna, you'll understand why I had to leave, and then you'll see how much I wanted to stay behind. And you'll know that I did it because I care for you, too."

He stepped closer to her, and brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face. He leant in and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Goodbye, B'Elanna. I'm not sure if I'll ever see you again, but I hope so."

And before she could even react- to grab hold of him to stop him from going or hitting him for trying to leave- he was gone. She'd opened up to him- though not completely-, but it wasn't enough to make him stay.

It wasn't until he was out of sight did she realize that by leaving, he was breaking his promise to her.

***

It was with a heavy heart that Tom set off to the Transporter Room. The words B'Elanna spoke swirled around in his mind, and he repeated them over and over again, transcribing them to his soul, knowing that he may never have a chance to speak to her again. Though his feelings towards B'Elanna were unclear at best, he still cared for her, and whether that was as a friend or something more, he'd wished he'd given himself the opportunity to find out while he had time.

_You're the only one who sees me for who I really am. _

That particular phrase and the clear-cut, honest way she had spoken it was on constant refrain in his mind. Despite all the uncertainty, more than anything, he wished that he had told her that he thought the very same of her.

***

A/N: The line "You're the only one who sees me for who I really am," was inspired from the scene in Scrubs (of all things) where the Janitor says to Elliott: "You're the only one who treats me like a real person." That concept pretty much was the basis of me writing this story.


	22. Chapter 22

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Two**

A/N: Thanks to Pepper for the beta. This chapter was quite hard to write, but hopefully I got it right. References and lines from Investigations.

***

"_Ooh, you see that skin? It's the same she's been standing in, since the day she saw him walking away. Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made," _John Mayer, Daughters.

***

For the third night running, B'Elanna sat on her bed, with her knees drawn up and trying to find comfort in the darkness. The last thing she had expected was for Tom to leave the ship. She thought that he was just going through a phase, and perhaps just needed a bit of time to get past it. But to consciously decide that Voyager wasn't for him anymore? She felt like they'd played a game of Parrises Squares, but instead of taking a few steps forward, they'd taken quite a few back.

"_You know, I made a promise when we came back from the mines," _his voice resounded clearly in her head, and as she closed her eyes, her mind brought her back to a day that seemed so long ago.

_She'd given him a sceptical look. "What kind of promise?"_

"_That I'd try and keep you safe, so you never get hurt like that again."_

She didn't feel very safe right now. She felt like she was five-years-old again, and her father had just left her. Her five-year-old self sat beside her on the bed; the two of them trying so desperately to grasp hold of the situation, and battle through a tide of confusion and betrayal; both of them wondering why the men they had both loved had walked out on them.

The same thought played over and over again in both of their heads: _why wasn't I enough for him to want to stay?_

***

He lay across the top bunk; the length too short for his tall frame. Below him, a Talaxian slept, snoring quite loudly. His new 'home' wasn't exactly luxury, but he'd seen worse.

He was glad that everything was set in motion, and now he could actually start _doing_ instead of thinking. Tom only hoped that he was able to make it back to find out who the spy was, if only so he could beat the crap out of him -and Tom was sure it was a 'he'- for endangering them all like this.

***

B'Elanna was sick at looking at the warp-core. The colour it was currently emitting didn't even remotely resemble the eye colour of a certain recently departed lieutenant, but it didn't stop her making the comparison.

"I haven't seen you do this in a while," a voice beside her. She turned to find Joe standing next to her, both of them with a front-seat view of the warp core.

"Yeah," she mused. "It's been a while."

"Thinking about the warp core again?"

B'Elanna let out a soft sigh. "Just thinking about how temperamental it can be, and how I can't seem to figure it out."

"Well, you know what warp cores are like. And let's face it; we've all seen a lot of warp cores. They maybe hard to handle, but they're worth having. And every good engineer knows that no warp core worth having comes easily."

B'Elanna had to grin at his cheesy logic. "What if that warp core doesn't give you the chance to find out?"

"Then you just have to give it time and see what happens. With warp cores, anything is possible."

"I guess so," she said with a wry smile. "Anyway, I'm sorry, I should be working..."

"B'Elanna, please. You're the most efficient engineer I know. I bet you're even doing a warp-core analysis just by looking at it. The offer of needing a bit of time to 'think about the warp core' still stands, you know."

B'Elanna gave a small laugh. "Why do I get the feeling you're just trying to get me out of Engineering so you can secretly take over?"

"Oh, B'Elanna, you know that I'm a lot less subtle than that."

B'Elanna's combadge beeped.

"Lieutenant Torres, please report to briefing room for a senior meeting," came the Captain's voice.

B'Elanna sighed again. "Well, lieutenant, I guess Engineering is yours," she told him as she began to make a move for the exit. "I want no trouble in here, okay?"

"What was that?" Joe said with innocence. "You want me to throw a party in here and graffiti the walls?"

She shook her finger at him, and with a laugh he waved her off.

***

Tom gazed at his new surroundings. Compared to this, the Talaxian convoy looked like a luxury space cruise ship liner. But then, the Kazon Nistrim weren't exactly known for their impressive decor.

Tom emitted a sigh, and sunk down on the ground. He'd only been on the convoy a couple of days, and the Kazon had swept in pretty swiftly to get him. He was surprised, but glad that things were progressing at such a rapid pace. Maybe he'd be back on Voyager within a day. But the sinking feeling in his stomach told him that things weren't looking good.

This was affirmed for him when the doors opened to reveal Seska.

His heart sunk.

He had never trusted Seska, not even in the Maquis. Back then, he had observed her perpetual jealousy, especially over B'Elanna. Seska had hated how Chakotay's attentions had been diverted to B'Elanna, but she wasn't to know that it was more out of protection. After all, B'Elanna had been the youngest one onboard at that time, and Chakotay's concern for her was hard to miss. Tom had suspected that B'Elanna's own feelings towards Chakotay were more along the lines of adoration. To what level she adored him, he had no idea.

Seska sauntered in.

"Hello, Tom," she said with a smirk.

Tom straightened up and headed towards her.

"Hello, Seska." He made sure that the smirk on his face was enough to rival hers. "You're looking radiantly maternal."

The look in her eyes suggested she was up for a verbal sparring, and Tom was sure as hell going to give her one.

***

B'Elanna took her usual spot next to Harry. Her gaze kept going over to the spot Tom usually sat in, expecting him to somehow magically appear.

She couldn't pay attention to a word the Captain was saying. Something about being aware that there was an increase in engine core temperature. She could have been speaking gibberish for all she knew.

Harry was obviously feeling just as unsettled as she was. She could see his despair as he tried to clutch straws, hoping that Janeway would hold open Tom's position.

B'Elanna's combadge beeped.

"Engineering to Torres."

She touched her badge.

"Go ahead."

"Carey here. We have a problem that I need your help on. The magnetic constrictors have lost alignment and the plasma stream is way too hot. You better come down here."

"On my way."

B'Elanna gave a sigh and headed out, with Neelix deciding to tag along with her.

***

"I leave you alone for ten minutes…" she said to Joe, with a mock stern look, as Neelix stared on in awe of her department.

He held his hands up in the air. "Hey, don't look at me. I was busy organising the party in the office. Jonas is the one who noticed it," he said, gesturing to the young man.

"It's gotten worse," Michael informed her. "I can't get the injector valves closed. Anti-matter is starting to seep into the warp core."

"Have you tried adjusting the power transfer conduits?" she asked as she and Joe walked up to him.

"Yes," he replied. "No effect."

"We have to try and contain the reaction in the core," Joe added, growing frustrated.

Seconds later, the warning alarms started going off.

B'Elanna and Joe exchanged glances, knowing that the outcome of this could only be very bad.

A minute later and their warp core coils were damaged.

It was definitely going to be a long day.

***

Damaged warp core coils and now this?

B'Elanna and the rest of the crew stared at the screen in shock.

The Kazon Nistrim had kidnapped Tom.

It was an unexpected twist in the series of disasters that seemed to be occurring.

What did it all mean? There was something suspect about the Kazon taking Tom. It was almost if they knew he had left Voyager…

Whatever the reason, B'Elanna couldn't help feeling scared for Tom's safety. He would have been safe with the rest of the Talaxians, but not with the Kazon. The Kazon weren't exactly in the habit of kidnapping men so they could enjoy tea together.

And just like that, the chances of Tom ever coming back to Voyager collapsed significantly.

_Oh Tom, why couldn't you have stayed right where you were?_

***

Becoming a pilot for the Kazon wasn't exactly top on his list of priorities. In fact, Tom was pretty sure that he'd rather eat Neelix's leola root than fly a ship for them.

He was glad when Seska left, and immediately felt sorry for an unsuspecting Chakotay. Yet somehow, her falling pregnant and using that as a way to manipulate the Commanding Officer, didn't exactly surprise him.

As soon as she had disappeared, Tom darted over to one of the control panels. It was foolish of her to leave him in a room unsupervised, but it would be more foolish of Tom to think they weren't monitoring his actions. However, that wasn't going to stop him conducting a few investigations of his own.

***

For the second time that day, B'Elanna stared in shock at information being relayed on a screen.

Was Neelix right? Had Tom in fact been conveying information to the Kazon? Wouldn't that make him a spy?

She couldn't quite believe the news. She _knew _Tom. Tom would never sell himself out like that. Or would he? Doubt clouded her mind. There was so much she still had yet to learn about Tom, but she never foresaw a dark side like this to him. But maybe that was the point.

B'Elanna felt a cold shiver rush through her.

All of a sudden she didn't feel like she knew Tom at all.

***

Michael Jonas was the spy? That bastard!

Tom stared at the screen, slightly shocked at this revelation. Of all the people that could have been a spy, he hadn't expected Jonas. Granted, they didn't exactly know each other well, but he had always come across as the prissy type and someone who was more likely to go running to the Captain when someone did something wrong, not the complete opposite.

At that moment, Seska and two of her crony Kazon sidekicks came barging in, just as he was getting to the good part.

_Oh crap, _he thought. She'd caught him out sooner than he expected.

"Well Tom, it's always good to have ones instincts verified."

Tom faced her with a defiant look. "Clever plan, Seska, leading Voyager into an ambush. But even so, this ship will be outmanned and outgunned." At least, he was fairly sure anyway.

"That's why we have ground troops on Hemikek," she replied, a little too smugly for her own good. "And more ships on the way."

_Crap, _he thought again.

"Now, don't you wish you'd taken my offer?"

"Seska, I'd rather eat poison," he informed her, before the device he planted on the console exploded.

In the midst of confusion, he tackled the two Kazon and made his escape.

Just as he was leaving, he couldn't help but turn around and retort, "Thanks for the hospitality!" And then legged it.

***

B'Elanna sat in Sickbay, waiting for the Doctor to heal a hand laceration she had procured; the thoughts in her head a jumble of confusion.

Harry had rushed into Engineering to inform her that Tom had made contact with Voyager. He had sent a frantic message, urging the Captain not to land on the planet, warning of an ambush. The two of them had looked at each other in bewilderment. Why was Tom telling the Captain that, and why had the Captain acted like she wasn't the least bit surprised by him?

The news had made B'Elanna cut her hand by accident. Maybe Tom wasn't a spy, and Neelix had got it all wrong! Hope began to dwell in her.

Her eyes drifted down to her cut hand and she'd left to get it sorted. Joe had already ended his shift, but she hoped that Jonas would be okay in charge for a while.

Kes came up to her, and B'Elanna managed a small smile.

"Hello, B'Elanna, how are you?" Kes asked.

"I'll be better when this hand is fixed," she replied.

"The Doctor will be ready in a few minutes. He's just finishing with the others." Kes hesitated. "Has Voyager heard from Tom?"

B'Elanna didn't say anything for a moment. "Apparently, Tom got in contact with Voyager, not too long ago. His message was frantic, but he seems to think we're heading in danger. It made it seem-,"

"Like he wasn't the spy," Kes finished. "Neelix believes the spy is still onboard, and he's trying to figure it out."

B'Elanna thought of Neelix donning his investigative hat, and smiled at the thought of his insistence.

B'Elanna focused her gaze on Kes' face. There was something about her expression that called for attention...

"Kes, what is it?"

Kes hesitated again. "I believe that Tom has been acting the way he has the last two months because the Captain ordered him to."

B'Elanna's eyes widened. "He _told _you this?"

"Not exactly... when he was in the Brig, he said some things I don't think he meant to, but I got the impression that he was given a mission that he was having trouble handling."

Ever so quietly B'Elanna answered, "He never let me in on it."

The two women locked gazes; Kes' reflecting deep sympathy, and B'Elanna's reflecting immense confusion.

***

Although he had already informed the Captain of who the spy onboard was, Tom had no doubt in his mind that Jonas would go to all means necessary to lead Voyager into the hands of the Kazon. Given that Jonas worked in Engineering, it seemed logical to assume that was the place he would use to orchestrate his damage. It didn't take long for his brain to click that Engineering was the place B'Elanna was most likely to be. Suddenly, getting back to Voyager never seemed more important. A hundred scenarios ran through his head: Jonas holding B'Elanna hostage or Jonas going on a killing rage. It didn't matter that his presence probably wouldn't make a difference- he was determined to find a way to stop him.

Frantically, he flew the shuttle, struggling under fire from the Kazon ship. But this wasn't the first time Tom had flown a ship in such perilous conditions. After everything he'd been through, after all he endured, there was no way he was going to lose now, not when he was so close to finishing. Truth be told, he never thought he'd make it this far back, and he'd be damned if he didn't make it all the way through.

The thought of getting back to ensure B'Elanna's safety was the last thing he thought about before his head was knocked against the console and he was rendered unconscious.

***

It really had been a long, confusing day.

For all Joe and B'Elanna's joking about taking over Engineering, Michael Jonas had gone and done just that, almost killing Neelix in the process.

How had she not picked up on the signs? Jonas' near-aggressive behaviour towards Neelix, his jitteriness, anxiety and distracted manner- all the signs suggested that something was wrong. And she didn't even have a clue.

It would be fair to say she herself had been distracted. She'd been worrying about Tom and whether he would ever come back, and then later, whether he really was a spy. To find out that he wasn't a spy was a great relief, but it opened the door to many other problems.

As for Jonas being the spy, well, B'Elanna was just glad that she hadn't been in Engineering when Neelix had figured him out; otherwise it wouldn't have been plasma fire that would have been his cause of death.

Exhausted, B'Elanna let out a tired yawn and decided to go to bed. She fell asleep the moment her head touched her pillow.

***

When Tom opened his eyes, he was greeted by the concern look of Kes. His vision slightly blurry, he tried to focus his gaze.

"Kes," he said weakly, trying to smile. "It's good to see you." And it really was.

Kes smiled back, and reached for his hand. "It's good to see you too, Tom."

He tried to sit up from his position on the biobed, but Kes gently pushed him back down.

"You need to rest, Tom," she admonished gently.

He settled back down. "What happened? Did Tuvok managed to get Jonas? Is B'Elanna okay?"

"Everything's fine, Tom. You passed out on the way here, but Harry managed to beam you out, just in time, too. He came by earlier, and he said he'll come and visit you in the morning. Neelix was the one who figured out about Jonas. He wasn't convinced by you leaving the ship, and went to investigate."

Tom had to smile at that. It sure sounded like Neelix.

"At first, there were implications that you were the spy and Neelix broadcast this information on his morning show, although with great dissatisfaction I might add. Still, he remained uncertain, and that's how he unravelled that it was in fact Jonas. He confronted him in Engineering, although the two of them were the only ones there, and Jonas managed to barricade them in. Neelix knew that Tuvok would have trouble getting hold of Jonas, so Neelix intervened and he...it... well, Jonas ended up dying."

"Oh," he replied, surprised.

"Tom, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Kes."

"When you were in the Brig you mentioned doing something you didn't want to do. Was this it?"

Tom let out a sigh. "Don't get me wrong, for the most part I would do whatever it takes to ensure Voyager's safety. But this...this was hard. The Captain wanted me to lie to everyone, and I hated that, you know? But we had to flush out the spy, and it seemed that this was the only way."

Kes nodded. "You did a good job." She hesitated for a moment. "Tom?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Truthfully? Not really. But I will be."

Kes squeezed his hand reassuringly.

At that moment, the Captain walked into Sickbay, and Kes immediately retreated into the Doctor's office.

"Tom," she greeted gently.

"Captain," he replied.

He suddenly felt really awkward. When he had been communicating with Voyager from his shuttle, his previous feelings of unease towards the Captain had been forgotten. Then, the only thing that mattered was getting back to Voyager. And though he couldn't deny that getting back safely was accompanied with certain euphoria that made him forget the hardships of the mission, he could not easily forget her decision.

"You did a wonderful job, Tom," she told him with beatific smile.

"I'm glad you think so," he replied tersely.

"Everyone is extremely proud of you, myself included. And Neelix is already asking for your presence in tomorrow's morning show."

Tom nodded.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tom, I know this wasn't easy for you. But you should know, sending you on this mission and gambling with your life wasn't easy for me either. And words cannot express how grateful I am for what you did, and for making it back safely."

He looked into her eyes. There was worry there and almost a plea for forgiveness.

But could it ever be that easy?

***

B'Elanna cursed at her computer console.

There, on screen, was Tom talking to Neelix.

_How dare he! _She thought furiously. _How dare he just stroll back onboard as if the last few days were merely a game for him!_

She observed his jokey rapport with Neelix.

_Damn him!_

Typical of Tom to do something like this. Typical of him to confuse everyone with his unclear intentions. Typical of him to all along be doing the honourable thing and playing the hero.

Him not telling her about the mission but letting Kes in on it, whether deliberate or not, hurt like hell. She thought- or rather hoped- that she was close enough to Tom for him to confide anything in her. She frowned. Had Harry been told? She didn't think so. Harry would have given her a sign, surely, and even if he had been told, his confusion seemed genuine enough. If only Tom would have told her, it would have prevented so many wasted feelings: feelings of abandonment- surely he knew how much she hated people leaving her? Feelings of hurt, confusion, disappointment, and betrayal...

They'd all left the moment she realized in Sickbay that there was more to his departure than he had let on. But not the hurt. That lingered like a bad smell in the air.

"_I know it seems I'm being selfish by leaving. But one day, B'Elanna, you'll understand why I had to leave, and then you'll see how much I wanted to stay behind. And you'll know that I did it because I care for you, too."_

His voice sounded in her head like a gentle caress, reminding her that Tom had his reasons for concealing the truth from her, and maybe it hadn't exactly been easy for him.

But the reminder didn't do anything to change how she felt, and she realized that she was mad at him for all of this.

***

It was straight back to work the following day, something that Tom relished. It felt good to be back, to not have to act or lie. And sure, even revealing the truth on Neelix's broadcast had been immensely satisfying. It felt good to be the good guy again, and on the way to the Bridge he was greeted with a slightly higher proportion of smiles than indifference to usual. As he passed Chakotay's chair, he was greeted with a scowl. Okay, maybe he shouldn't have made that comment about him, but he didn't want Chakotay to think Tom was growing soft. Still, maybe he'd better apologize at some point anyway.

Tom's first day on the Bridge passed with little event. Harry was ecstatic to have him back, but not nearly as much as Tom was to see him. When the Captain and the Commanding Officer stepped out, they made a point of throwing things at each other; their way of welcoming each other back.

One thing Tom did notice was the cool attitude of Chakotay to Janeway. Tom had been right: Chakotay was going to find it hard to accept Kathryn's betrayal. But no doubt she'd work at changing that soon enough.

When his shift finally drew to an end, Tom joined Harry for dinner in his quarters. It felt good to be doing this again and not brooding in his room. By an unspoken agreement, the two of them did not mention his mission; that was a topic for another day. Instead, it was beer, pizza, and small talk.

Eventually, Tom asked whether B'Elanna would be joining them, and Harry informed him that she would later.

When Harry's doorbell chimed, Tom found that he was nervous about finally seeing B'Elanna. He knew that Harry would accept him without question; B'Elanna on the other hand was a different story.

She walked in, looking exhausted after trying to get Engineering back in order. She didn't seem surprised to see him, but nor was she jumping with joy.

He walked up to her, and instantly she eyed him.

"Hello, B'Elanna," he greeted.

Immediately, B'Elanna's eyes blazed with an intense fire, something that told Tom wasn't a good sign.

With no time to fathom why she seemed so angry, her fist came crashing into his face, and for the second time in two days, Tom fell to the floor.


	23. Chapter 23

**Look After You Chapter Twenty-Three**

This deliberately depressing chapter was written whilst listening to For Blue Skies by Strays Don't Sleep and My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, on repeat :D Based on the episode Deadlock, with a couple of lines from an extremely pivotal P/T episode. Thanks to Pepper for the beta.

***

_As strong as you were, tender you go. I'm watching you breathing, for the last time. A song for your heart, but when it is quiet, I know what it means, and I'll carry you home," James Blunt, Carry You Home_

***

"So, I take it B'Elanna's mad at me," Tom said the next evening as he and Harry sat in Sandrine's.

"That's an understatement," Harry replied. "But if it's any consolation, you're only the second person she's ever got so angry at that she broke their jaw. Onboard anyway."

Tom thought about this. "It's not," he decided. He took a sip of his beer. "Harry, you know that if I could have told you both, I would have, right?"

Harry shrugged. "Truth be told, Tom, I don't really understand any of this. You were given this mission, right? In order to flush out the spy. The Captain ordered you to act in a certain way, in order to make people think you were unhappy, and that meant isolating yourself from the rest of us. But you never told us..."

"I was ordered not to, Har. I wanted to tell you guys-you have no idea how much. In fact, so many times I came close to it."

Harry nodded, and then frowned. "You had to do this for two months? That's a long time to keep something like that up. It must have been awful."

"Now _that's _an understatement."

"I got to say, Tom, I admire you. I don't think I could have handled that kind of pressure."

"I have no idea how I got through it. I'm just sorry you had to see me like that."

"Hey, at least I still believed in you, right? Besides, I was there when you played one of those computer games for two days straight and became borderline psychotic. There's no side of you that surprises me anymore."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Probably best if you don't test that theory."

Tom grinned. "So, do you think that B'Elanna will stop being mad at me anytime soon?"

"I don't know, Tom. She's pretty angry. It's probably best if you give her some space, and let her come round in her own time."

"I guess you're right." Tom let out a sigh. "But I hate being the cause of her anger."

***

When Tom first met B'Elanna, she didn't even so much as blink at any of the passes he made at her. In fact, the passes seemed to rile her up, and Tom enjoyed aggravating her, just so he could get a response from her. Her rejection piqued his interest; in the many women he had pursued following the death of Odile- and there had been many- never had he met a woman who was as unyielding as B'Elanna was. He'd fantasised about getting her into bed, and if he'd stumbled across her in a bar, he sure would have worked to achieve that goal. However, he hadn't been in a bar; he'd been under Chakotay's rule, and Tom wasn't going to do anything more than piss off everyone onboard. Tom also couldn't deny that running parallel with his attraction to B'Elanna, was the need for her respect. The disrespect and low expectations shining in her eyes, was almost another challenge on its own. But Tom had a facade to maintain, and letting his shield down to let someone in was not part of the plan. He'd almost been tempted to change his mind when he saved her. The vulnerable and somewhat child-like look she'd given him after she regained consciousness, had made his heart clench, and for a man who had gone for so long without feeling anything but numbness, that had been a revelation. Before he could get the chance to act upon it, he'd been captured by Starfleet on his first Maquis mission, never getting the opportunity to tell her that he had gone to get help for her.

His time in prison gave him time to quell these feelings, believing that he would meet B'Elanna again. Seven months later, the Captain had come to him, offering him the chance to change his life, and feeling like a caged bird that hadn't been able to fly in so long, he'd taken it. Meeting B'Elanna had been a surprise, but immediately he treated her differently. He needed to prove to her that he wasn't the person she'd previously met, and he had treated her with nothing but respect. There was no riling, no jokingly telling her how to do her job, and certainly no flirting. He wanted her to see him the way he saw her: driven, focused and brilliant. Her calling him a pig had ruffled his feathers, so to speak, and he'd realized he still had a long way to go. Though he had suppressed all desires for her, that need for her to respect him had been incredibly important. Even now, her opinion of him was valued, and he hated her feeling this way towards him.

B'Elanna's behaviour wasn't unexpected, and he knew that he had to make it up to her. At first, he'd given her space, and after a week, he tried to talk to her. She'd rebuffed him, of course -B'Elanna could be incredibly stubborn when she chose to be. When he had realized that near-ambushes weren't going to work, he attempted to be cordial. He'd come up to her and say hello and tried to attempt small talk. Initially, she hadn't responded, but he kept trying. Finally, she had acquiesced, and had begun to respond back. They'd got to the point where she'd allow him in her company, and though she only muttered a string of sentences, he settled for that. He knew that he had to build things up slowly. When they got to the stage where she'd finally feel comfortable with him, he'd properly explain himself and apologize, as he knew that she wouldn't accept anything if it was too soon.

***

It had been almost four weeks since Tom had returned from his mission, and he found that he fitted back in seamlessly, with the time flying by. Jobs on Voyager had occupied his time, and there was always something to do, so he was glad that no distractions came on the most anticipated day of the year: Ensign Wildman's due date.

Sam had been waddling around Voyager for the last few weeks, and Tom had actually been concerned that at any moment she would burst. Luckily, that hadn't been the case, but Sam was starting to get tired of everyone's over-concern for her, and had almost decked Ayala the other day for being too protective. But then, Sam did carry the honour of being the first person to have a baby onboard, and it had been a long time since the crew had encountered anything that resembled a child. Apart from himself, of course. Oh, and the Captain. And now that Sam had been wandering around like she was going to pop at any moment, the crew had been eagerly waiting with baited breath. Tom, too, found himself waiting with anticipation. He was not in anyway the type to coo over babies, but he was looking forward to this. He'd never really watched a woman go through the stages of pregnancy, having either been too drunk in a random bar or in prison when his oldest sister had given birth to her two children, so it would be nice to see the end result that came from carrying a baby for so long.

Tom stretched out his arms as he sat languidly from his position at the conn, and let out a frustrated sigh.

"This is ridiculous!" he cried. "How long does it take to deliver a baby?"

"As long as it takes, Mr Paris," the Captain had replied rather shrewdly.

He sighed again, glad that he was neither a pregnant woman nor an expectant father. This waiting thing wasn't exactly fun. He tuned out the conversation of the others as he thought about babies, and that line of thought had drifted to his niece and nephew, whom he never gave the chance to know. Maybe if they ever returned back home, he'd try to make amends with his family, and get to know the children. He wouldn't be the greatest uncle, that he knew, but he could be the coolest...

Tuvok's voice brought him back to the Delta Quadrant.

"Captain, long range sensors are detecting heavy subspace communications ahead."

"All stop," the Captain commanded. "Ships?"

"Twenty. I'm also detecting a G-type star system with two inhabited planets. Life signs: Vidiian."

Tom's heart went cold at the mention of Vidiians.

"Sounds like we're heading right into their territory," Chakotay mused.

"And I'm in no mood to donate any organs today. Options, Mr Paris?"

Tom leapt up into a sitting position. "There's a large plasma drift bearing 4-0-mark-7," he reported. "It extends to almost half the length of this sector. Interference from the plasma should block us from their sensors."

"Lay in a course for full impulse," Janeway instructed.

***

The day begun to unfold like a wall crumbling down. It was as if they had no grasp of the situation and everything was beyond their control.

In Engineering, B'Elanna was having trouble trying to keep on top of things. First: the ship had lost its main power, and her team were struggling to compensate. Second: their anti-matter supply was being drained at a rapid rate, and she had no clue as to why.

As a way to cope, the Captain had suggested firing proton bursts at the warp core. But before they even had the chance to do so, they themselves were struck by proton bursts, sending Voyager into chaos.

***

Harry looked around him; the beeping of alarms and flashing lights bought a dire warning. He felt his heart beating at a rapid rate and knew there would be more bad things to come. He knew that the ship had been through a lot, far more than the average Starfleet ship in the Alpha Quadrant could ever expect to encounter. But they had never been in such a perilous situation before, with a fleet of Vidiians out of reach and unexpected proton bursts rendering the ship defenceless.

He watched as the Captain struggled to give orders, and tried to find his voice.

"Captain," he called out, and watched as she slowly came over. "I've been working on a way to enhance our portable force field generators. It might be enough to seal that breach."

She'd looked at him as if he was a godsend, and Harry momentarily felt proud.

When things went from bad to worse, the fear would come later.

***

Kes watched in horror as the birth of Samantha Wildman's baby went terribly wrong. It should have been a relatively simple procedure. The baby's exo-cranial ridges getting lodged in Sam's uterine wall had been a hiccup, but was something that could be rectified. The Doctor had instructed using a fetal transporter, which initially had been successful. But then Voyager had been struck and they had lost power. It was terribly ironic situation; had it been a normal day on Voyager, there would have been no resulting problems. But the one day they needed a normal day, disaster had descended. Kes and the Doctor had battled to maintain the baby's health, but she succumbed to hemocythemia and died.

There were no words that Kes could say to Sam to make her feel better. Sam had carried the baby for over a year, and it had been the one constant reminder of the husband so far away. Today should have been the greatest day of her life, and a cause for celebration. But instead, Sam sat in shock, so desperately trying to grasp hold of the situation. In an instant, Sam had lost not only her baby, but the very reason to keep on going.

There was no way to stop the pain; no way to turn back time.

The day everyone had been looking forward to for so long was quickly becoming the worst day on Voyager, and Kes feared it might even be their last.

***

Numbly, B'Elanna followed Harry along the Jeffries Tube. She really hoped that Harry's plan worked, but honestly, she had no idea if it would.

"Here it is, the breach is directly below us," Harry informed her, as he stepped down the ladder.

"Make it fast, Harry. Torres to Hogan, what's your status?"

"Almost got it, lieutenant," his voice reported. "I'm re-routing all power in this section to your-,"

There was a sound of an explosion, a sound which B'Elanna really didn't like.

"Torres to Hogan. Are you there?"

"I'm hurt," he replied.

B'Elanna sighed in frustration. Why was nothing going right today? "Harry, we need to help him," she called down to him.

"Just give me a minute," he called back.

She looked on nervously. There was something so very wrong about this situation, and she would have preferred it if Harry had not chosen to try out this risky procedure.

"The breach is widening," she warned him. "Let's get out of here."

No response. B'Elanna started to get edgy.

"Damn it, Harry! Let's go."

In that patient voice of his, he replied back, "Hold on, my minute isn't up yet."

She could only watch in horror as the panel beneath Harry collapsed and he fell through. He managed to grab hold of a ladder rung, but he was struggling to hold on.

Desperately, she stepped down the ladder rung. "Harry, grab my hand!" she cried out to him.

With tremendous effort, he reached out for her hand, and for a fleeting moment she thought she had him. Trying to garner the strength to bring him back up, his grip on hers suddenly loosened, and just like that he fell through.

"Harry!" she screamed, as she watched him fall, a look of pure terror etched on his face.

She couldn't get him back, had no way of helping him.

There was no way he could have survived the fall.

B'Elanna gave out a choked sob.

Harry had just fallen through the breach.

Harry had just died.

And she hadn't been able to stop him.

***

Tom's gaze was fixated on B'Elanna, as she, the Captain, Harry and Chakotay talked.

"So I ran a multi-spectral analysis on the sub-space turbulence. It was more than just turbulence, it was some kind of divergence field and the moment we passed through it all of our sensor readings doubled! Mass, energy output, bio-signatures - everything. Every single particle of matter seems to have been duplicated in that instant."

At this moment, B'Elanna risked a glance at Tom, who had been listening with rapt attention from his position at conn. Their gazes locked, and B'Elanna couldn't help but smile at the awed look on his face. It was a pretty fascinating concept; two Voyagers existing at precisely the same moment and the same place. Somewhere out there, there was another Tom and B'Elanna. She had to admit, she hadn't been able to think of anything crazier.

***

Kes couldn't look at this Sam and her baby, without the terrible flashbacks of the other baby dying. She didn't really understand the situation and how there were two Voyagers. And though seeing a healthy mother and daughter was a lovely feeling, in a way it was a cruel taunt of everything that had gone wrong on her own ship. She didn't belong here, on this ship with their perfect outcome, and seeing how things could have been, she didn't think she could go back to her Voyager and ever properly adjust.

***

B'Elanna was broken and beaten, and mentally and physically drained. She was covered in dirt and her clothes were in tatters, and she felt so tired that she could cry. There was a numbness within her that she didn't have time to identify. All she could focus on was getting Voyager back on track.

Tom was in Engineering too, trying to help out where he could, seeing as he couldn't exactly fly the ship. Every now and then, the two would exchange glances, each trying to find some kind of consolation and found none.

A screeching noise brought her back to reality.

It seemed like someone was trying to contact them, and B'Elanna frantically tried to adjust the modulating frequencies.

What resulted, stunned the surrounding crew into silence.

"Captain, this isn't an illusion," began the voice - of another Captain Janeway. "What you are seeing is real, but is going to take some explaining..."

B'Elanna watched as the other Captain came onboard. It was a strange experience seeing two Janeways, but it seemed completely natural.

B'Elanna wasn't stupid. She knew that the two Voyagers were draining their anti-matter supply, and that they didn't have a lot of options to consider. It seemed logical to assume that for either of them to have a chance; one of them had to go. And theirs was the ship that was weakest.

***

It was weird seeing another version of himself.

Tom watched from his position at the conn., the other Tom Paris working in the background of Engineering. This Tom was a lot scruffier than he preferred himself to be, and looked like he had been dragged through hell and back.

"Captain, we've got a perimeter alert. A vessel is approaching bearing 0-0-5-mark-3-1-8. They've just dropped out of warp," came his counterpart's voice. Tom winced. Did he really sound like that? In his head, his voice was always more low-pitched. However, he did notice that there was a gruff tone in his voice, and he knew that he only spoke like that if something was upsetting him. Tom wondered what it could be.

"Can you identify them?" the other Chakotay asked.

"They're Vidiian, sir," the other Tom replied.

"Red alert," his Captain commanded.

The other Captain turned to them. "Captain, we're picking up a Vidiian ship, heading this way. Can you see them, too?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any weapons?"

"Standby." The Captain turned to Tuvok. "Tuvok?"

"Negative, Captain. We had to re-route power to compensate for the anti-matter lost. It would take several hours to bring weapons back online."

Tom gulped. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all.

***

B'Elanna waited with baited breath.

It was another cruel twist of fate. Neither ship stood a chance against the Vidiians; but hers was more at risk. Only moments ago, they were the ones who were most likely to go, and now the pendulum was swinging, and yet again their lives were held shrouded in uncertainty.

It was the longest minute of her life. B'Elanna waited, and waited, so sure that the Vidiians would come to them.

There was a sudden thudding noise, except it wasn't from their ship...

***

Tom lurched forward as the unmistakeable sound of their ship being clamped rung out.

The Vidiians were on their ship.

He tried to quell the panic welling through him. The presence of the Vidiians brought back all the terrible memories of the incident he'd spent the better part of the year trying to forget. He'd hoped to never meet a Vidiian such as them again, and yet here they were, taking over their ship.

***

B'Elanna had been using the Jeffries Tubes to attempt to get to the Bridge, when the Vidiian ship had landed on top of theirs. Feeling that she wouldn't be safe trying to get to her destination, she climbed out of the tubes, and onto deck eight. Stumbling into Astrometrics, she felt dismayed when she found no one to be there.

She tried to control the terror threatening to surge through her veins.

The Vidiians were coming.

The Vidiians were _here. _

***

Harry tried to compose himself. The Captain had just ordered him to leave the ship, and take the baby with him.

There was no time to think, no time to process the order.

He didn't want to leave his friends behind to suffer this fate, and felt like he should be there with them until the end.

But it wasn't his decision to make.

He tried to figure out the safest route to get the baby and then get them out of there, desperately trying not to feel scared.

Getting out wasn't going to be easy, and he didn't think he stood a chance.

***

Tom ran out of the Bridge, with a phaser in his hand, attempting to head to Deck Five. The Captain had ordered him and a group of others to try and fend off the Vidiians. They all knew the gesture was futile, but it didn't stop them from trying.

He started to follow his comrades when he remembered something.

"B'Elanna," he murmured.

B'Elanna. Where was B'Elanna?

***

She promised herself that she would never be rendered weak and scared again. She thought she was getting over the Vidiians, but that was before they invaded their ship with the same purpose they had when she had first encountered them. And just like that, she was that pile of nerves and cowardice she had been when she was human.

The hands she was frantically trying to stop from shaking held a phaser, and she crouched down and found a position that meant that anyone stepping into Astrometrics would have difficulty locating her, but not her them.

Her combadge beeped.

"B'Elanna?" came Tom's voice.

"Tom!" she cried out. She'd never felt so glad to hear his voice.

"B'Elanna! Where are you?" he sounded out of breath, as if he were running.

"I'm in Astrometrics, trying to hide."

"Good, stay there B'Elanna."

"Tom, where are you?"

"I'm on Deck Two. The Captain ordered some of us to fend the Vidiians off. They boarded on Deck Five. But I want to get to you-,"

"That's a foolish idea, Tom," she said, softly cutting him off. "They'll intercept you."

"It doesn't matter. They'll kill us and take our organs, but if they find out who you are, they'll take you. And I promised I wouldn't let that happen, remember? And now they're here-,"

"And it won't make a difference if you find me or not, Tom," she finished for him. "We don't have the resources to stop them. Either way, they'll get us." She swallowed. "How many are there?"

"At least a ship full," he replied honestly. "And more to come."

"We don't stand a chance," she whispered. She closed her eyes. This was her worst nightmare, and the notion that even if she could find the strength to fight them, it would be pointless, wasn't helping.

"I know, B'Elanna. But I don't want to leave you."

"Go somewhere and hide, Tom," she instructed. "And just talk to me."

Tom headed for the Mess Hall, which was empty.

He headed in the direction of Neelix's kitchen, and hid behind the workbench, leaning his head against it.

"I'm in the Mess Hall," he announced.

"Good," B'Elanna replied. "Tom?"

"Yes?"

"The Captain, she's put the ship on self-destruct, hasn't she?"

Tom hesitated. "I don't know. She hadn't when I left, but it looked like she might."

"I thought she would. I got the impression that it was what the other Captain was going to do." She paused for a moment. "Tom?"

"Yes?"

"Are you scared?"

"Of what?"

"Dying."

He gave out a dry laugh. "Really, I should be a pro at this now. But I am. Scared, I mean."

"Me too. I bet you didn't think it would come to this," B'Elanna mused out loud.

"Not in a million years."

"There are so many things that I wanted to do, and now-,"

"The other B'Elanna on the other ship is going to realize them, and she's going to live them."

"But it doesn't feel like she's me."

"I know. But I assure you she is."

There was a moment's silence as the two of them listened to the heavy sound of each other's breathing. B'Elanna wished that Tom was beside her, but hearing him like this was a comfort nonetheless.

"Tom, I'm sorry for the way I've acted the last few weeks. If I'd known we didn't have much time left, I wouldn't have-,"

"It doesn't matter, B'Elanna. And anyway, I'm the one who should be sorry."

"No, really-,"B'Elanna stopped and smiled. "We could be at this all day."

Tom found himself smiling too.

"Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're the last person I got the chance of speaking to."

"Me too, B'Elanna." Tom closed his eyes. "Isn't it strange how we only truly realize something at the worst possible moment?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've finally figured why it all matters so much."

"What matters so much?"

"You. Your opinion of me. Your feelings. Making you laugh. Making you angry… Everything about you."

B'Elanna's already speeding heart was sent into over-drive. "Why?"

"Because I love you."

B'Elanna didn't say anything for a moment, not quite believing what he said. She never thought she'd hear those words. And now that she had, it felt like the greatest thing in the galaxy, except there was nothing she could do about it. "You picked a great time to tell me," she said finally.

Tom let out a choked laugh.

A sudden noise caught B'Elanna's attention.

"Tom, I can hear footsteps. I think someone's coming."

A scratching noise came at the Mess Hall too. "I think someone's coming here, too." Tom stood up. "I guess we should face the music."

"I guess so."

B'Elanna stood up and out from her hiding position. She wasn't scared anymore. Tom gave her no reason to be scared. She held her phaser out. It didn't matter if the ship was going to blow up at any moment; she wouldn't give the Vidiians even a moment's thought of thinking they had her.

There was only one thing she had left to do. "Tom?"

"B'Elanna?"

"I lo-,"

She never got to finish her sentence.

At that moment the doors opened and a Vidiian stepped through. She fired her phaser at the exact time he fired his. Hers hit, but his was more powerful, and she immediately fell to the floor.

The last thing she was aware of, was Tom screaming her name.

A few Vidiians stepped into the Mess Hall a moment later, but before Tom got a chance to fire at them, a blinding light tore through the ship.

And the only thing that remained of that Voyager, was a trail of debris.


	24. Chapter 24

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Four**

A/N: Thanks as always to Pepper for the beta!

***

In the ensuing silence, nobody spoke.

Their connection to the other Voyager had been cut off, but they didn't need to communicate with them to fathom out the horror they had endured: the Vidiians had attacked them, spreading out fast on the ship. They knew their captain had issued a self-destruct sequence, and in the aftermath, the silence of the other ship rung out loudly.

Tom couldn't quite believe what had happened. It could have so easily been them, and yet in a way, wasn't it them who had gone, too? He thought about his other self, and hoped his last few moments alive hadn't been too horrendous. But he knew that having the Vidiians attack the ship was not the best way to go. He could at least be thankful that there had been two Voyagers, and that they had been given the chance to live, though barely. Voyager was hanging by a thread, and it would take a few weeks before it could be at its full capacity. They were lucky in that the other oncoming Vidiian ships had either been blown up in the explosion, or had retreated in confusion, not realizing that another Voyager remained. Whether they would return or not, Tom had no idea. That they hadn't been damaged or destroyed in the explosion was another thing to be grateful about, though all Tom felt was a numbness radiating through him, much like when he had learnt Harry had died.

He cast a glance around the make shift Bridge. The Captain and Chakotay stood by the screen they had used for communicating with the other ship. Janeway looked as though she had aged fifty years in the last fifteen minutes, and Tom knew that she was somehow blaming herself for this atrocity. The Captain- both Captains- had made extremely commendable decisions during this incident, something which was doing a lot to restore Tom's faith in her, for which he was glad. Beside her, Chakotay had placed his hand on her shoulder. Though Chakotay's faith in the Captain had also dwindled in the last few weeks, Tom knew that it too was climbing back up, and the hand on her shoulder was that of a friend, and not merely a comrade. Around them, other crew members slowly began to collect themselves, and began the arduous task of piecing Voyager back together.

It was going to be a long, hard task, but Tom knew they'd get through it, just like everything else.

***

The Captain ordered Tom to go and help in Sickbay with the casualties. When he entered, he found a frantic Kes, flitting to and from patients.

"Tom," she greeted, sounding exhausted. "If you're looking for Harry, he just left, and is doing fine."

"Actually, the Captain ordered me to help. You're looking a bit thin on the ground; where's the Doc?"

"His programme was deactivated when our power supply cut out. B'Elanna's working to get the main power back up, and she said hopefully it and the Doctor will be back online within the hour." Kes let out a sigh. "There's so much to do, I don't know where to start. Luckily, there's nothing too serious. Hogan came of the worst, and other than that there's nothing more than a few fractures and bleeds."

Kes' voice was verging on slightly hysterical, and Tom placed his hands on her shoulders to placate her.

"It's going to be okay, Kes," he reassured her.

"I know," she replied. "But all of this is just a lot to take in."

He drew her into a hug.

"I saw them, you know. The others on the other ship. They all looked so perfect, especially the baby. And now they're gone…" she murmured into his chest.

"And we're here to live on for them," he said comfortingly.

Kes nodded, before breaking away from his hold. "We better get to work," she said.

Tom nodded back, and together they started working on the patients.

While flitting from person to person, Tom thought about Harry and B'Elanna. He was desperate to see them both again, especially this 'other' Harry. It's not everyday your best friend dies and there's a spare duplicate to replace him. As for B'Elanna, he was eager to make sure that this whole Vidiian incident hadn't upset her.

When Tom had finished checking that everyone was okay, there was one more person he had to see. Or rather, there were two. Samantha Wildman was sitting up on a biobed, with her baby nestled in her arms. She had been lightly sleeping, but when Tom approached her, she immediately woke up.

"Hi, Sam," he greeted with a grin. "How are you and the baby doing?"

Sam managed a tired smile. "We're doing really well."

Tom stepped closer to her, eyeing the tiny bundle in her arms. "She's beautiful," he mused, disregarding the fact that he was on the verge of turning into one of those people who cooed over babies. "Does she have a name yet?"

"I was thinking of the name Naomi. What do you think?"

"I think it's perfect, and so is she."

"Do you want to hold her?"

"Oh, I couldn't. I'd drop her."

"You wouldn't," she reassured him with another smile.

Sceptically, and ever so carefully, he took Naomi from her. Tom was surprised at how tiny she was and how fragile she felt, as though she were made out of glass.

"Wow," was the only thing he could say, before handing her back.

"See, you managed that just fine." Sam said. Her smile started to falter. "It's hard to believe she's mine."

"Well she most certainly is."

"But it doesn't feel right. I watched my baby die, and though I prayed that things could be different, I never expected this. I feel like someone's going to try and take her away from me."

"No one is. And though she isn't the baby you had, up until yesterday, she was still the same baby you were carrying the last year. It's just one, crazy occurrence that changed things a little."

"I guess so. I'm just so glad I got a second chance."

"Me too, Sam."

***

"Okay, B'Elanna, you really have to stop touching my face."

B'Elanna removed her hands from Harry's face, which she had placed on him to reassure herself he was real. "Sorry," she apologized. "It's just a bit weird, you know?"

"Oh, I know."

"I mean, you died!"

"I know."

"I watched you fall."

"I know."

"And now you're back."

"Crazier things have happened."

B'Elanna's hands went back to touching Harry's face, which Harry immediately removed, albeit gently.

"I can't believe you're real."

The two of them had finally found a break in the day to have coffee together in the Mess Hall, one of the only remaining secure places on the ship. B'Elanna felt elated at finally getting the chance to spend time with Harry. She studied him intently, amazed that Harry -_her _Harry- was back.

Harry shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Okay, your staring is starting to freak me out. I assure you, it's really me. I'm still Harry." He hesitated for a moment. "Aren't I?"

"You're still Harry Kim to me, Harry Kim."

Harry still looked uncertain. "Are you sure? Don't you find it a little strange that I came from the other ship?"

"Are you kidding? Harry, when you died I was so desperate to get you back that I would have settled for a hologram, or a robot. Hell, I would have settled for a ghost! To get you -who, other than for the last twenty-four hours, is the same Harry I've always known- is an added bonus really."

Harry beamed with appreciation. "Thanks, B'Elanna. Although I admit that it's a little freaky being on this Voyager. I kind of feel like I don't belong here."

B'Elanna grinned. "Well, you do. So what was it like? On the other ship, I mean."

Harry pondered this. "Well, the Captain and Chakotay had hooked up. You were really into yoga. Tom decided he wanted to be a Security Officer, and I was a Lieutenant."

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Okay, not really. It was exactly the same, minus the ship being on the verge of falling apart. It's everything that should have gone right on here. But in the end, didn't." Harry looked downcast, and B'Elanna immediately knew he was thinking of his crewmates.

"It must have been hard, leaving them."

"Yeah," he murmured.

"They would have wanted you to go, Harry."

Harry nodded. "I know."

B'Elanna hesitated for a moment. "Did you see me on there, before you left?"

"No. I saw neither you nor Tom."

"Oh." B'Elanna had no idea whether that was a good thing or not.

The two of them didn't say anything for a moment, both reflecting on what could have transpired during the last moments of the other ship.

"Harry, I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For not being able to save you."

"It's not your fault."

"But in a way, it was. I should have been strong enough to hold you."

"B'Elanna, you may have freaky Klingon strength, but the fact that I've been indulging heavily on desserts for the last couple of weeks, combined with the force of the hull collapsing, made it near on impossible for anyone to save me, let alone you doing so."

"I suppose you're right. I still feel guilty."

"Don't," he admonished.

The two of them both smiled at each other, before B'Elanna's smile fell.

"You know," she began, "you and Tom keep dying on me, that I'm starting to think it's a conspiracy."

Harry laughed. "If we were, it certainly would be a pretty big prank. But you know I only ever prank him." He sighed. "We haven't done that in a while…"

"No, we haven't," she replied, wistfully. "I guess things have been hectic for a while."

Her expression suddenly sobered. "Just don't go dying on me again anytime soon, okay?"

"You have my word."

Harry let out a yawn.

"You should go to bed," B'Elanna instructed.

"But what about all the work that needs to be done?"

"Harry, you just died-,"

"I didn't personally," he interjected.

"But still, you've been through a lot, so you're well within your rights to get some rest."

"What about you?"

"I'm pulling an all-nighter. This ship is going to take at least a week to get back into order, and I want to make a good start."

"But I can help," Harry protested.

"No, Harry. You might fall through the ship again."

"Hey!"

"Harry, I need you to go and rest, just for my peace of mind, please? Go to your quarters, where at least I know it's safe. And it would really comfort me if you could stay there for, oh I don't know, the next seventy years?"

Harry gave her a look.

"Tom could keep you company," she suggested.

"Okay, I'm going," he grumbled, whilst trying to stifle another yawn.

"Thanks, Harry."

"No problem."

"Oh, and, Harry? It's really good to see you again."

"Same here, B'Elanna."

***

From his position at the entrance of the Mess Hall, Tom observed the exchange between his two best friends with a smile on his face. The two of them looked content to be in each other's company, and Tom wondered if they had talked about what had happened, and had used each other as a source of comfort. Perhaps Harry had even reassured B'Elanna about the Vidiians attacking, and she had comforted him over his transition. He had fully intended to join them, but upon seeing the somewhat intimate conversation between them, had decided against it, feeling as though he might be intruding. He had always known that Harry and B'Elanna connected in a way that he had yet to with B'Elanna. He had never been envious of that, as he hadn't believed he'd ever be able to get close enough to B'Elanna to achieve that level of comfort. But recently, there'd been a longing within him that B'Elanna would hold him in the same regards as she held Harry, and that he could be the sort of guy she could confide in so freely.

With another smile, he turned around to leave. Watching the demise of the other Voyager had taught him that life was precious, and not to be wasted. It should never be too late to hope and never too soon to live without regrets. But right now, it wasn't his moment to take that chance.


	25. Chapter 25

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Five**

A/N: Many thanks to **Riss-uscmam **for her help on this chapter. Updates will probably be slower as work is preoccupying my time, but I'll try and update fortnightly at least.

***

The next morning, Tom greeted Harry in the mess hall with a big clap on the back, and a, "I'm glad you're still alive," which had signalled the beginning as well as the end of that particular conversation over Harry dying.

"Thanks," Harry replied with a wince.

Tom joined him at the table.

"So how are things?" he inquired.

Harry shrugged. "Could be better. B'Elanna won't let me help with the repairs as she thinks that I might stumble across a tiny infrastructural scratch and that I'd somehow end up dying again."

Tom laughed, but then stopped when he saw Harry glaring at him. "Sorry. So what are you doing instead?"

"Hanging out in Astrometrics," he replied glumly. "I'd rather be helping out in Engineering, or repairing the Bridge."

"Yeah, that's what I'm doing," Tom said, as he sipped his coffee. "So, where's B'Elanna, or dare I ask?"

"As far as I'm aware, she's still in Engineering, after getting no sleep last night. But you know what she's like: once she's on one of her crazy repair missions, sleep becomes an inconvenience."

"Can't say I've ever felt that way before."

"Same."

"Not that I envy her the tough task of putting the ship back together."

"Yeah, it must be nice to be a pilot. All you have to do is sit on your ass all day."

"Hey! I resent that. And I'll have you know that I occasionally get up to get coffee for people."

"That must be so taxing for you."

Tom gave him a glare. "_And _I've been helping out in Sickbay."

Harry's eyes lit up. "Are Sam and her baby still there?"

"Yeah, I believe that they'll be there until this evening."

Harry let out a sigh of content. "I rescued that baby," he said, proudly.

Tom grinned. "That you did, Harry."

"You know, she's a pretty cool baby. Didn't make a sound when I smuggled her off the ship, which is saying something because babies usually hate me."

Tom laughed at this, although he was hardly surprised. "Sam's looking forward to properly thanking you for bringing Naomi over. She's really grateful."

Harry smiled at this. "Hey, you know what we should do?"

"What?"

"We should throw a party, to celebrate Naomi's birth. Maybe we could combine it and celebrate us all not dying either."

Tom considered this. "I like your thinking," he mused.

"The crew has been pretty down lately," Harry added.

"And I do know how to throw a good party."

"And I know of a band who can supply the music."

Harry and Tom exchanged conniving grins.

***

Over the next week, while the rest of the crew immersed themselves in getting the ship back in order, Tom and Harry spent their spare time going over every detail for the party and their working moments daydreaming about it. It needed to be something that would honour Naomi, as well as honouring their counterparts. It also had to be fun and uplifting, in order to give the crew a chance to forget their troubles.

For Tom, the hardest bit was what the venue would be. He was tempted to hold it on _The Bold Ego, _but somehow, showing the ship to anyone but B'Elanna and Harry felt wrong. It took a lot of planning, but the location he had finally settled on was something he hoped people would like. Theme had been another issue, but a costume party seemed the most obvious answer and by the end of the week, every crewmember received an electronic invitation inviting them to a party that promised to be _the _event to attend this side of the galaxy.

***

The first thing B'Elanna did when her last shift of the week ended was to yawn. She had been flitting all over the ship, meticulously putting it back together, and had got by on little to no sleep over the last few days. To say she was shattered would be an understatement, and she wanted nothing more than to go back to her quarters and sleep for the next year. But Harry had begged her to attend his and Tom's party, and since she still felt guilty about killing him, she had agreed to at least put in an appearance. Maybe it would be nice to spend time with people without having to shout out orders every five minutes, although part of her couldn't deny that she wanted to see Tom. Even though she had been angry with him recently, their recent ordeal had made her feel as if the whole matter was irrelevant. That was not to say that she had completely forgiven him, but she didn't want to spurn him anymore either.

B'Elanna headed to the holo-deck, and when she finally got there, the sight that greeted her took her breath away.

She was on what appeared to be an island, and a stunning one at that. As she stepped onto the sandy beach, she became aware of the unusual presence of a rainforest to her left, and the relentlessly astounding sight of the ocean to her right. Tom- and she was certain it was him who had chosen this place- had done an extremely good job. The ambience of the place was magnificent: the time of day had been set at late sunset, casting an array of blues and purples across the sky; there was a bonfire in the middle of the beach, with the smell of a nearby barbecue accompanying it, and a few orbs had been suspended in the air and scattered around, containing something that appeared to be glowing slightly, although B'Elanna couldn't tell what it was. Harry-and she was sure it was he- had programmed the message, _Welcome to Voyager, Baby Wildman,_ set as bright stars in the sky. The place was filled with the vast majority of the crew, and she suspected that all who weren't on duty were present here and it amused her to see them all in costumes. Nearby the bonfire, a group of pirates were playing various instruments, and she spotted Harry as one of them. Elsewhere, she spotted the Delaney sisters dressed as cowgirls, Hogan dressed as a famous Andorian, the Captain as Valentina Tereshkova along with the Soviet astronaut outfit - and was that Chakotay she saw dressed as a Viking? Surely not!

She tried to locate Tom amongst the throng of colour, but couldn't seem to spot him. She let out a sigh. It didn't matter; it wasn't like she was desperate to see him or anything. And maybe he should be the one to find her, after all, she was still supposed to be mad at him, and he was still supposed to be grovelling for her forgiveness.

From behind her, a voice said: "Wow, _lieutenant_, I love your costume!"

She turned around, only to find a man clad in green: dark green arm-length gloves, light green top with a dark green waistcoat, dark green shorts with light green tights, all accompanied with a dark green eye mask and soft plume hat. The costume initially made him look unfamiliar, but there was no mistaking those bright blue eyes.

B'Elanna turned and glared at Tom. "Look, I didn't have time to change, okay?"

Tom grinned. "Well, at least you're here. I didn't think you'd come."

She nodded, and then realised that Tom was waiting for her to say something.

She looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"Well?" he said.

"Well what?"

"Well, what do you think of my costume?"

B'Elanna studied him further. He looked good. Extremely good, in fact. And he knew it.

"I think you look like a clown," she informed him, if only to slightly dent his ego.

Tom frowned. "But I'm not dressed like a clown."

"You aren't?"

"No! I'm dressed as the Green Arrow."

She gave him a blank look.

"You know, from the 20th Century comic books?"

She gave him another blank look. Tom always expected her to remember every culture reference from that century, as if she didn't already have enough problems remembering their own century's happenings.

"He's a superhero," he said.

"_Oh_." She cast another gaze around the island. "Well, Mr Superhero, you did a great job with this place."

Tom beamed. "Really, you think so?"

She nodded. "What is this place?"

"It's an island on Earth. Found in Australia, Fraser Island is the only island to have a rainforest to grow on its sands," he conveyed the information as if reading from a travel brochure.

"I think it's beautiful," she told him.

He smiled again.

His head suddenly turned in the direction of the barbecue, and he frowned.

"Neelix better not be adding his own Talaxian touches to the food," he muttered. "I better go and check that the food is still edible, I'll be back in a bit." He turned back to face her. "I mean, my superior superhero senses are detecting that evil intergalactic forces are causing chaos and destruction nearby and I must go and fight them." He pointed a finger at her. "Stay put."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Get out of here, you clown!"

As he rushed off, B'Elanna couldn't help but be a little embarrassed when she found couldn't keep her eyes off him. But there was no denying it: the costume really made his butt look good.

***

After checking that the barbecue food was still palatable, Tom went to find B'Elanna again. Inwardly, he was relieved that she no longer seemed angry at him. He was afraid that she wouldn't turn up for the event, be it because of her cool attitude towards him as of late, or because her duties were taking her away. In fact, neither he nor Harry had seen her at all in the past week, and he was beginning to wonder whether she had been swallowed by the warp core. Having her turn up, even without a costume, was a pleasant surprise. The fact she seemed glad to see him, made it even better.

When he found her again, she was sitting down on the beach, with her hands buried in the sand, watching Harry and his band play. Because of the warm atmosphere, she'd taken off her uniform jacket, and had removed her boots and socks, as well as rolling her trouser legs up to her knees.

Grinning, he sat down beside her, handing her a plate of food.

"Thanks," she said, taking the proffered food and not taking her eyes off the band. "You know, it's really weird, but I never thought that a clarinet, a saxophone, a triangle, Bajoran lute, a guitar, a violin, drums and a tambourine would sound so good together," she mused.

"I guess it's one of those tricks of the trade," he said.

She smiled, and took a bite of one of the burgers. "Hey, this isn't bad," she told him.

"You sound surprised."

She shrugged. "Never pegged you for the culinary type," she commented.

"Oh, if only you knew..."

She gave out a laugh, which quickly turned into a yawn.

"Tired?" he inquired.

"You would be too, if you hadn't slept in a week."

"It would only take a day for me," he said. "You should go, if you're tired."

She shook her head. "No, I'm having a good time."

"Good."

Their chain of conversation was interrupted by Joe clinking extremely loud on his triangle, causing the crew to fall silent.

Harry cleared his throat. "Tommy Boy and I would like to thank everyone for attending tonight." From his position, Tom gave a wave of acknowledgement. "And would further like to congratulate everyone on their rather imaginative costumes. In particular, Chell, you make an extremely good Bolian hypno-wasp." Everyone turned to look at Chell and laughed. "But really, we are gathered here for two things: firstly, to honour the birth of Naomi Wildman-," everyone turned their gaze to Sam and her baby, who was sitting down on a log placed near the band, with a sleeping baby in her arms. "-for whom we waited long enough to arrive here. She had a rather unusual and precarious start onboard, but we all know that in the Delta Quadrant, strange is normal. We're all glad that Naomi is well, and may she go on to have a wonderful time on Voyager." Sam beamed her gratitude, and the crew cheered. "Secondly, this party is to honour our counterparts who didn't make it, and for being glad that we got a second chance. So I propose a toast:-,"

Everyone lifted their glasses, apart from B'Elanna, who didn't have one.

"Here's to life, and being able to appreciate chances, both first, second, third and beyond that."

"Hear, hear," everyone chorused, which then turned into applause.

The band started to play again, and Joe took the lead vocals. The song seemed to be some rocked up lullaby, and B'Elanna couldn't help but grin at it.

"Hey, do you want a drink?" Tom asked.

"No, I'm good thanks."

"Are you sure? Neelix has made some cocktails."

"You mean, the ones he added hot sauce to? I think I'll pass."

"Suit yourself, but you should know, you're missing out."

"I'll try and find a way to gauge the pain."

They both smiled at each other, and then looked up at the sky. It had gotten darker, and Harry's message in the sky shone brighter. The bonfire was also gleaming, and the orbs suspended in the sky were glowing.

B'Elanna looked at them in puzzlement. "What are in those orbs?" she questioned.

"Oh, those things? They're fireflies."

"Really? I've never seen one of those before."

"Most people haven't. These ones are Vulcan. They emit a variety of colours, where as the ones on Earth only emit one."

"Wow, they're beautiful."

He smiled again at her, and the two of them lapse into a comfortable silence. A few minutes passed, and she had somehow found away to procure his eye mask, and much to his amusement, decided to wear it. She in turn was extremely glad of his company, although wondered why he chose not to leave her side.

His smile faltered slightly, and he started tracing patterns in the sand.

She gave him an odd look, which he couldn't quite catch through the mask.

"It's been a weird few weeks, hasn't it?" he suddenly asked.

"Yeah," she agreed softly.

"B'Elanna, about what happened-,"

"Tom, you don't have to apologise," she interrupted, and realised that it was true. "I understand why you had to act the way you did, at least, I think I do. I was just angry that you didn't tell me."

"I wanted to, B'Elanna. I was this insufferable jerk, and I never wanted you to see that- you know, again, anyway. And I didn't want to leave you. When you tried to make me stay, you don't know how much you almost had me. I know the last thing you needed was another person walking out on you, and there I was, practically running out."

She looked at him in amazement. How was it that Tom always knew the things she didn't even voice? How could he sense that the thing she had hated the most about Tom leaving, was that it felt too similar to another betrayal that she had gone through as a little girl?

"It's okay, Tom, really. I mean, I was definitely angry at you and for a long time too. It hurt that you didn't tell me, but you had your reasons. To be honest, I'm just glad you weren't leaving for real, and that you weren't really a spy or running away from having a torrid affair or whatever all those rumours were."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "There were rumours going around that I was having a 'torrid' affair?"

B'Elanna nodded. "With Chakotay. And that the reason you were being so hostile towards him was that he broke it off, and then you had to leave the ship because your behaviour was getting on the wrong side of stalking."

"Well, that's certainly original."

She grinned. "I'd say."

His expression turned serious again. "So you forgive me?" he inquired.

B'Elanna found it hard to appreciate his sincerity when he was dressed like a pauper, but found it even harder to resist the vulnerability in his eyes.

"Only if you forgive me for punching you, although I can't say that I felt too badly about doing it."

He gave a short laugh. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

They smiled at one another and he nudged her gently with his elbow, and she did the same, albeit harder.

"So, I hear that the pirates are going to start dancing around the bonfire," Tom said.

True to his words, some of the pirates dropped what they were doing, and started prancing around the bonfire.

B'Elanna winced when she saw them begin to mock-belly dance.

"That must have been some strong hot sauce Neelix was using," she mused.

"Sure you don't want to join in the fun?" Tom asked.

"I can't say that I'm the dancing type."

"Does that mean you won't be partaking in the dancing competition?" he asked innocently. "There's a prize for the worst dancer, you know."

"So you'll be a winner for sure, Tom?"

"Your words wound me, Torres. I'll have you know, that I'm an extremely good dancer."

"Dancing in front of the mirror doesn't make you a pro."

"Actually, it's singing that I do in front of the mirror, and as a matter of fact, being the son of an admiral meant having to know every waltz and tango that there is."

"Well, that explains a lot."

He nudged her again. "Freddy Bristow is looking at you," he commented.

She looked over to see a vampire standing at the edge of the barbecue, surreptitiously eyeing her.

"Maybe he's going to ask you to dance in the couples round," he suggested.

"And maybe he should go and crawl back into his coffin. I'm not dancing." She turned to face him. "With anyone."

"Darn, and I was so going to ask you to do the jitterbug with me."

"Jitterbug?"

"It's only the coolest dance ever invented."

"I'll take your word for it."

They fell into silence again, and watched as the rest of the crew began dancing as well.

After a while, B'Elanna looked at Tom again.

"Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think about what happened on the other Voyager?"

"All the time."

"It must have been awful when they realised it was their ship that the Vidiians had invaded."

"Sometimes I feel guilty for being relieved that it wasn't us."

"I hope the Vidiians didn't get much of a chance to wreak chaos over the ship."

"Janeway wouldn't have allowed it."

"You're right. I just keep trying to think what the other B'Elanna was going through in her last moments. Where was she? Was she safe? Was she scared? Was she alone?"

"Maybe it's best not to think about it."

"I can't help it," she admitted. She let out a sigh. "I have a feeling that this isn't the last time we're going to encounter them."

"No, probably not. But at least next time, we'll be ready."

She gave an affirmative nod, and they both went back to watching the dancing. B'Elanna took in the light and colour of the people, merging together, and revelled in its beauty.

Not too long later, she fell asleep, her head against Tom's shoulder; eye mask still on. Tom looked down at her smiled, before adjusting his position slightly so his shoulder was more comfortable for her.

Although he had hardly moved from his position next to B'Elanna, it was one of the best times at a party that he could recall.


	26. Chapter 26

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Six**

A/N: Thanks to Pepper for the beta. References to Resolutions.

***

It had been a long time since the mood onboard Voyager had been this dour. The first time, they had just been stranded in the Delta Quadrant, with the chance of ever returning home questionable at best. Starfleet and Maquis had been forced to meld, and for some people, that alliance had been as optimistic as sticking a feral dog and cat in a room and hoping that they'd become friends. More than a year and a half later, the two crews were more like a family than former enemies, and their matching depressive dispositions sought to bring them closer together.

Voyager had suddenly had to deal with the loss of two of its important members: Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay.

For many, the loss was not only that of their leaders, but of a friend and a parental figure.

And Tom was no exception.

Despite his dubious feelings towards the Captain after choosing to give him that mission, the last thing he ever wanted was to see her leave Voyager. His relationship with her was on the mend; the duplication of Voyager had helped restore his faith in her, though a slight lingering of doubt remained. Her conscious decision to abandon Voyager in the interest of the health of the crew was extremely noble and very Janeway, but not what he-or anyone else for that matter- would have wanted. Janeway was Voyager's beacon, the person everyone looked to for direction, and who never lost sight of their mission to get home. So strong was her intention that Tom never doubted for a moment that they would get home, even if it were some time later. With her gone, their aim seemed directionless somehow, like a herd of sheep with no shepherd to lead them.

Likewise, the loss of Chakotay was hitting the crew hard. Many saw him as their softly spoken boss, who always had a moment to listen to people seeking advice or solace. The immediate friendship of the Captain and him had acted as an impetus for the rest of the crew to follow suit, and they had.

Leaving them behind on a planet felt like the worst scenario of abandonment, but the Captain had ordered it, and Tom knew better than anyone not to question her decisions.

Walking along the corridors, he headed towards someone he knew would be feeling just as unsettled as he was.

Pressing on the buzzer, he heard a quiet, "Come in" and he stepped into the quarters.

He found B'Elanna sitting on her couch, with her knees drawn up and a blanket over her legs.

"Tom," she greeted in surprise.

"Hi," he greeted. "I thought I'd come and see how you're doing." He walked over to the sofa adjacent to hers and sat down on it. "This place is looking a lot tidier than the last time I saw it," he mused, referring to the time when he'd practically carried her to her quarters after she'd fallen asleep on him at the party. It had been the first time he had ever seen her place, and he was surprised at how untidy it was.

"It'll be back to its original state within a day or two," she assured him in a glum voice.

He gave her a small smile. "How are you holding up?"

She shrugged. "I miss them already."

"Me too."

"I never thought I'd see the day where Tuvok became captain," she mused.

"I never hoped to," Tom added.

"If Tuvok's captain, I guess that makes you First Officer."

Tom snorted. "My father would have loved that."

B'Elanna looked at him curiously. "How do you feel about it?"

It was Tom's turn to shrug. "I never wanted to be a First Officer or a Captain, or anything like that, especially not under these circumstances, and especially since…" his voice trailed off.

"Since…?" she probed.

He shifted in his seat, reluctant to talk about it. "I just…ever since…acting as a decoy, I haven't wanted to do anything like that, you know?"

She shook her head in confusion.

"I can't handle any kind of responsibility right now," he elaborated. "I just can't."

His eyes had darkened and held a hardened, resolute edge to it. B'Elanna had to admit that she was slightly surprised; just like any other mishap or perilous situation Tom had encountered, she expected him to bounce back with the same efficacy and unflappable attitude he had always shown. It never occurred to her that even now, some good few weeks later, Tom would still be reeling from that mission. Although she hadn't forgotten it herself, she had been able to let it go.

"I hope that means you don't expect me to take over your position," she said, trying to make light of the situation. "Because there's no way in hell that I'm becoming First Officer."

"But it's okay for me to be one?" he teased.

"Well, your seat is practically in front of the Commander's. You wouldn't have to move far. And besides, pilot to First Officer seems like a logical transition."

Tom looked mildly offended by this. "My piloting is far better than Chakotay's!"

"That's not hard," she mused.

He grinned.

B'Elanna's eyes suddenly clouded over in memory. "You know," she began wistfully, "the first time I met Chakotay, he rescued me from a Cardassian, and that was the day I joined the Maquis. I never expected to join the Maquis; I didn't have a reason worth fighting for and I didn't have any causes to believe in. But it was almost like my whole life I'd been waiting for someone like Chakotay- waiting for something to believe in, and he gave me that. I never found him; he found me, and if it weren't for him, I'd be lying dead on a cargo ship. I'm incredibly grateful to him."

Tom noted the strong intensity in her eyes; saw the immense gratitude for Chakotay there. Part of him was a little envious that in her eyes, Chakotay was infallible.

"I can't leave him behind," she carried on. "After everything we've been through, how could I? And what of the Captain? It's not right to just leave them, Tom."

"I know, B'Elanna. But we have orders, remember?"

"But that doesn't mean we have to follow them."

B'Elanna had no idea how important it was that he did so.

***

Tom's mind was a mass of contradictions. On one hand, he wanted to get the Captain and the Commander back; on the other, he didn't want to disobey an order. Ever since his mission, acting by the book had become very important to him, as if he was making up for the two months of disruptive behaviour. He found that he couldn't bring himself to take a risk –in anything- just in case he put his life or anybody else's in danger, and that was something that had never happened to him before. Staying in line also gave less of a chance of him falling out of grace again, and his choice in doing so gave him a sense of control. And control was something he hadn't had in a while.

Although the Captain hadn't asked him, it seemed like Tom was the unofficial First Officer. It was a position that Tom didn't exactly relish. The responsibility was almost like a burden, and the position yet again threw him under the spotlight. Nonetheless, Tom tried his best at it. He wasn't exactly First Officer material; staff rotas, ship maintenances and daily individual staff meetings were hardly his idea of fun. But someone had to do it, and that someone was him. It was almost tempting to somehow fob the position onto Harry, since Harry would have lovedthe power trip. But Harry loved the Captain and Chakotay more, and finding a way to bring them back seemed to be his only goal at the moment. Tom somewhat admired Harry's persistence and loyalty, and had no doubt that Harry would find a way to get them back.

Only, when he did find a way, it wasn't exactly the type of plan Tom agreed with.

***

The next day, Tom yet again went to visit B'Elanna, and wondered whether this was going to become a habit. He'd been so used to B'Elanna visiting him or Harry, that going to see her was strange. With Harry preoccupied with his reclamation mission and B'Elanna distracted by Chakotay's absence, it was up to Tom to be the one to find them.

He found her sitting on her couch again, with the same blanket draped over her. Were it not for the fact that he'd seen her today when he'd gone to Engineering, he would have sworn that she hadn't moved from her spot since he'd left her quarters. There was a concentrated look on her face, and she looked conflicted.

"Hey," he greeted softly.

She smiled, although it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Hi," she said.

"How's it going?" he asked.

She shrugged and began tracing patterns on the arm of the couch. "Just thinking about Harry and some things he said."

He took his usual spot in the arm chair. "Ah, one of Harry's cunning plans?"

"Something like that. You know, he actually came up to me today and asked what the Maquis think of the Captain and Chakotay leaving, as if this after how long we've been stranded here, we still think of ourselves as two separate crews! The loss of both them is equally devastating to all of us."

Tom smiled shrewdly. "You know what Harry's like. Once he gets hold of an idea, he tends to forget the minor details." Tom sighed. "Harry almost had a bust-up with Tuvok on the Bridge today. Did you hear about it?"

"Fleeting rumours. Our Harry is becoming quite the rebel."

"Quite. It seems like he has this crazy idea about getting in contact with the Vidiians and asking them for help." He laughed in amusement.

B'Elanna didn't return the laugh, nor did she say anything and Tom frowned.

"Wait, do you agree with him?" he asked.

B'Elanna nodded slowly. "I think it's a good idea and I've told Harry that I'd help him in any way I can."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Meaning?"

She gave him a look to overthrow his harsh one. "_Meaning _I'm willing to give my DNA as a trade-off."

Tom's jaw dropped. "But B'Elanna, the idea is ridiculous!"

B'Elanna stood up, and her blanket fell to the floor. "Ridiculous?" she looked slightly outraged by his accusation.

Tom stood up to face her. "Yes! The Captain ordered us not to get in contact with them for a reason. In case you're forgetting, the last time we came in contact with them, their idea of 'hello' was to snatch the organs of our counter-parts!"

She looked at him, slightly perplexed at his suddenly sour disposition. "Do you think I'd forget about that even for a moment?" she demanded. "Do you think that I'd forget about _anything _the Vidiians have done to us?"

He deflated slightly. "Of course not. But, B'Elanna, they're dangerous; and we'd be foolish to believe that they'd help us."

"Not all Vidiians are dangerous, Tom! Look at Denara. She helped us."

"That was different!"

"_How_?"

"Because she's a woman!"

B'Elanna frowned. "What's that got to do with anything?"

Tom sighed. "B'Elanna, it's no coincidence that all the Vidiians we've encountered gunning for our organs have been male, and I think that they're a lot less compassionate than the women."

"That's a pretty big generalization to make."

Tom shrugged. "It could be true. And I'm going to hazard a guess and say that the Vidiians on the other ships are mostly male and going to be a little less sympathetic to our cause."

"Considering the fact that I potentially hold the cure to the disease that has been blighting their lives, I think they might consider this offer."

"It might take a while before they find a way for them to utilise your DNA so that it offers a long-lasting cure. Our organs offer an immediate if not permanent solution to help their suffering."

"As does my DNA!"

"B'Elanna, these people have been using other people's organs for years. I don't think they're suddenly going to embrace something that is completely new to them."

"I'm willing to take that risk!" she yelled. "Tom, our _friends _are stuck on a planet, inflicted with a disease we cannot cure. We may have to leave them behind, alone on a planet, or on some futile shuttle going so slow that by the time they reach Earth, it may not even be there by the time they get back! I do not want to get home, knowing that Chakotay and the Captain are out there, lost somewhere in the galaxy, when we could have helped them!"

"Don't you think that I want them back too? I'd do anything to get them back, B'Elanna. But not at the risk of your life, or anyone onboard for that matter! There has to be another way!"

"There is none, Tom!"

"I don't want you to risk doing this-,"

"It's not your decision to make!" she cried.

The two of them stood inches away from each other, anger emanating from both of them. The two of them held each other's gazes, neither one prepared to drop theirs first.

Tom's jaw tightened. "I think you're making a mistake," he said finally.

B'Elanna's gaze hardened. "The last time I had to make a decision like this, you weren't exactly there to help, Tom. So forgive me for not wanting to do things your way."

Tom's fists clenched at his side. "B'Elanna, that's not fair," he said quietly, hating that inability to help B'Elanna in her time of need, was being thrown back in his face.

"What's not fair is that we're leaving the Captain and Chakotay behind!" B'Elanna swallowed and took a breath. "The Tom Paris I know would never be afraid to take a risk to help the people he cared about."

His gaze dropped, and he looked at the floor briefly, before looking back up at her; eyes burning with a quiet fury. "I'm sorry that I can't be that person," he said in a low, steely voice, then turned around to walk out of the door.

Letting him go, B'Elanna closed her eyes and sat down on the couch.

_What have I done? _she thought.

***

From her position at her console on the Bridge, B'Elanna stole a look at Tom. He was flying the ship with his usual ease, but she could see the tension gathered in his shoulders. She sighed. Tom seemed to be avoiding her at the moment, but with the harsh words they'd both exchanged, she wasn't surprised. She understood where Tom was coming from- contacting the Vidiians would have been a huge risk. But one look at Denara, and seeing how different she looked from the holographic woman she'd grown accustomed to seeing, she knew she had to do it and shifting her gaze to the Captain and Chakotay, she felt like she'd made the right choice. It was extremely good to have them back.

The two of them seemed to settle back into their commanding roles with little trouble, although B'Elanna couldn't help but notice that they both carried resolute expressions on their faces, with both avoiding to look at one another. For a moment, she wondered if something had happened to the two of them on the planet. It had been no secret to B'Elanna that Chakotay was attracted to the Captain. Given his recent ordeal with Seska, she knew that he'd do all his best not to let it show, but she knew him well enough to know that to her at least, he wasn't doing a very good job at it. She also knew that Chakotay would never tell the Captain how he felt, at least not in these settings, maybe a little out of fear. The two of them had that in common.

Letting out a sigh, she kept her gaze fixed on the couple. It didn't take a scientist to work out that two people stuck alone on a planet, would be drawn together. And if the two were already attracted to each other, then that process would be accelerated. She wondered briefly, what it would have been like had it been she and Tom stuck on the planet, permanently. If she hadn't killed him by the first day, would she have been able to find out whether he could feel the same way about her, as she did him? On that planet, they'd been no Susan. No Jenny, no Meg, no Alison- no other woman to vie for his attentions. There'd be no ship politics to interfere with them, no rules or regulations shoved in their faces. They'd be free to be themselves, left together on a planet, with only space and time ahead of them. Surely along the way, she'd gather the courage to tell him how she felt? If, by slight possibility, he felt the same way, then there'd be nothing in their way. And if he said no, she'd go some place on the planet and avoid him for the rest of her life, or at least, until solitude became unbearable. But the two of them weren't on a planet; they were onboard Voyager, surrounded by so many confusing thoughts and feelings, with the added complication of their quarrel standing in their way.

***

When Tom got a moment, he turned to look at B'Elanna, and found her looking longingly in the direction of Chakotay and the Captain. A pang of envy shot through him. _She must be really glad that Chakotay's back, _he thought.

Tom thought about the argument they had. Was he wrong in not supporting B'Elanna's decision? Although having the Captain and First Officer back was of incredible importance to him, any situation that involved interacting with Vidiians was not. B'Elanna's safety was of the utmost importance to him, and though the Vidiians might not have kidnapped her for her organs, they might have found a way to harm her for other methods.

_The Tom Paris I know would never be afraid to take a risk to help the people he cared about._

Her voice resounded in his head. But she was wrong. He _was_ scared, and he hated feeing like such a coward.


	27. Chapter 27 Part I

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Seven Part I  
**

A/N: This chapter is split in two because of its length. I was going to be mean and post the second part tomorrow, but thought otherwise… Anyway, enjoy reading, and as always, comments welcome. For anyone who is wondering, there's still about six chapters left to go. Thanks to Pepper for the beta, and there are references to The Thaw, The Basics Part I and II and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it Star Wars quote.

***

"_I never want to see another clown again." B'Elanna's voice echoes around him, but he can't seem to find her. _

"_Make that jokers too. Or anything you'll find in a circus," comes Harry's voice. Tom tries to locate him too, but can't find him either. _

_Suddenly, he feels incredibly disorientated, and the scene he's in melts into another. _Where am I? _He wonders. _

_The place looks vaguely familiar, like a scene from a holo-programme. He's on the edge of a cliff, surrounded by towering trees. The drop down below is vast, and he stands his ground, afraid that he might fall. _

"_What are you doing here, Tom Paris?" a voice questions, and he turns around to find B'Elanna standing several feet away from him. His eyes widen when he sees that she is wearing a revealing dark, green dress, making her seem like a beautiful nymph of the forest. _Why doesn't she dress like that more often? _He asks himself._

"_I'm not sure," he confesses. He frowns. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I'm looking for something but I can't find it. Will you help me?"_

_He nods. "What is it you're looking for?"_

"_It's a bracelet."_

_He frowns again. B'Elanna didn't wear bracelets._

"_What does it look like?"_

"_It's bright blue. Do you think I've dropped it down the ravine?"_

_He doesn't know why she would be anywhere near the ravine._

"_I'm not sure," he answers. He peers over the edge of the cliff. "I think I can see something down below, on the sand. Something is sparkling."_

"_Really? Do you think you can get it for me?"_

_He hesitates. He'd do anything for her, but he's not sure he can do this. "I'm not sure," he answers again. "It sure is a long way down."_

"_Does it matter?"_

_He looks back over the cliff. "I'm scared," he admits._

_When he turns around, B'Elanna is no longer there. But Harry is. _

"_The only thing you have to fear, is fear itself."_

_He looks at him in puzzlement. What kind of saying was that?_

"_If I get her bracelet, I might fall."_

"_You'll only fall if you've forgotten how to fly," Harry responds. _

_He considers this. Had he forgotten how to fly?_

_He stands up tall on the edge of the cliff, his eyes glued on B'Elanna's bracelet; the only thing that mattered right now. _

_He takes a leap of faith, and hopes it's enough to get him to the ground below safely. _

_***_

Tom let out a groan, and opened his eyes. He'd been sleeping rather deeply, but his last dream had been unsettling enough to wake him.

"Computer: what time is it?"

"The time is 0200 hours."

Tom let out another groan, not feeling as if he could get back to sleep now. He sighed and sat up in his bed, staring around in the darkness. Shoving his comforter to the ground, he walked over to the viewport and sat down on the ledge before it, and stared out to look at the stars.

The last couple of weeks of Voyager had been 'safe,' as he deemed it. Nothing too perilous had happened, excluding Harry and B'Elanna being imprisoned in a freaky dimension and Tuvok and Neelix somehow merging. Although he had been worried when it looked like Harry might never be let out of the place he was trapped, Tom knew the situation was not beyond the Captain's control, and as always, she had found a way to outwit the enemy. Tuvok and Neelix merging had definitely been weird, although not uninteresting. It was nice to have the two back again, but he was sad to see Tuvix go.

Tom gave out a yawn, and continued to look out at the stars. He hadn't been able to sleep properly these last few days, and when he had been able to, he was always plagued with confusing dreams. He tried to conjure up memories of the dream he'd just had. Something to do with B'Elanna and Harry, a beautiful green dress, and a message…

_The only thing you have to fear is fear itself._

But what was he scared of? He'd admit that he'd been feeling a bit anxious as of late, reluctant to do anything that might endanger his life or that of anyone else, as the incident with B'Elanna had shown. He felt that something was holding him back, and even if he wanted to take a risk, he wouldn't be able to. Yet he knew in his heart that he couldn't play things safe forever. He just hoped that when it came to it, that barrier would be lifted.

***

The next day, Tom blearily headed to the Bridge, to begin duty, and hoped that the day would pass both quickly and uneventfully.

After an hour or so, B'Elanna popped on the Bridge for a bit. Before heading back to Engineering, their gazes had momentarily locked, but before he could even cast her a smile, she'd walked off.

He sighed. He really had to apologize for being so rude to her the other day. He'd still maintained that he made the right decision, though. Even if he was the 'Tom Paris who would never be afraid to take a risk,' he still didn't think he'd have supported her decision. Any scenario that even remotely involved the Vidiians would always be a no-go area, especially if part of that scenario involved B'Elanna. As far as he was concerned, the only situation where Tom would be okay if B'Elanna interacted with them, was if she communicated with them from the other side of the universe. He'd always been extremely adamant about his promise to her, even if he hadn't yet done much to honour it. In a way, he hoped he wouldn't have to.

Maybe he was just over-thinking the whole thing. B'Elanna had gone ahead with Harry's plan, and even though the Vidiians' objective wasn't to envelop them in a big, friendly hug, with the help from Denara, they'd pulled through and got the Captain and Chakotay back. While he'd never begrudge them their return, he'd never feel sorry for making his choice. But he would feel sorry for making B'Elanna feel like she couldn't hold faith in him.

_I'll make amends later, _he assured himself. He just had to survive this shift first.

***

Harry was bored.

He looked around at the rest of the crew on duty to see if anyone else was having as much trouble focusing as he was. He saw that Tom was struggling not to fall asleep. Harry grinned. _Not much sleep last night, Tommy? _For a brief moment, Harry wondered if Tom had been up to his old frolicking antics again, but as far as he knew, Tom hadn't been seeing any women as of late, for which he was glad.

His train of thought was interrupted by a visual on screen.

It was Seska, and Harry let out a mental groan. He'd really hoped Voyager wouldn't bump into her anytime soon, but apparently the Delta Quadrant wasn't as big as it claimed to be. Harry looked on at the woman who had done so much to wreak havoc on the ship, wondering what she could possibly want.

Unbeknownst to them, she'd fool them in to thinking that she and her baby son were in danger from the Kazon-Nistrim. Much later, a supposedly innocent Kazon would be transported onboard. Not long after, he'd blow himself up.

And Voyager would descend into chaos.

***

"Engineering, I need warp power!" the Captain called out.

Tom turned to look at her, a look of worry crossing his face.

"We can't go to warp, Captain," B'Elanna's voice replied. "The containment field has been damaged. I'm attempting to bypass."

Tom's look of worry turned into a frown. He knew that B'Elanna's efforts wouldn't be enough. He knew what could help, but part of him was afraid to voice it. The other part of him knew that he had no choice. He had to do this.

"Captain, if I can get a shuttle through the cross-fire, I can go back and get the Talaxians to help us." As he said the words, his heart started racing in trepidation.

The Captain turned her eyes onto Tom, and for a moment their gazes locked. He could see the slight uncertainty in him there, no doubt generated from the fall-out from his last shuttle mission, as well as a look of despair about the whole situation.

_I can do this, _he assured her with his eyes. And he tried to make himself believe that he could.

He watched as the Captain momentarily decided whether it would be right sending him off yet again in a shuttle, right in the paths of lurking Kazons.

Something in her gaze weakened, and without breaking it, she said, "Chakotay, take the conn." There was a pause and then a, "Good luck, lieutenant." And Tom knew she truly meant it.

Tom got up from the conn and ran out, having only enough time to give Harry a reassuring look.

As he rushed to the Shuttle Bay, the only thought that was going through his mind was, _What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

***

B'Elanna listened to Tom's suggestion over the comm.

Through the chaos, she momentarily closed her eyes. _There he goes again, _she thought. _Yet again playing the hero and running into the arms of danger. _

But B'Elanna was aware of two things: firstly, that Tom had been strangely reticent the last few weeks. It definitely hadn't gone unnoticed by her that Tom was unwilling to do anything risky or dangerous, almost as if he were afraid to. She wasn't used to that type of behaviour from him, and suspected that one day something would give and he'd jump right back into it all again. Except right now he wasn't jumping; he was catapulting. Part of her was glad to have that risk-taking and somewhat reckless Tom Paris back. The other part of her was anxious. Which brought her to her second point: Tom had brushed with death so many times that it was almost becoming an unstoppable habit. Tom seemed to have inherited the luck of the Scottish or Irish-or whatever the hell it was supposed to be- yet B'Elanna doubted that his luck would last forever.

_Just don't let it be today, _she prayed.

Suddenly she wished that she and Tom had at least spoken to each other since their argument. Although they had talked during meetings and on duty, neither of them had made the first move and apologized. B'Elanna told herself that this was because the two of them had been incredibly busy, but she knew that that wasn't the real reason. Part of her was still angry with him for not believing in her, but the bigger part of her was ashamed with herself. After everything they'd said, Tom had been right: the Vidiians were up to no good. Yet she couldn't bring herself to be a big enough person to apologize and admit that she had been wrong. And now Tom was going off on another dangerous mission and they'd left things on a sour note. She'd just have to hope that he'd come back, so she could make amends with him.

She opened her eyes. Somehow, she didn't think Tom coming back would be so simple.

As if confirming this, the ship was hit with force, and B'Elanna found herself lurching forward.

***

"If I can get a shuttle through the cross-fire, I can go back and get the Talaxians to help us," Tom mimicked his own voice. "Great idea, Paris!" he muttered to himself as he hacked away at the controls of the shuttle. "What ingenious idea are you going to think of next? And navigating through cross-fire? What were you _thinking_?_" _

All of a sudden, he didn't feel very brave.

"You should have stayed onboard, with the others," he chided himself. "But _no_, you had to go gallivanting off on another crazy mission." He paused for a moment. "And now I'm talking to myself. Great."

But he had to admit to himself that no matter how stupid his idea was, he was pleased that he'd finally been able to do something like this. The fact that he might get killed during the process was something he was choosing not to think about. If he could make it in time and get help, it would be worth it. He'd heard the frustration in B'Elanna's voice, seen the worry in Harry's eyes and observed the Captain's struggle to regain control of the situation. He needed to do this, for them. And it sure felt good to be doing something this worthwhile.

Suddenly his shuttle was hit by a series of firing, and Tom struggled to maintain control.

One shot.

Two shots.

Three shots, and the impact was so intense that Tom's head hit his console and he passed out.

***

"Voyager to Paris," Harry called out tentatively.

No answer.

More insistently this time, he said, "Please respond!"

Still no answer.

"TOM, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

His heart started pounding. Tom not answering his hails was a bad sign, a very bad sign.

A line from one of the sci-fi movies that Tom always used to get him to watch, was ringing in his mind:

_I have a very bad feeling about this..._

And it was not just about the loss of contact with Tom.

***

"Intruder alert, Captain." Tuvok's voice ran over the comm.

_You've been here before…_

The thought flashed through her mind, and B'Elanna swallowed, signalling for her crew to stop working. There was nothing they could do now.

She could see the fear on everyone's faces as they tried to prepare for the invasion. They had no means to protect themselves; their phasers useless against the huge horde of Kazons and even if they could help, the ship would never withstand further damage.

But it didn't stop all of them from instinctively holding out their phasers, not willing to back down easily.

"Lieutenant, what should we do?" Joe asked her.

B'Elanna looked at him blankly. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I don't know," she repeated.

***

_He didn't realize he had been sleeping._

_When he opened his eyes, he found himself by a familiar-looking stream._

_And he was not alone._

_Ahead of him, B'Elanna was sitting on the edge of the stream, with her legs dangling in, and from what he could see, she was wearing her Maquis leathers. He went over and sat beside her._

_She looked at him and scowled. "What are you doing here, Paris?"_

"_I've come to see if you needed company."_

_They were taking a break from constructing something for Chakotay, he remembered now. B'Elanna had wandered off and he'd followed her._

"_Well I don't," she remarked, making it clear her feelings of him._

_He stayed anyway._

"_You can't stand me, can you?" he said after a while._

_She snorted. "That's putting it mildly. You rub me up the wrong way. Not to mention, you're this annoying, arrogant, cocky bastard."_

_He felt slightly hurt by her words. "I'm not like that."_

_She turns to face him again. "Then prove it."_

_Their gazes lock, and it's like he's opened a book and is running through all the pages, with all the images showing in her eyes. Him meeting her for the first time. Her rebuffing him. Him saving her life when she drowned. Him leaving her. Them meeting after so long. Her not being able to abide him. The two of them together, in the Vidiians' mines, with him comforting her. Her coming up to talk to him. The two of them becoming friends. Memories of happiness. Memories of sadness. Him leaving her. Her angry at him. Her laughing. Her smiling. Her warmth. Her...everything._

_He looks at her in confusion. "I thought I already had."_

_She starts to shake her head, but she doesn't look too sure. _

_He continues to look on at her._

_She frowns. "Stop looking at me like that!"_

"_Like what?"_

"_As if I'm the most intriguing thing you've ever seen."_

"_Well, you are," he stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the galaxy._

_She sighs. "You think that now. But you'll forget it later. You'll meet me again, and you won't give me a second look. Or a third."_

"_Somehow, I doubt that."_

_She doesn't say anything for a moment. "I like swimming down one end of the river to the other. You don't strike me as the kind of guy used to that kind of commitment."_

"_No," he answers honestly. "I haven't been for a while."_

"_Do you think you'll ever change?" _

"_Maybe. If the conditions of the water were right."_

"_Then maybe you'd consider me as the one you'd swim with."_

"_You were always the perfect contender, B'Elanna."_

"_Well then, Tom Paris, why has it taken you so long to realize it?" _

Tom woke up with a start, memories of the dream clinging to him. It took him a moment to regain his bearings and for him to realize that he was on a shuttle. It took him another moment to realize that the shuttle was badly damaged, and another to realize that neither Voyager or the Kazon were anywhere in the vicinity. He frowned. Exactly what had happened whilst he had been unconscious?


	28. Chapter 27 Part II

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Seven Part II**

B'Elanna did not take well to being ambushed by a bunch of aliens with awful hair and off-colour skin. Nor did she take well to being dumped on a remote planet by the aforementioned aliens, whilst also learning that Seska had been behind the whole thing. B'Elanna hoped that she survived the ordeal long enough to encounter Seska, and do enough harm to her that the Cardassian would rue the day she ever turned traitor. The damned woman had done enough damage on Voyager as it was, and this latest instalment was the final straw.

However angry B'Elanna was, it wasn't enough to displace the sense of despair she felt when she saw the Kazon take off in Voyager, leaving them to fend for themselves on the planet. She never thought she'd see the day when Voyager would take off without her. Even when the crew had been tempted to stay on the planet with the 37s, she'd never quite envisioned this scene of desolation, and she'd certainly never imagined that the ship would ever get hijacked and the crew stranded on a planet.

The whole crew looked up at the sky, and she could feel the sense of heartbreak from them all. This was supposed to be their home now, and yet no one was willing to believe it.

Noticing Kes looking particularly forlorn, B'Elanna went and stood next to her.

"I can't believe this has happened," Kes whispered.

"I know, me, too," B'Elanna said softly.

"We have no weapons or tools to get back." It was so unlike Kes to be pessimistic, but she too, could see no sense of hope at that moment.

"There's always Tom," came another voice. Harry. He came over and stood by the two of them. "If he's still alive."

But the three of them knew the chances of him surviving the Kazon attack in the shuttle was extremely low.

"He is alive," B'Elanna announced firmly, although she wasn't sure she truly believed it.

Kes and Harry looked at her.

"He has to be," she carried on. "He's the only thing we have left to hope on."

***

"Computer: repeat stabiliser diagnostic."

"Damage has been detected in the stabiliser acceleration sensors."

"I've just repaired the stabiliser accelerator sensors!" Tom cried out in frustration.

"Warning: vessel approaching on intercept course."

Tom let out a curse, and made his way back to the pilot's seat. "Signature?"

"Kazon patrol vessel."

"Damn it, I don't have time for this!"

The Kazon vessel proceeded to fire a range of shots at him.

"I told you, I don't have time for this!" he shouted again.

He tried to figure out a survival plan. "Computer: all stop."

The shuttle drew to an immediate stop.

"Engage impulse."

It was Tom's turn to fire a range of shots at the vessel. His shuttle was damaged and all systems heavily impaired, but he was using every last ounce of power it had, hoping it would be enough to destroy the Kazon vessel. After what seemed like an eternity, the vessel finally exploded.

"I told you, I don't have time for this."

He gave a sigh of relief. Now he could focus his efforts on repairing the shuttle, and finally getting help for the crew.

He just hoped he didn't come in contact with anymore enemy vessels.

***

"I can't say that I particularly like eating maggots," Harry said.

"After you've eaten a few, they're not too bad," B'Elanna decided. "They'd taste better with hot sauce though."

Harry gave a dry laugh.

The two of them were huddled together at the entrance of the cave; the maggots the Captain had ordered them to eat 'mysteriously' misplaced on the floor. Most of the crew were already asleep, and there was just the sound of Naomi Wildman's crying echoing throughout the dwelling.

It had been a long day for all of them. Trying to find somewhere to camp, as well as attempting to adjust to their new lifestyle was challenging. Combined with their lack of food and water, plus the recent death of Hogan, was making everything a little hard to deal with. B'Elanna was particularly upset about Hogan. She'd worked with him many times, and for him to be eaten by a monster in a cave hardly seemed like the best way to go.

Trying to keep herself occupied, she kept her gaze focused on the stars, hoping to see a flash or a flicker of light-anything to indicate Tom's presence.

Harry followed her gaze. "Any sign of him?"

B'Elanna shook her head. "But he's there somewhere. I can tell," she said, rather fiercely.

Harry found her hand and squeezed it. "I'm sure he is."

"I never got to say that I was sorry, about the Vidiian plan. He probably still thinks I'm angry at him-,"

"I'm sure he doesn't think that at all," he assured her.

"What if we never see him again? What if he can't find us?"

"He'll find us, B'Elanna. He'd never stop until he does."

Something intense fired up in her chest, and suddenly she was possessed with the need to find Tom and tell him all the things she never gave herself the chance to say, but should have done.

_You've been here before._

The thought ran through her head again.

She closed her eyes, and Harry studied her face.

"You love him, don't you?" he asked softly.

She didn't say anything for a moment. Instead, she opened her eyes and found that Harry was looking at her reassuringly.

"Yes," she said, and it came out in a whisper. "I never thought I would, but I do."

"I definitely don't think that's a bad thing."

"How? I'm in love with a man who is Kahless knows where, with a penchant for getting himself killed or very close to it. A man who goes through women like I go through socks, and who wouldn't give me a second glance even if he tired of all those women."

"I wouldn't sell yourself so short, Maquis. Tom's not the womaniser he used to be. In fact, I don't think he's seen anyone for a while."

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow. "Maybe Susan did a number on him."

He looked at her intently. "Maybe," he mused. "Anyway, Tom would be a fool not to give you a first glance, let alone a second."

She managed a smile. "Do you think so?"

"I know so. You should have a little more faith in yourself, B'Elanna Torres," came his familiar-sounding words.

It was his turn to smile and her turn to squeeze his hand. Harry's words gave her the spark of hope she needed right now.

***

"Voyager has been taken by the Kazon-Nistrim," the Talaxian informed him on his computer console.

Tom's heart sank. He had his suspicions, but he'd truly hoped that it wouldn't be the case.

"They're flooding every sub-space frequency with the news," he carried on.

"Is there any word on the crew?" Tom's voice was solemn and sharp, fully conveying the length of his exhaustion.

"I'm afraid not."

Tom sighed. "If you could help me with repairs, we could be on our way in a few hours."

"_Lieutenant_," Commander Paxam began, "our ships are no match for Voyager and your shuttlecraft can hardly be ex-,"

"Commander Paxam, my people are counting on you! Look, no one knows Voyager like I do," he said. _Okay, maybe apart from B'Elanna, _he thought. "I know every vulnerability, every blind-spot... don't worry, I have a plan."

The Talaxian gave out a deep sigh. "Very well. We'll rendezvous in an hour. Paxam out."

The screen switched off, and Tom leaned back in his chair.

He tried to imagine where the crew were. Were they in danger? Did they have enough provisions or weapons? Was B'Elanna and Harry okay?

B'Elanna.

The thought of her name was dragging his mind to something else. A whisper of a memory... a dream... the two of them sitting by a familiar lake, both dressed in Maquis leather. She'd been looking at him in that scornful way that she hadn't done in so long. She'd said something important- what was it? He couldn't seem to remember.

She'd been on his mind a lot lately. So much so, that she seemed to be cropping up in his dreams. He wasn't sure what that meant, all he knew was that out of everyone, she was the one he was most desperate to see again.

And he was determined to get that chance.

***

"I didn't know you knew you could run like that!" Harry marvelled back at base.

B'Elanna held her side in pain. "I don't. At least, I haven't for a while. Not since my Academy days."

"Anything else you'd like to confess? Were you also a cheerleader, per chance?"

"That, as well as the Nobel Prize Winner for poetry, yeah."

"I knew there was a poetry-writing-cheerleader-runner in you somewhere."

"Funny, I could have said the same about you." B'Elanna let out a groan. "I really can't handle running like I used to."

"Yeah, those people sure know how to run. You know, give them a few thousand years or so, I'm sure they'd evolve into Kazons."

"They already have the hair in common," B'Elanna supplied. "That and the fact that I really don't like them."

Their conversation was interrupted by the loud wails of Naomi.

"She really doesn't sound good," Harry said, his voice full of worry.

"I can't imagine that this environment is good to any of us, let alone a baby. We just better hope that Tom gets here soon before something worse happens."

The two of them looked on in the direction of Naomi, hoping that she'd be okay, but the unsettling feeling in B'Elanna's stomach told her that this wouldn't be the case.

***

"Acknowledged, ready and waiting," Tom said in response to the Talaxian. "I just hope you are, too, Doc."

Tom had put his plan to retrieve Voyager in motion, and he was surprised at himself at how easy it was to fit back into that role again. There was no fear in him; no hesitation in taking all of the risks he was taking. It turns out Harry was right: the only thing he had to fear was fear itself. He hadn't forgotten how to fly.

All he had to do now was wait for the Doctor to carry out his task. If all went well, Tom would have Voyager back. But he knew that that was an incredibly big 'if.'

***

B'Elanna's heart had jumped to her throat when Chakotay had gone to rescue the native woman, amongst the flowing river of lava. Tremors had been running through the planet, getting more intense each time, and now it looked like the volcano might erupt. She could only watch as Chakotay tried to cajole the woman to safety, and what seemed like an eternity later, the two of them were back on more stable land.

Seeing the native people's gratitude and surprise at Chakotay's gesture, was something she never thought she'd see, and it was definitely awe-inspiring. More touching, was seeing the chief of the clan reach out to Naomi and try to help her illness.

If there was one thing to come from arriving on this planet, this scene was definitely it.

***

Stepping on Voyager again without his crew was strange. It felt empty and contaminated. The ship felt unfamiliar somehow, like he'd never been on it before, and the place was a mess. Talaxians milled around him, trying to get things in order, the help of which he was extremely grateful for. Tom also learnt that it was the Betazoid, Suder, he had to thank for regaining the control of Voyager, although Tom knew he'd never get that chance anymore.

They had a lot of work to do, but first thing was first: Tom was going to get his crew back.

***

It could have been a scene out of some poster for Starfleet and first contact propaganda, but B'Elanna wouldn't have changed it for the world. The natives and the Starfleet crew had finally formed an alliance, and despite everything they'd gone through, it was worth it. At least now, it would make living on the planet a little easier. Plus, the natives knew the ins and outs of the planet. She knew that from now on, the crew would be in good company.

But this train of thought was interrupted by the natives suddenly crying out and pointing up at the sky.

Following their gaze, B'Elanna saw something she could only have hoped to see again: Voyager.

Suddenly, B'Elanna couldn't stop herself from grinning. Her gaze sought Harry's, and when they met, neither of them could contain the look of excitement on their faces.

_He made it. Just like I knew he would._

***

It seemed like an eternity before Voyager made it to the surface of the planet.

It had taken Tom a while, but he finally figured out where the Kazon had dumped the crew, and this reclamation project was definitely one he looked forward to.

As soon as Voyager had landed, he rushed to the doors, wanting to be there to greet everybody. When the doors opened, he saw the crew all looking at him, instant relief that he was not Kazon, and that he was still alive. There was an alien race among them too, although Tom didn't give them much notice. There was only one person he was looking for, and he spotted her instantly.

She looked torn, beaten and as exhausted as he was, but in his eyes, she looked beautiful. Her gaze was tracked on to his, and there was great sense of relief showing on her face, and pride, too.

Something unravelled in him, and suddenly everything became clear: why he'd been dreaming about her, thinking about her constantly, and feeling incredibly protective over her.

"_Well then, Tom Paris, why has it taken you so long to realize it?" _

He realized then what he'd truly been afraid of for so long, and why he'd been hiding from what was in front of him all this time: he was scared of an emotion he couldn't control and where it would take him.

But seeing her standing there, pure joy etched into her features, he wondered how he could have denied it for so long.


	29. Chapter 28 Part I

**Look After You – Chapter Twenty-Eight Part I**

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay, had a mixture of writer's block and then this past week I've had little time to write. Just a note, although I've tried to keep the events that have occurred in the same time frame as in canon, the next few chapters will see the key points sped up, so they're isn't such a time gap in between. Thanks to Pepper for the beta. References and quotes from the episode, "The Chute" (anyone else notice how Star Wars-esque that episode is?)

A/N 2: The instrument that Harry refers to is the same instrument used in the Futurama episode, "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings" (naturally).

*******

_I can't believe how I have fallen for you, and I was not looking, was content to remain. And it's ironic to be back in the game _– Lauren Wood (Fallen, Pretty Woman ST)

"So anyway, there we were, all trying to light a fire. Bear in mind, none of us had the comforts of 24th century technology. No phasers, no tricorders, no heat generators- not even a simple lighter. It was ridiculous! None of us even knew how to start a fire."

B'Elanna and Tom sat adjacent to each other in the mess hall, each sipping a raktajino with whipped cream. B'Elanna was animatedly telling him about being stuck on Hanon IV, and Tom was listening intently, hanging on to every word.

"So there I was, furiously rubbing two stones together, getting madder and madder by the moment. Harry had to stand several feet away for fear of my wrath. I was convinced that it was never going to work, and all of a sudden, one of the stones goes flying out of my hand and hits Freddy Bristow in the head!"

Tom laughed. "I bet he was happy."

"The mood I was in, you would have thought _he _threw the stone at _me. _Freddy didn't dare to even glare at me."

Tom raised his eyebrows. "I bet he didn't."

"It was hard on that planet," B'Elanna carried on. "We had no resources, no good food and no hope… I don't know how we would have spent the rest of our lives down there, if it came down to it."

"You'd have been able to cope, B'Elanna. You always do. I'm just sad that I missed out on all the fun," he said with an impish grin.

B'Elanna snorted. "Sure you are." She looked at him intently. "I'm just glad you're still alive. You really had me worried for a while there."

"It's going to take a lot more than aliens with bad hair to meet my end, that's for sure."

"I don't doubt that for a moment," she said with a smile. For a moment, she debated on whether to apologise about their argument, but that seemed like a lifetime ago, and compared to what had just happened to them, it felt incredibly underwhelming. Any apology now would seem insignificant.

He looked at her, and she could tell it didn't matter to him anymore either. He gave another smile, something he didn't seem to be short on recently. She couldn't seem to hold hers back either. She spent time studying the face she came so close to losing- again. She loved the way his blue eyes crinkled when he was happy, and loved their indefinable colour. She loved his smile and the all-encompassing feeling that came with it. Losing all of that would have been incredibly hard.

The thought of losing him drifted into the thought of gaining him. She wondered briefly whether Harry could be right in thinking that she had a chance with Tom. Even if she thought she might, she didn't think she'd ever feel confident enough to tell him how she felt. She wasn't sure she even knew how.

"So, the Captain thinks we'll be able to stop by on a nearby M-class planet in the next few days for some much needed shore leave," Tom informed her.

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow. "Much needed? I think we've all had enough shore leave to last the rest of the journey."

"You have, yes. I, however, was busy tackling the Kazon whilst the rest of you were slacking off and partying on Hanon IV."

"And what a party it was."

"Oh come on, aren't you the least bit excited about relaxing on some glorious planet?"

"Not really."

He frowned. "So you're not going to come with me and Harry?"

If B'Elanna wasn't mistaken, the look he was wearing almost resembled a pout.

She let out a sigh. "I don't think I can," she replied honestly. "The ship still has a few things that need modifying, and I want to get them sorted when we'll be at orbit."

Tom continued to frown. "Aren't you supposed to be Chief Engineer? Don't you have minions to do that kind of thing?"

"Minions, I wish. Besides, they won't do them the way I want them," she pointed out.

"Ah yes. Sometimes I forget that you're a one-woman army. Fine, but just so you know, you will be missing out on the greatest shore leave to be had."

B'Elanna smiled. "I'm sure I will. You can get me a souvenir?" she suggested.

"Only if you promise that when we get back, you'll actually grace us with your presence."

"I think I can agree to that."

***

Tom had to admit that he was slightly disappointed that B'Elanna wasn't there to join him and Harry on Akritiri, but he hardly expected her to drop everything just to join him. His realization that he loved her had done a lot to open his eyes and make him really see things, and he'd considered that he should act upon this. However, dragging B'Elanna aroundwith Harry, the planet was hardly the ideal situation to profess one's love. Not that he knew how to go about doing something like that.

He gave out a sigh, and put those particular thoughts out of his head. Instead, he focused on looking around the marketplace he and Harry were currently wandering through. He was hoping to pick up some interesting: Akritirian alcohol, maybe even a few nifty gadgets to decorate his quarters with, and at the very least, he was hoping to pick up an interesting souvenir for B'Elanna. Although he doubted that this particular species sold t-shirts with an, 'My friend went to Akritiri and all I got was this lousy t-shirt' emblem. Which was a shame, because he really did love those kinds of t-shirts.

He spotted a few fascinating things: Akritirian comic books, or the closest thing they had to it. They were about as thick as a brick, and weighed a tonne, but the big, elaborate pictures were roughly the same, even if they weren't depicting the kind of things he liked to read in comic books. There was an interesting array of candies, but they seemed to be made out of whole insects, and Harry steered him clear of those before he could even try them. He noticed an actual talking clock, complete with an animated face- and a personality. The particular clock he stumbled on was obviously set to curse, which made him chuckle. But what really caught his eye was the stand that was selling intricate gifts. He immediately saw a set of bracelets, and one in particular caught his eye. It was made of what looked like delicate glass beads, each suspended by a material similar to gold. Each of the beads were a varying blue colour, and in each bead there appeared to be what looked like a star, all of which were twinkling. He watched as each star turned a different colour: first red, then orange, then green and then purple.

"Wow," he breathed. He'd never seen anything like it.

He wasn't the type of guy to give jewellery even a mere glance. But something about this particular bracelet captivated him, and as soon as he saw it, he thought of B'Elanna. He wondered whether it would be too presumptuous to get it for her. He wasn't even sure if she liked bracelets. Although, just because he'd never seen her wear one, didn't mean she didn't like them. After all, jewellery wasn't exactly Starfleet regulation. And besides, even if giving her the bracelet was too forward, he could always give it to her for her birthday, which was coming up soon. After considering all this, he decided to purchase the bracelet and placed it in the inside breast pocket of his waistcoat.

He looked around for Harry, and spotted him hanging outside some sort of facilities centre.

"Seen anything interesting?" Harry enquired.

"I have," Tom said with a grin. "This place is like a giant toy store. It's great!"

"I know," Harry agreed. "You should check out the musical instruments they have in the recreational centre. This one instrument, plays out holo-images of a story when you play it, isn't that cool?"

Just as Tom was about to reply, there came a rumbling noise from the recreational building, and before Tom and Harry could look at one another, the centre exploded into flames, throwing the two men into the air.

***

B'Elanna emitted a yawn. She'd been in Engineering for hours without a break, and the lack of coffee or food was starting to get to her. She contemplated getting a coffee, but had an overwhelming urge to stay put. Ever since the Kazon had taken over the ship, she hadn't been at want to leave Engineering. She felt as if the Kazon had come in and graffitied their names all over the console, and she wasn't leaving until she felt the place was 'clean'.

She walked up to the warp core, and tried to figure out the work that needed to be done. Suddenly someone behind her cleared his throat. She turned around and was surprised to see Ensign Bristow standing behind her.

"Hello, lieutenant," he greeted.

"Ensign Bristow," she acknowledged cautiously, wondering why he was here and not on leave with all the others. "Can I help you?"

"I was just er- wondering if you, you know-needed some help in here?"

She gave him a look. She was tempted to send him off, after all she preferred to work by herself. But then she remembered she _had _thrown a stone at his head, and part of her still felt a little guilty over that.

She sighed. "If you have to. Pick a console. Scan for damages and report any repairs to me."

Freddy grinned and picked a nearby console. Just as she thought he wouldn't speak, he asked, "So, you didn't feel like going on shore leave?"

She gave out another sigh. She really should have gone and got that coffee.

***

Tom's head hurt.

It took a while before he could open his eyes, and when he did, all his senses hit him at once, and it was then he realized a few things: first, that wherever he was, he was not in the same place he had been, and Harry was nowhere to be seen. Second, that he was in an enclosed place, and that this place emitted the most horrendous stench that he had to prevent himself from gagging. And third, there were a few vicious, rugged-looking men encircling around him the way a pack of wolves did their prey.

_Now why does this scene look familiar? _he mused.

He stood up to face the men.

"Look what we have here!" one of the bigger, burlier men snarled. "Fresh meat!"

The others cackled and edged themselves closer.

"Well, Tommy Boy, you sure as hell aren't in Akritiri anymore," he said to himself, just as one of the men tried to throw a punch at him.

***

B'Elanna didn't know how long she'd been in Engineering when Joe Carey came stumbling through.

"Hey, you," she greeted him with a smirk, while pouring over a console. "Akritiri must have been good."

"You have no idea," he replied with a grin.

"Good booze?"

"More like good food. That stuff is to die for."

"Well, I'm glad someone had a good time."

"You know, you really should have come and joined in the fun."

"And missed out on all the good stuff going on here? It wasn't too bad. Besides, I had Ensign Bristow keeping me company for most of it."

Joe snorted. "That must have been fun."

"Thrilling." She finished hacking away at the console. "So, did you see Tom and Harry on your travels?" She had to admit that she was starting to grow worried that she hadn't heard from either of them in the last forty-eight hours. She had expected one of them to comm her and let her know what she was missing out on, but she'd heard nothing. She only hoped that they were having too much fun that they'd forgotten to.

"Actually, come to think of it, I haven't seen either of them since we transported over."

"Oh," was all she could say.

"I'm sure it's nothing. They're probably fine."

But the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach told her otherwise.


	30. Chapter 28 Part II

**Chapter Twenty-Eight Part II**

A/N: Please read the following previous chapter before this one, as they're posted at the same time.

***

Tom was both relieved and slightly dismayed when Harry was deposited through the chute. He had no idea how long it had been since he had been out of this prison- hours? Days? All he knew was that this place was hell, and not the type of place for someone like Harry. He, on the other hand, knew all too well what prison was like. It was funny really, how easy it had been to forget the scorn of other men, the claustrophobia, the hunger and the intense feeling of entrapment that accompanied being a prisoner. But those memories returned as easily as they had left, and with it an increasing feeling of turmoil and anxiety, which seemed to be amplified by the implant on the back of his head. By means of relief, he kept scratching it, trying to gauge those feelings.

Harry sat beside him in their make-shift den. He tentatively kept touching the wound on his face from where Tom had punched him, whilst trying to absorb the information that Tom had told him: they had been deliberately accused of setting off a bomb, and their chances of escaping weren't very good. That and the fact that they had a clamp on their heads that was liable to push them on the wrong side of grouchy.

"It's just typical. We somehow stumble into prison, and _I_ end up being everyone's prison bitch."

Tom snorted. "I'm sorry about that, Harry. Really."

Harry sighed. "I guess it's better to be your bitch than everyone else's." A burning sensation started emanating from the clamp on his head, and he too started to scratch at it. "This clamp is starting to drive me insane, Tom. I'm tempted to rip it off-,"

"Don't," Tom interrupted, sternly. "It's not worth the risk, Har. Just try and focus on something else. Something positive."

"That's kind of hard right now," he grumbled. Just then, his stomach started rumbling. "I guess I'm kind of hungry. I really could do with a five-course meal right about now."

"Five? Make that eight. I don't know how long it's been since I've eaten."

"We'd have an all day feast," Harry carried on. "Of course, it would be a pretty sad affair if it were just the two of us. We'd have to invite other people." Harry took the moment to test out a theory. "We could invite the Delaney sisters," he suggested.

Disinterest showed on Tom's face.

"Or we could invite B'Elanna," Harry suggested instead. "Who incidentally will kill us if we ever return to Voyager, for yet again endangering our lives."

Unwittingly, Tom's eyes lit up at the mention of her name, confirming Harry's suspicions.

"That sounds like a good idea," Tom mused. "The dining bit, not the killing part. We could have a feast on _The Bold Ego. _And I'd promise not to sing."

They both gave out a laugh, and then immediately fell into a heavy silence. The clamp began to feel like a hammer to the head.

Tom pressed his hand to the clamp, trying to suppress the raw feelings of emotions it was making him feel.

He tried to distract himself. "Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember when you asked me what B'Elanna meant to me?"

If there was room in his head amongst the sea of ants that seemed to be residing there, Harry would have mentally grinned. "I vaguely recall, yeah."

"And I said that she meant nothing to me? Well…what if I said that I've changed my mind?"

"I would say, I wish I had betted on that. Because I would be a very rich man right now."

Tom had to suppress a surge of irritation at Harry's joking words, which he knew was down to the clamp. "No, seriously?"

Harry thought about it. "I would ask you why you've changed your mind. Up until recently, you were adamant that you weren't a one-woman kind of guy. What's changed?"

Tom pondered this for a moment. "I don't know," he finally answered. "I guess I have. She sees something in me…makes me want to be a better person." Tom snorted. "God, that sounds sappy."

Harry snorted back. "Coming from you, I'd definitely say so."

"Thanks. Your unrelenting faith in me is, as ever, immeasurable."

"You're welcome."

"Do you think that B'Elanna would ever take a chance on me?" Tom asked, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

Harry pretended to deliberate this. "I think that there's a slight chance that she might possibly consider seeing you in that sort of light."

***

B'Elanna sat in the mess hall, nursing her much-deserved mug of coffee. She'd finally finished her work in Engineering, and was taking the time to relax. She wondered if Tom and Harry were back yet. From what she knew, most of the crew had returned. She let out a groan when she saw Ensign Bristow had entered the room and spotted her. He gave her a wave, and she gave a much less enthusiastic one back. It wasn't that she didn't like him, more that his exuberance and over-confidence was a little bit too much for her. He started to make a beeline for her, but just as he was approaching, Neelix cut in and got to her first. Slightly dismayed, Bristow went and sat somewhere else.

She looked at him in eternal gratitude. "Hi, Neelix," she greeted with a smile.

Neelix greeted her with a sombre expression. "Lieutenant," he acknowledged. "I have some news that I thought you should know."

Her smile fell. "What kind of news?"

Neelix seemed to hesitate. "Tom and Harry have been implicated in a bombing on Akritiri that's killed forty-seven people. The Captain is adamant that they haven't done it, yet they have been incarcerated, but we don't know where. The outlook doesn't seem too good right now."

B'Elanna dropped her head in her hands and sighed. Why did this keep on happening to them?

"I thought I should tell you because they're your friends," Neelix informed her. "And I'm really sorry about what's happened."

"It's not your fault, Neelix. And thank you. I guess I better make my way to the Bridge to see what I can do."

She discarded her coffee, and headed off.

An Auckland penitentiary, imprisoned by Baneans and now this- Tom seemed to have a penchant for ending up in prison, and Harry nearly always ended up with him. She didn't know what it was that kept making the two of them end up in such places, but if they ever returned, she was asking the Captain to put them in the brig for the rest of the journey.

***

Antsy. He was definitely feeling that right now.

Tom wanted to get out of here. _Needed_ to. His previous time in prison back on Earth had taught him that he never wanted to return to such a place again. The fact that he had stumbled into a few Delta Quadrant-style prisons since then, wasn't exactly lost on him. But this was the first time that he had felt so on edge in prison. Of course, no other prison had attached a neurological implant on his head before. And as far as he was concerned, he'd never been stabbed in prison before either.

His hands were placed firmly on the wound inflicted by one of the prisoners. It was a superficial wound, not severe enough to cause him to bleed to death, but deep enough for it to hurt. A lot. It drained him of the energy to think clearly – and to move. Just like that, his dream of getting back on Voyager seemed less attainable.

He watched as Harry desperately tried to negotiate with Zio. Harry had a good plan, but in all honesty, he didn't think it would work. The plan was too complicated; too risky. Then again, maybe that was just the clamp talking.

"Remember our deal?" he suddenly asked as Harry set him down on the ground.

"What deal?"

"If it comes down to it, you're going to save yourself, right?"

Harry gave him a derisive look.

"If you see a chance, just go. Don't come back for me," he carried on.

"Like hell I'm leaving you behind! That's stupid talk, and you know it, Tom."

"Harry-," Tom began in warning tones.

"Don't 'Harry' me!" he interrupted, anger threaded in his words. "You wouldn't leave me behind if I asked. So don't expect me to do it just because you asked."

"If you come for me, I'll only hold you behind."

"I'm willing to take that risk. Don't you want to get back to Voyager? Don't you want to see B'Elanna again?"

"Well, yeah-,"

"Then shut up with your noble talk. I'm getting back to Voyager, and you're coming with me. Even if I have to drag you back."

Tom could only look at him and smile slightly. "Thanks, Har."

"You can thank me later. If we ever get back, you can start by telling B'Elanna how you feel."

"Yes, sir."

***

Harry was starting to lose his mind. Zio's self-righteousness and Buddhist-like preaching weren't exactly helping. Coupled with the fact that Zio was telling him that he needed to kill Tom to help himself, wasn't exactly boding well for him.

He didn't know what was up with everyone. First Tom was telling him to leave him behind, and now some other guy was telling him to kill Tom. Had the universe gone mad?

When he got back to see Tom after discovering that they were in fact imprisoned on a spaceship, Harry found his friend disorientated and in a weakened state of mind. Whether it was the clamp or his injury, or both, he wasn't sure; all he knew was that Tom wasn't in a good way, and didn't look like he'd get better.

It was then the panic started to ebb in. His proclamations that he would not leave Tom were easy to say to him. But now, knowing that Tom's life was dangling precariously on a tight-rope, made that decision a little harder. Harry would do anything to ensure the safe return of Tom. Yet he wasn't sure whether Tom was going to make it long enough for him to carry out his words.

Watching Tom accuse him of stabbing him was hard, especially when he began his frenzied attack on him. Harry's mind wasn't exactly a coherent mass either, and he found it hard to deal with him in a calm way. As Tom fitted, Harry was suddenly overcome with the urge to strike him.

This thought shocked him, and he immediately threw down the bandages he was administering and got up to walk away. Whatever happened, he wasn't going to let the clamp take over his emotions. And he certainly wasn't going to hurt Tom.

Just as he stood up to leave, Tom's voice stopped him.

"Harry! What's happening to me?" he asked, sounding for a moment, like normal.

Harry closed his eyes momentarily and turned to face him. "It's going to be okay," he reassured him.

"Harry, don't leave me," Tom called out with child-like vulnerability.

Harry's shoulders sagged.

As if he intended to.

***

Back on Voyager, it felt like time was standing still.

B'Elanna had spent the last few hours on the Bridge, scanning for traces of trilithium, in order to catch the bomb culprits. What she really wanted to do was find Tom and Harry, but she reluctantly accepted that she had to do this in order to find them.

If they ever got their hands on the petaQ that was responsible for all this, she was going to rip them apart. Slowly.

***

Tom was finding it hard to remember where he was, and was having difficulty distinguishing reality from dreams.

Where was B'Elanna? Why wasn't she here? She should be here, she should be talking to him. She'd help him forget the pain. All she had to do was speak to him- that always made everything okay...

Suddenly, he remembered the bracelet he bought her. Struggling with pain, he somehow managed to retrieve it from his waistcoat pocket, but was devastated to find it in pieces.

"It's broken," he whispered to himself, as he noticed that the gold-looking links had broken in places.

He placed it back in his pocket, but was determined to fix it. He looked around, trying to find something to piece it back together.

Immediately, he spotted the pipe Harry had left behind. Maybe if he took it apart, he'd find something in there to fix the bracelet...

***

Harry returned to the den, broken and defeated. Zio's ranting and ravings were getting to him, as was the recent ridiculing by the rest of the prisoners. He was fed up of them- fed up of this. He felt the increasing need to take out his anger on somebody - anybody- and hoped to God that Tom was sleeping when he got back.

But Tom wasn't sleeping. Instead, he had in his hands the pipe- the only link Harry had to getting the two of them back to Voyager.

"Hello, Harry," Tom chirped at him, as he examined the now broken pipe.

Something inside him snapped.

He lunged for Tom, taking hold of the pipe and pounding him with it. How dare Tom take apart the pipe! How dare he break it! How dare he- after everything that Harry had gone through! Zio was right; Tom was a liability. Harry wouldn't make it out of here with Tom in tow, and he intended to rectify that problem.

Possessed by a blind rage, Harry continued his attack on Tom; Tom's cowering and look of complete vulnerability having no effect on him.

Then just like that, Harry's surge of madness crept away, and all that was left behind was a broken-looking Tom, and a pathetic-feeling Harry.

The pipe held up high, ready to strike Tom, fell from his hands, but Tom continued to look at him in fear.

Appalled with himself, Harry let out a choked sob. He couldn't believe he'd just been about to kill his best-friend!

"I'm sorry, Tom," he said trying to console his friend. "I am so sorry."

But Tom continued to look on at him with fear, his gaze only dropping to pick up the fallen pipe.

From behind him, Zio started cackling.

"I knew you didn't have the guts to do it," he said with scorn.

Harry threw him a dirty look.

"Come on, Tom," he said. "We're getting out of here."

Harry reached for him, but Tom gave him a look of uncertainty. Harry pleaded with his eyes, and finally, Tom acquiesced and allowed Harry to put his arm around his waist.

"Where are you going?" Zio demanded.

"We're getting out of here."

"You'll never make it!" he yelled at him.

Harry turned to momentarily face him. "We are getting out of here," he informed him. "Or we are going to die trying."

With that, Harry dragged Tom out of the den, leaving Zio behind. But when he stepped out, he was confronted by the rest of the prisoners.

"We want him," one of them drawled, pointing to Tom.

"We want his stuff," another added.

"He's not dead!" Harry cried. "You aren't taking him or his stuff!"

"Don't be so sure," said the first one.

Something inside Harry erupted. He'd been through a lot in the last few days: being imprisoned, almost being beaten up by the prisoners, being starved, almost killing his best friend- enough was enough. He was not letting these prisoners get them, not now.

He placed Tom on the ground, and picked up the pipe in Tom's hands.

"BACK OFF!" he yelled, menacingly wielding the pipe.

The men continued to sneer at him.

"This man is my friend," Harry started in dangerous tones. "And nobody touches him."

The main man held his gaze, and Harry didn't break it. He wasn't sure what would happen next- he knew neither him nor Tom was a match for this gang. But he sure as hell wasn't going to give up without a fight.

Suddenly the klaxon started ringing, signalling the arrival of new prisoners.

Distracted by this, the prisoners ran over to 'greet' the newcomers.

Relieved, Harry walked over to a more sedate Tom, who was looking at him in awed appreciation.

"We're okay for now," Harry reassured him.

Tom nodded.

Harry's head turned to the chute, wondering who the poor fool was coming down it.

He was more surprised that ever to see Captain Janeway sliding down, a massive weapon in hand.


	31. Chapter 29

**Look After You- Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**A/N: **Many thanks to Riss-uscmam and Pepper for the beta. References and lines from The Chute and The Swarm. And then things go down hill from there... Enjoy!

***

For a while, Harry stayed in Sickbay and watched his friend sleeping in the biobed beside him. After being rescued by the Captain, they'd both been transported to Sickbay for treatment. Tom required intensive treatment, and was currently sleeping whilst the Doctor intermittently administered his treatment to him. Harry, on the other hand, was wide awake. The clamp that had made him a prisoner in his own head had finally been removed, and he finally felt free. All that was left behind was the trauma and guilt of the last few days.

It didn't matter that the two of them had come out of this mess alive. The fact was, Harry had come extremely close to killing Tom, and it didn't matter that a clamp had amplified such intense feelings. If it wasn't for the last scrap of humanity he had had left, he'd be telling a very different story now, and that wasn't something to be proud of. Was this something he could ever get over? He didn't think he could. He had hoped that their journey in the Delta Quadrant would get better, but it seemed to be getting harder as each day passed.

Tom started mumbling something in his sleep, and Harry was sure he heard the word 'B'Elanna' in there somewhere. Harry smiled. He was really glad that Tom had finally come to his senses over her. In fact, he was extremely happy that the two of them had finally seen what he had been able to for a while. Getting the two of them to admit the truth to each other was going to be a completely different ball game altogether, but Harry knew that when they did (and he was certain it would be 'when' and not 'if), they'd at least have each other to get through the rest of the journey, which was more than he could say for himself. Even after all this time, Harry still wasn't at the stage to be able to commit to anyone, no matter how lonely it got. There was no jealousy there. Wistfulness, perhaps. He'd get to that point eventually, he knew he would. But it wasn't going to be soon.

Harry continued to watch Tom, as if somehow it would speed his recovery. The Doc had informed him that Tom would be ready to leave in the next day or so, but each minute was beginning to feel like an hour, and still the guilt wouldn't shift about putting him there.

***

When Tom woke up, he was greeted by Kes looking at him with concern.

"Now why does this scene look familiar?" he said, his voice coming out raspy.

"Perhaps because you keep ending up in Sickbay?" she suggested, almost teasingly.

He swallowed, and found his throat to be dry. "What happened?"

"The Captain rescued both you and Harry from the prison," Kes informed him.

"We were in a prison?"

Kes nodded. "Don't you remember, Tom?"

Tom thought about it. He remembered certain images and sounds, but couldn't seem to connect them.

"Vaguely," he replied.

Kes patted his leg. "It doesn't really matter. What matters is you're safe now."

Tom gave a slight nod, and then something occurred to him. "Where's Harry?"

"Harry's in the biobed beside you."

Tom turned to look, but found he couldn't move his head.

"Harry's sleeping right now. I'm sure he'll be awake soon."

"When will we be allowed out?"

"When the Doctor has finished his final assessments. But I'm sure it'll be soon."

Tom gave a slight sigh. "I hope so. Because I could really do with a pizza right about now."

Kes gave a smile and patted him on the leg again, before going off to see to other things.

Tom tried to think about the events of the last few days. Harry and he had been on shore leave- he remembered that part. He also remembered that B'Elanna had chosen not to come with them. That had been a good thing, he seemed to recall, because after that something had happened… what was it? He thought about it a bit more. An image of an explosion flashed through his mind. There had been a bombing…and he and Harry had been accused and placed in an awful prison. The experience had been terrible- he'd been in a few prisons by now, what made this one different? He tried to remember. It had something to do with pain and anger… Suddenly he remembered, and instinctively his hand went to the back of his head. But there was no clamp there. A wave of memories swept him: feelings of isolation, frustration, anxiety and anger... He couldn't believe that such a thing had been able to elicit such raw emotions, and quite frankly, it was one of the worst experiences of his life. A memory of him feeling extremely paranoid came to him, and he remembered Harry being there, by his side, comforting him. He remembered their talk about B'Elanna and their determination to get out, but there was something else that happened…something at the edge of his mind… What was it? He couldn't seem to grasp it. Maybe it didn't matter.

Thinking about Akritiri started to make him tired, and before he knew it, he'd fallen back to sleep.

When he woke up, he found Harry awake and the Doctor, Kes, the Captain and Neelix surrounding them. He sat up and listened as they talked about Neelix's stratagem, his and Harry's recovery and their neurological implant. It didn't go unnoticed by Tom when Harry squirmed as the Doctor mentioned something about the implant stimulating anger. Another flash hit him then- an image of Harry striking at him in anger, and him cowering beneath him. But it didn't stay long enough for him to get a hold of it fully. He began to suspect that the clamp had made Harry do something he wasn't proud of, and that it involved him somehow. He saw the guilt reflecting in Harry's eyes, but whatever he had done or almost done, it would never be enough to dent the gratitude and respect Tom felt for his friend.

"Come on Harry," he said, standing up. "We're over due for that steak dinner."

Harry threw him another anxious glance. "I guess so," he muttered.

"What do you mean you guess so?" Tom demanded as they made their way out. "It's the thought of that dinner that kept us going," he mused. He began to list off a variety of foods they needed to consume imminently, but Harry interrupted him.

"Tom," he cut in. "Listen to me."

Tom stopped and looked at Harry.

"I- I almost killed you," Harry said.

Tom frowned, only half understanding what he meant. "What are you saying? You're the one who kept me alive."

It was Harry's turn to frown. "I was ready to hit you with the pipe. Don't you remember?"

He remembered now. The whole scene flashed through his head, as did another, just as important moment.

Tom gave him a long look. "Do you want to know what I remember?" he asked softly. "Someone saying, 'This man is my friend, and nobody touches him.' I'll remember that for a long time." And he knew he would.

Harry looked at him, uncertainty in his eyes. Tom knew that Harry knew that he didn't need to be forgiven, but he also knew that Harry would never forgive himself for doing what he almost did.

"So, what do you say we blow a week's worth of replicator rations? We could go and have that eight-course meal we were planning on."

"_Or _you could come and say hello to someone you've clearly forgotten about," came a voice from behind them. Tom and Harry turned around and found B'Elanna standing several feet behind them, arms folded and an amused look on her face.

"B'Elanna!" Harry cried as he went up to her and enveloped her in a hug. "How long have you been standing there for?"

"Long enough to know that you were planning an eight-course meal without greeting an old friend," she said as she returned the hug.

"Believe me when I say that we would have definitely picked you up along the way. That is, if you think you can handle an eight-course meal," Tom said with a grin.

"Oh, I'm starving. Sod eight courses, I could eat ten and it wouldn't be enough."

She let go of Harry and Tom wondered whether he should hug her too. Thinking what the hell, he stepped towards her and hugged her too, all but crushing her to his chest. A surge of elation swept through him at seeing her and having her in his arms, even if it was only fleetingly.

Behind her, Harry gave him a pointed look.

"Tell her," he mouthed.

He rolled his eyes. "Tomorrow," he mouthed back. Harry rolled his eyes too.

He set B'Elanna back on the ground, and she flashed a rather content smile at him.

"It's good to have you back," she informed them both. "But just so you know, you're never leaving Voyager again."

***

Tom didn't get the chance to tell B'Elanna the next day. In fact, he went the entire week hardly seeing her; their duties forcing them apart. He felt slightly relieved by putting his pending conversation off. As much as he was an expert in seducing and cajoling women, trying to tell someone he cared about how he felt was a different game entirely, and he really wasn't sure how to go about it. With Odile it had been different- they had been young, and there had been no need for a fancy confession. Yet it was funny how working up the courage to talk to B'Elanna was making him feel like the awkward adolescent he never quite got to be.

He spent most of his spare time in his quarters, trying to fix the bracelet he had got her. He'd managed to replicate the relevant tools to meld it back together, but it would take time and a lot of fine-tuning to get it back to near-perfection. And he wasn't giving it to her until then.

Tom turned the bracelet up into the air and watched as light danced off it, casting beautiful colours around his room. Suddenly a thought struck him, and he snorted. He was stuck in his quarters intently fixing a bracelet for a woman, instead of partying in some bar.

His former self would be so proud.

***

B'Elanna wasn't sure how Tom could go on an away mission without being the slightest bit unnerved. Looking at him as he recorded his helmsman's log, it was almost as if the last few disastrous events had never happened.

She'd been slightly tentative about going on this mission herself, as missions with Tom never quite went as planned. But she was looking forward to spending some good quality time with him. At least, she was, until she realised that Tom was wearing cologne.

Every time she inhaled, she seemed to get a whiff of his heady scent, which would have been fine had it not been for the fact that it was making her crazy. She cursed her strong Klingon sense of smell, and the strong need to pounce on him that accompanied it. She didn't think that following through with that thought would work out too well, somehow.

She checked the sensor readings and was dismayed to find that they were a long way from their target.

Of all the days Tom had picked to wear cologne, he had to pick this one.

***

Tom cast a sideways glance at B'Elanna, only to find her still fidgeting in her chair.

An amused smile crossed his face.

"Are you okay there, lieutenant?" he questioned.

He didn't need to look at her to know she was scowling at him.

"I'm fine," she answered, rather haughtily.

"Then why do you keep fidgeting?"

Suddenly, she stopped moving around in her chair and sat up straight.

"I don't," she denied. Her shoulders sagged. "This journey is a little long, that's all."

"Well, why don't you pick out some music from the database?" he suggested. "It might help you relax a little."

She considered this idea, and started rummaging through the database.

He only regretted his suggestion when she stumbled across the Klingon rock music.

***

Almost five hours and one big headache later, they were almost at their destination. B'Elanna had turned off the music, but was still a little sketchy, and Tom could have sworn that she kept throwing him scowls every now and then.

She let out a long sigh. "We've been out here almost five hours," she informed him, as if he didn't already know. "And we haven't seen any signs of those energy signatures. Isn't in time to admit that they were nothing more than galactic background noise?" She asked, with increased agitation.

He narrowed his eyes at her, and because he knew that it would rile her just a little, he answered, "I'm going to keep looking a while longer. Just to be sure."

She gave him another scowl, and propelled herself forward, only to cry out in pain.

Tom looked at her again, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Cramp," she answered with a wince. "Klingon bodies aren't supposed to sit in a cockpit for five hours straight." She gave him a pointed look.

He looked back at his console. "Do you have a big dinner date or something?" he asked casually.

She upgraded her scowl to death stare. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you've been angling to get back to Voyager for about two hours now. Just thought that maybe there was a reason." He looked at her again.

She rolled her eyes. _Only you, _she thought. _And this insatiable need to jump you all of a sudden._

"…like Ensign Bristow," Tom carried on.

She looked at him in bewilderment. "_What?_"

"Well, I've noticed that he's been making any excuse to hang out in Engineering," Tom mused. "Around you."

Bristow's infatuation with B'Elanna hadn't gone unnoticed by him, although he was pretty sure that it was a one-sided affair. At least, he was fairly certain. But he had to be sure.

"Freddy Bristow is a child," she informed him as if he were stupid.

"Oh _really_? Well, he looks like a grown up to me. Tall, good-looking…"

"If you think so, why don't you go out with him?" she demanded.

"Somehow, I don't think I'm his type. He's not into blonds." He threw a long meaningful look at her.

"Look, he has a crush on me. I can handle it," she said flatly. She furrowed an eyebrow. "Why are you so interested?"

She didn't understand why Tom was suddenly grilling her about Bristow, and she was annoyed that Tom thought she would even be remotely interested in him.

In all honesty, Tom was a little put out by Bristow's affections for her. If she took heed of them, then surely Tom wouldn't stand much of a chance with her. But if she wasn't interested in Bristow, did that mean she still had no interest in anybody?

"Oh, just curious- how someone with Klingon blood seems to live the life of a Tabran monk," he joked, but immediately regretted it when he saw the look on B'Elanna's face.

She bristled slightly then. Did he really not know her well enough to understand her? She thought he did, or at least she hoped so. And had they not had a conversation like this before? She was hurt by the suggestion that she could be easily summarized as simply 'Klingon,' as if somehow her species was that transparent. She cast him a sideways glance, disappointment radiating in her eyes.

"Lieutenant," she began in a tone that clearly suggested that she was pissed off with him. "That is none of your business."

Tom gave a curt nod, and turned back to his console. He knew he had over-stepped the mark with that particular comment, but he hadn't been serious about it. He respected B'Elanna's decision to live her somewhat monk-like lifestyle, but he wished for a sign that she'd be willing to relinquish that. He really didn't have a clue what her feelings for him were. There had been a few signs: the look she gave him when he was playing pool with Sue, her staying in his quarters when she thought he was dead and her telling him not to go when he was ordered on his mission. The latter two had confirmed to him that she cared for him, but for all he knew, it could be in the same way she cared about Harry.

"I didn't mean it like that B'Elanna," he confessed.

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Then what did you mean?" She didn't really know what she wanted him to say. For him to acknowledge that she was neither a monk of some sort nor some extremely randy Klingon, maybe. Or that Freddy Bristow wasn't the tall, good-looking person she should be gunning for…

He turned back to look at her, trying to figure out what to say.

"I'm just saying, that you shouldn't have to feel like you're the kind of person whose only choice is to live like a monk. If you gave yourself the chance, you'd have lots of options," he said softly.

She was intrigued now. "Like what?"

He shrugged. "You could stand in the mess hall and announce yourself to everyone, and wouldn't even have to wait a minute for interest. You'd have half the men crazy about you, and it wouldn't be because you're Klingon, but because you're you."

She looked at him as if he'd grown another head, yet she desperately wanted to ask if he would be one of the men in that half. But he had said before that he wasn't the 'settling down type,' although Harry had said…

Tom looked at her intently, and was trying to think of how to say that he'd be in front of that queue, without sounding crude or insincere.

But before he could say anything, B'Elanna interrupted him.

"Those energy signatures are back," she informed him.

Tom frowned. "We must have crossed into a tachyon field."

The ship jolted as if they had been fired upon, and they lurched forward.

"What was that?" B'Elanna asked.

"A ship has locked onto our hull."

B'Elanna was confused, and slightly panicked. "Why didn't we detect it?"

Tom was uncertain too. "The tachyon field must have disrupted our sensors."

Their gazes locked. A ship attached to their hull wasn't exactly a good sign.

As if to confirm it, there came the sound of intruders beaming onto their ship. Tom and B'Elanna simultaneously looked around, but in the dark, it was hard to make out the two figures.

Suddenly the two armed figures stepped forward, and just like that time froze as both of them realised who exactly they were.

There was no mistaking those pasty, eerie faces and the smell of horror that seemed to accompany their kind. It had been a while since they had encountered them, but Tom had hoped to God that he would never see another Vidiian again.

In an instant, he had stood up and dove for B'Elanna, as if somehow that futile gesture would have done any good. But before he could get to her, one of the Vidiians fired his weapon at him, and Tom fell to the ground.

"Tom!" came the shrill cry of B'Elanna.

Pain swept through his body, but all he could focus on was B'Elanna. Through barely open eyelids, he watched as she got out of her seat and backed into the corner, desperately trying to reach for her phaser as they advanced towards her.

"B'Elanna!" he called out weakly. He wanted to do something- anything to protect her, but the weapon had rendered him useless.

His eyelids were starting to feel heavy, yet he looked on in horror as B'Elanna failed to take out her phaser in time, and one of them latched onto her. Without so much as a second glance at him, they transported off the shuttle.

And then there was nothing.


	32. Chapter 30

**Look After You- Chapter Thirty**

**A/N:** I'm really sorry about the delay in this update. I had a mixture of severe writer's block combined with the fact that I'm not so much into this fandom as I initially was. However, I am determined to finish this fic, even if I do feel that whatever I write is completely lacklustre. Apologies again for the delay and further apologies for what might be a rubbish chapter, but I felt it better to write something than nothing. Hopefully the next one will be sooner (it will also be the last). Also, many thanks to everyone who took their time to review the last chapter, as well as cajoling me to update.

***

_He feels like he's been walking a mile in the dark, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel to appear. When it does, it's brighter than anything he could ever have imagined. _

_And it's her._

_But she doesn't greet him with a smile. Instead, her face is adorned with a sad expression._

_She looks up at him. "Why is it that every time we get so close, we get thrown so far?"_

_He shakes his head, not knowing the answer. He reaches out to clasp her hand, and she reaches out for his too. Just as he thinks he has a grasp on her, her hand starts to slip and she begins to fade away. He tries so desperately to hold on to her, and she tries her hardest to stay. But she can't. She begins to dim and disappear. _

_And when she's gone, he can't stop screaming her name._

_***_

"Lieutenant Paris," a voice called out to Tom. "Lieutenant, can you hear me?"

Tom began to stir.

"Tom?" the voice called out again.

"He's beginning to wake," another voice said.

Tom opened his eyes, only to find the Captain and Doctor looking at him in concern.

He focused his gaze on the Captain.

"Where am I?" he croaked.

"You're back on Voyager, Tom," Kathryn answered.

He tried to remember how he got here from the shuttle, but couldn't.

He attempted to sit up, but the Captain gently pushed him back down.

"Where's B'Elanna?" he demanded.

"We are not certain, lieutenant. We were hoping you might provide us with information on where she might be."

Tom closed his eyes, and tried to quell the immense feeling of discomfort stirring within him.

Slowly, he sat up and opened his eyes.

"We were heading for those energy signatures we were sent to investigate, but after about five hours we couldn't find anything discernable. And then all of a sudden _they _appeared out of nowhere."

The Captain placed a hand on his leg and looked at him in concern. "Who, Tom?"

It took a moment for him to answer. "The Vidiians, Captain."

Kathryn looked a bit shocked. "Our scans have not picked up any sign of Vidiians."

"It was deliberate, Captain. The energy signatures were just a trap. They wanted to lure us there."

A flash of confusion showed in the Captain's eyes. "So you think you were both their intended target?"

"I don't know," he replied. "I really don't."

There was a moment's pause.

"Captain, we have to get her back. She could be in danger and if anything happened to her-,"

The Captain cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Don't worry, Tom," she said. "We will do everything in our power to get her back."

But the unsettling feeling within him doubted whether it would be that easy.

***

He sat in his quarters with his head in his hands.

He'd been back on Voyager for a few hours now, and there had been no further word on B'Elanna's whereabouts. It was like she had vanished into thin air, but he knew it was worse than that. A hundred scenarios ran through his head and none of them good. Mostly, he wondered if they had intended all along to kidnap B'Elanna. Had they deliberately sent out those energy signatures, knowing that Voyager was in the vicinity and likely to investigate it? If so, how would they know that B'Elanna would be sent out? Or was it just pure chance?

A surge of rage suddenly ran through Tom's veins. Never had he come across a species as vile and unforgiveable as the Vidiians. It didn't matter whether the Phage had distorted their morals; to lose their sense of being was inexcusable, and if their attitude led to B'Elanna being harmed, he would not rest until he achieved their downfall.

Tom dropped a hand and clenched and unclenched it. He knew he was thinking uncharacteristically dark thoughts, but he also knew that as far as B'Elanna was concerned, he would stop at nothing to get her back. The potential of such actions scared him just a little.

A buzzing noise alerted Tom to the fact that someone was at his door, and he reluctantly called for them to enter.

Harry stepped in.

"Hey buddy," Harry greeted tentatively. "I've come to see how you're holding up, although judging by the expression on your face, I'd say not so good."

Tom sighed. "She's gone, Harry, and until she's back I can't even begin to 'hold myself' up."

"We'll get her back, Tom," Harry implored.

"All this is my fault. If I'd gone back when she'd wanted and not hung around-,"

"Something else might have happened," Harry cut in. "You can't start with the what-ifs, Tom. It's not going to help."

"Then what do you suggest I do instead?"

"Focus, Tom. It's the only way we're going to find her."

***

When B'Elanna opened her eyes, all she could see was darkness, and all she could feel was pain. Every inch of her ached, as if someone had stuck pins all over her.

_Maybe someone has, _she thought, disorientated.

She didn't know where she was, or why she was here. Part of her tried to remember whether this was important. She didn't think it was.

She tried to move her arms, but found they were restrained at her sides. This struck her as odd, but she couldn't seem to fathom why they would be pinned down, and why she was stuck on some kind of biobed.

Her eyes suddenly began to grown heavy, and before she knew it, she was asleep again.

***

When she opened her eyes again, the room was a lot brighter, and realisation hit her like an asteroid on a collision course.

She wasn't on Voyager.

She was nowhere _near_ Voyager.

Her mind didn't want to consider where she was; couldn't fathom it; but her heart could.

She was back with the Vidiians.

As if to confirm this, two Vidiians entered the room she was in, and headed towards her. Seeing this, she tried to struggle, but found that she was too weak to even try and break out of her restraints.

One of the Vidiians came to look over her; his soulless eyes and eerie face edging near hers. Her eyes widened at the sight.

The Vidiian analysed her for a moment, before turning to his colleague.

"The subject has reacted well to our experimentations," he informed him, tonelessly.

"Good," the other replied. "Sedate her. We will carry out further experimentations tomorrow."

At this news, she tried to scream in protestation, but all that came out was a muffled cry.

And then nothing.

***

She didn't know how long the cycle went on for. It could have been days or weeks. All she knew was that the Vidiians would come and they would poke and prod her, muttering phrases that she could not decipher. And then they would sedate her again, and the process would start again the next day.

She was losing her grip of reality. Having trouble trying to keep a hold of herself.

_I'll get out of here, _she thought.

_I'll get out of here._

_I'll get out of here._

And finally she thought, _There is no escape from this place._

***

"B'Elanna," a voice called out to her. Once, twice and then a few times more. It took a while for B'Elanna to open her eyes.

When she did, she was greeted by the sight of a female Vidiian looking over her.

This struck her as strange, as all the Vidiians who had seen her had been male.

It took a moment before she realised that she _knew _this particular Vidiian.

She tried to speak, but found it hard. The only word that came out was a raspy, "Denara."

Denara gave her a small smile, and reached out for her hand that was still restrained at her side.

B'Elanna didn't understand why Denara was here or how she got here, but the look in Denara's eyes told her that she'd explain all later.

"I'm going to get you out of here," the young woman told her.

And B'Elanna finally allowed herself to hope that she would escape from here.

***

B'Elanna opened her eyes and listened.

All she could hear was silence that seemed to last forever.

And then the sound of footsteps.

The footsteps were unfamiliar to the ones she'd become accustomed to listening to. This one was softer and quicker.

The door to the room she was in opened slowly, and the footsteps came nearer.

Denara's face appeared above her.

"We must hurry," she informed her. "It is late and the guard has begun his rounds, but he will be back soon."

Denara moved over to the console by her side, and releases the cuffs that have been restraining B'Elanna, and then immediately goes over to B'Elanna and helps her sit up.

A rush of queasiness hit B'Elanna, and Denara steadied her.

"The drugs that they have given you are making you queasy and disorientated," the doctor told her, before pulling out a hypospray from her pocket and applying it to B'Elanna's neck. "This will help."

The effect was immediate, and B'Elanna found that the sickness began to ebb away.

She attempted to speak.

"Where are you taking me?" her voice was weak and unfamiliar to her ears.

Denara looked her in the eyes. "Away from this place."

***

They moved stealthily through the corridors; Denara guiding them away from any approaching guards. B'Elanna wasn't strong enough to stand up for herself and Denara had to support her.

B'Elanna immediately realised that they were not on a ship, as she had previously thought, but contained in a building. Getting out of there seemed to take forever and when they finally reached outside, the fresh air overwhelmed her with such intensity that she thought she might be sick.

She was surprised to find two women waiting for them, whom Denara quickly introduced as accomplices.

"B'Elanna, we have a long journey ahead of us. When they discover that you are missing, they will try and find us, so we must go far."

B'Elanna gave her a perceptible nod of understanding.

Denara led her into an awaiting transportation vessel, and they move on fast in the dark.

Before she knew it, B'Elanna's eyes began to droop, and yet again she fell into a deep sleep.

***

When she woke up a few hours later, she found herself in what appeared to be a cave. There were a few Vidiians taking refuge there, and many of them were women. It was strange seeing Vidiians act this way; she was used to their callous and menacing behaviour. But these Vidiians weren't like that. They appeared scared and nervous, but mainly they seemed like...people.

Instinctively, a hand goes up to her forehead, overcome with a sudden urge to make sure that she was still _her. _A hand counted the right amount of ridges on her forehead, and she was relieved to discover that she is still fully intact.

Denara came up to her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better," she answers, and it's true. She still felt weak, but for the most part her head was clearer and she wasn't in as much pain, and she knew that Denara was responsible for this.

"It will take a few days for your body to recover," Denara informed her. "But the medication I gave you should dull the pain somewhat."

"Exactly what did they do to me?" She was scared to ask, but felt she had to.

The doctor looked at her with concern. "They injected you with mutated strains of the Phage, to see how your body reacted to it. They then injected you with various drugs to see whether they would help. They believed that by experimenting on you, they would find a longer lasting cure for the Phage."

"They didn't split my DNA," she stated.

"No. They know that it is your Klingon DNA that makes you resistant to the disease, and they did not have to split you for the experimentations to be more effective."

B'Elanna didn't know what to say to any of this.

Denara spoke instead. "B'Elanna, I am so sorry."

B'Elanna looked at her in confusion. "For what?"

"For them kidnapping you. It's my fault."

B'Elanna frowned, not understanding.

"When my people found out that I had helped you treat your Captain, they sent me to this M-class planet as punishment. My people have recently inhabited this planet, and plan to turn it into a base solely for their experimentations. They made me help with their research, and when they found out I knew you, they made me tell them everything I could. I'm so sorry, B'Elanna- I had no choice."

B'Elanna nodded in understanding, and urged her to go on.

"They knew that if they set out a beacon, Voyager would respond, and that you were highly likely to be one of the people who came to investigate. For a long while, my people had not been interested in you and your ability to potentially cure the Phage. But I'm afraid they've grown desperate in the last few months."

B'Elanna laughed bitterly. "I always knew they'd come back for me," she confessed. "It was always only a matter of time."

"I'm sorry," Denara said again. "I really am. When I heard they had captured you, I tried to get you out as soon as I could."

"I know. And it's not your fault."

B'Elanna sighed, and looked around.

"What exactly is this place, anyway?"

"It's a network of caves. We come here for refuge."

"Refuge from whom?"

"The scientists. Most of us are intelligent people and yet they treat us women as second-class citizens. They seem to have forgotten what it was like for us all to live in harmony, so consumed they are in their need to find a cure."

B'Elanna can't imagine what that must feel like.

"How long will you stay here?" she inquired.

Denara shrugged. "I've managed to send a message out to some friends, who are part of a resistance group, but I do not know how long it will take for them to get here."

For a moment, her expression fell and B'Elanna glimpsed the turmoil in the other woman's eyes. She knew that being on this planet and being trapped was extremely hard on her- on all of them.

"Voyager will be looking for me," she declared. "I'm certain of it. Captain Janeway won't rest until she finds me."

_Nor will Tom, _she thought to herself.

And she hoped this to be true.

***

Days passed by, and still they remained in the caves. There was no word from the people who were meant to be rescuing them, and morale was starting to drop.

B'Elanna's strength was better, but sometimes she found herself too weak to do much and found she had to rest. She hated being this weak and this sick, but it had to be better than being imprisoned.

She would spend her waking times talking to the other Vidiians and getting to know them. She found them to be gracious and extremely accommodating. But for the most part they were scared. As each day passed, there would be a growing sense of fear that the Vidiian scientists would find them and it scared them all. Everybody knew it was only a matter of time before they would be discovered, yet there was not much they could do to evade them. Resources were limited but they tried to make do with what they had.

When B'Elanna was not talking to the women, she would spend her time resting and thinking about Tom. Their last scene together played over and over in a head like a faulty holo-novel. It felt like they had been so close to reaching a much needed point and then _this _happened, interrupting the moment.

She constantly thinks about what he might have said. _I'd be at the front of the queue... I'd be at the front of _your _queue... I'd always be at the front of the queue for you..._

She hoped to get the chance to find out.

Somewhere, somehow, there was Voyager and maybe somewhere, somehow they were looking for her, and _he _would come for her just like he always said. And somehow, sometime, she would get the chance to tell him exactly how she felt about him.

***

Food was scarce, but they made do with what the caves out the outlying areas had to offer. They huddled together to conserve heat and spent their time keeping hope alight. But B'Elanna found this incredibly hard. She was still weak and they were all always tired. The days began to grow colder and bitterer and it was hard to believe that it would all be okay.

One day, on an exceptionally cold day, the young girl Alana came running in with a frightened expression on her face.

"They're coming!" she told the startled group. "The scientists are coming."

***

A month had passed since B'Elanna had vanished and they had had no news on her.

To say that he was in despair was an understatement. Tom was a wreck and a wretched one at that. He couldn't sleep; could barely eat and found it hard to function.

And yet he would not stop until he found her.

Every day he would start his duties and make sure Harry was always scanning the vicinity, checking for something, _anything _that might indicate that B'Elanna was nearby. He refused to believe that any ill had come of her; forbade Harry and Kes to even voice the thoughts, not that they would.

One day on the Bridge, he began thinking about her.

_B'Elanna, wherever you are, I hope that you are okay, _he thought out to her, hoping that somehow she could hear him.

Suddenly Harry's console started bleeping and everybody turned to look at him, expectantly.

Harry swallowed. "I'm picking up signs of a nearby M-class planet with life sign signatures." He turned to face the Captain. "Captain, those signatures might be Vidiian."


End file.
